The Seed of the Fire
by seaweedfma
Summary: Roy and Maes become roommates while at the military academy, then they become much more. Follow the ups and downs of two men coming to terms with how they feel for each other. Rated mature for sexual situations and violence, contains Ep. 25 spoilers.
1. The Fire in His Eyes

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Title: The Fire in His Eyes (The Seed of the Fire- Chapter 1)  
Author: Seaweed Otter  
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Maes Hughes  
Rating: PG for one little kissing scene this chapter.  
Disclaimer: AU, Set before the anime started, while Maes and Roy were roommates at the military academy.  
Summary: Maes saw the fire in the young man's eyes, but he never knew where it would lead him...

**

They had been roommates for a few semesters now, although Maes never saw much of Roy. He was either at the library studying his flame alchemy- which he was exceptionally good at, or out on a date with whichever gal had caught his fancy this week. A good portion of Maes was jealous of his roommate. Maes was older, taller, more filled out, and was already starting to grow a beard (even as wimpy as it was so far). Roy had yet to grow any facial hair to go with that boyish face of his. But despite all of that, the slightly younger and shorter (and much skinnier) man was getting all the girls, and Maes was stuck with just a couple of token dates occasionally.

It took quite a while- almost a semester, for Maes to discover the real reason for his jealousy. He actually liked this man. Sure, he liked him as a friend. They had thankfully become good buddies after getting put in the room together (Maes had had some bad luck with past roommates). But it was more than that, he finally admitted to himself. He was attracted to this man, and he had absolutely no idea why.

He had never been attracted to a man before, and part of himself was surprised, and even disgusted at the thought, but a little part of that side of him died away each time he saw Roy's gentle face curled up on his bunk- deep in peaceful sleep, or when Roy's dark eyes lit up with happiness when he successfully attempted a difficult alchemical reaction.

When the winter break came, and neither of them had a home that they wanted to go back to, they decided that they would hang out in their dorm room and pal around until the break was over. The first few days were very awkward for Maes, and he tried to avoid eye contact with Roy as much as he could. His young body would react every time he saw that beautiful man, reddening his face and making his pants feel uncomfortably tight.

As bright as Roy was, (though he should win awards for his procrastination skills, Maes often thought) it didn't take him long at all to notice that something was wrong with his friend. One night, when the snow was piled deep outside, and there was nowhere for Maes to run, He decided to find out. After a friendly and slightly awkward dinner of warmed over noodles in a clear and tasteless broth, Roy started to idly chat with his friend.

"So, Maes. It looks like you have been.. well.. kinda distracted lately." he started in with a warm smile. He took a sip of the broth, scrunched up his face, and pushed the rest of the bowl away. "I know it isn't about classes, because we don't have any right now. So tell me, bud. What's up?" He idly stretched and laced his fingers behind his head.

Maes gulped, and couldn't help but notice that this seemingly innocent motion stretched out the short blue uniform jacket to show the white tank top that Roy had tucked into his tight pants. Was Roy teasing him, he wondered? It didn't seem like it. The look on the man's face was some mix of boredom, sleepiness, and curiosity. There didn't seem to be any malice or even playfulness there, although Maes had already found out how good Roy was at hiding his emotions when he wanted or needed to.

"I... um.." Suddenly Maes' throat felt about as tight as his pants did, and he was glad his legs were under the table so Roy couldn't see how his body was betraying his feelings. Almost immediately Roy leaned forward again, putting his hand softly on the table between them.

"Is.. there something wrong with me?" Roy asked, suddenly worried that he had done something to offend his friend. "Is it about the girls I bring over sometimes? Because I can stop that if you want. I know sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable, and I really don't mean to make you feel left out..." Roy stammered, slurring his words into a run-on sentence.

"It.. isn't that at all Roy, I promise." Roy heard the sincerity in the voice, and believed him, but that still didn't answer the question of what was bothering his roommate.

"Then what is it, bud? You know you can tell me anything!" He flashed a smile, then his eyes lit up. "Oh, I know! You have found a girl and you don't want to bring her over, because you are afraid that I will steal her away! Is that it, you sly dog you?" he leaned over and gave Maes a playful punch on the arm. Despite being smaller, he was wiry and strong, and his punch hurt more than one should from one his size.

For a moment, Maes thought about going with that lie, and actually opened his mouth to reply, but he was smart enough to know that it would only fool Roy for a short time. He would still have to confess his feelings sometime in the very near future. He figured that it was better that he didn't have to suffer through it any longer than he had to. He'd rather just get this over with. And if Roy hated him and wanted to leave, then at least the winter break would give him time to gather his things, not that he had many possessions.

Maes closed his mouth for a moment, which made Roy shoot a very confused look back to his friend. "Come on, bud. You know you can tell me. Nothing you can say will upset me. I promise."

Maes took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't have to see the punch that was probably going to come after he blurted out what he wanted to say. "I like you, Roy." He sighed.

Roy giggled, relaxing just a little. "Well, I like ya too, pal. I don't really have a lot of close friends, but you are defintat-"

"No, I mean I *LIKE* you.. I mean that I like the way you look so peaceful when you sleep, and those cute little worry lines you get between your eyes when you are concentrating. I don't know what I mean.. I.. I'm still not sure.. but.. I think.. I might.. like you..." He screwed his eyes shut tight, tensing, waiting for the inevitable punch, or even worse, the snap of those deadly fingers.

He waited.. 5 seconds.. 10.. there was still nothing. Softly he opened his eyes, and looked at the man across the table. His face was shocked and confused, but there was no hint of anger. The fire in his eyes, the thing that Maes had finally realized was what drew him towards the man, was still there, burning bright and hot as ever.

"If... you want to move out.. I understand." Maes finally said, since Roy didn't seem to want to speak. Softly, the taller man sighed and not so gently dropped his head to the table, his glasses making a soft clinking noise as they hit the hard surface. Bending his glasses was about the last thing Maes was worried about at the moment. His throat closed up on him, and his eyes stung. He didn't really feel like he deserved to look at that man any more.

It seemed like an eternity of silence for Maes Hughes. Why wouldn't Roy just say something? Anything? If Roy was mad at him, he could at least yell at him. It would have been better then the silence that was deafening him.

"Roy? P-p-p-lease.. say... something..." Maes begged, his now hoarse voice barely over a whisper.

There was a noise, softly at first, coming from Roy. Maes couldn't tell what it was for a few moments. It finally got louder and louder, until it was as deafening as the silence had been moments before. Laughter. It was laughter. Roy was.. laughing at him. Maes looked up, confused as to why his best friend was laughing at his admission. Was he making fun of him? Mocking him and crushing his spirit before the inevitable finger snap?

As soon as Roy saw Maes, slightly red eyed, looking at him, he stopped. He wasn't angry, nor even surprised any more. It was an amused look that Roy wore. Amusement, relief, happiness were etched into his face.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that, Maes." He was pretty sure now that Roy wasn't going to set him aflame, beat him up, or move out. It was odd that he didn't mind that another man liked him. And Roy never called him by his first name, except when he was trying to be deadly serious. He usually called him 'bud' or 'pal'. Maes knew he meant what he said.

"You... are... glad?" Maes asked, even more confused than before.

Roy chuckled a little, a slight flush coming to his cheeks. "Well, yeah. I am. You see, I do like women. That is obvious. But.. let's just say that I like to keep my options open as well.." It took Maes a moment to understand what he meant, his eyes going wide after it hit him.

"One of the reasons I like to bring girls over here is not to torture you, but... well.. to be close to you." Roy paused for a moment. "You see, sometimes, even if I am with someone, well, sometimes it helps me if I think about something.. or some *ONE* else...." he trailed off at the end, leaving Maes a couple of moments to digest that information.

"Someone...." was all Maes got out before he understood what Roy meant. ".. Else... like... me?" he asked meekly.

It was Roy's turn to look down at the table. "Um.. maybe." he admitted, awkwardly scratching at the back of his head.

"How... long?"

"I dunno, I guess pretty soon after we started to room together I noticed that you were kinda cute, but I didn't think much of it, because I didn't know if you had a personality to match. Despite my seemingly flippant attitude towards love, someone with a good personality is a big weakness of mine."

"Well, I never thought of your love life as flippant.." Maes started before being interrupted.

"And I used to try a lot of girls beaus I liked girls, but also to try to get my mind off of you, because I figured you would poke me with one of those knives that you love so much." Roy pointed to the sheath of knives that were always close to him. "I could never find a girl with the nice match of personality and charm and looks that you had, so I kept trying a bunch of different gals, with no luck." He paused for a moment, resting his head on one arm. "So, what about you? How long?"

Maes had to think a moment. He could hardly speak, this throat was dry. His mind was racing. It took a few moments for his brain to process what was Roy had asked. "I.. um.. about the same.. When you first walked in this room, I noticed that dark hair and those dark eyes first. There was a fire in there, I saw it right away. I'd never seen such a fire in anyone else before, and it intrigued me. It still does.." he blushed at the final admission.

Without even thinking, Maes reached across the short table and softly touched Roy's hair, for just a moment before pulling back. It was as soft and thick as he thought it'd be. Dark and beautiful, like the man who wielded it. "Wow" he whispered. Roy gave Maes a soft smile, and a little nod, giving a silent approval. Maes got up from the table and walked around to Roy, standing beside him. He gently ran his fingers thru Roy's hair again, closing his eyes for a moment and taking in a deep breath. He had smelt the aftershave that Roy wore hundreds of times before in their cramped little bathroom, but it had never smelt his sweet to him.

His hand trailed down the side of Roy's face, beside his ear, which made Roy shiver just a little, down that still unwhiskered face, and down to his chin. He was baby soft, his skin so smooth and moist. It wasn't oily or dry, but that annoying shade of perfect in between that almost nobody was able to attain. Maes' hand went back up, tracing against the side of Roy's lips, up the side of his nose, and between his eyes, then back to the glorious mop of raven black hair.

"Roy... " he muttered, unable to say anything else. Roy leaned up and put a finger to his lips.

"Shh. It is okay, Maes. You don't have to say anything. We are both trying to figure this out, I know." he smiled and leaned up a little more, putting the tiniest of kisses on his friend's lips. Maes put his hand on the table to steady himself, fighting a sudden bout of dizziness.

"Well.. umm.. I think it is late.. I need to digest this for a while.." Maes said, his stomach turning knots. "But.. I'm glad we talked. It is good to get this stuff out in the open."

"So.. " Roy asked, a tired smile on his face. "Um... what.. does this... make us, I wonder?"

"Well, I'm not sure, yet. We'll probably have to talk more, but how about tomorrow? I don't think we will be able to go anywhere, even after this snowstorm lets up. And I'm not sure my mind can take much more tonight." He rubbed his temples and took off his dress blues, leaving his white t-shirt and black boxers with red hearts on them. He had worn them around the dorm before and neither man had thought much about it, but now- after all this, it seemed a bit weird. Maes jumped quickly onto his bunk and covered up.

"Er.. night Roy." Maes said, quickly turning over, away from the younger man.

"Night, Maes.." Roy said absentmindedly. He certainly had a lot to think about himself, but somehow, sleep wasn't first on his mind.


	2. Winter's Deep

The winter break was almost over, though the winter was still growing deeper. That didn't seem to bother either of the two young men that were stuck in the dorms that night. It was just a excuse to huddle close for warmth.

Things had been a little awkward the day after they had admitted to each other that they had some sort of feelings towards each other, but most of the tension between the two had dissipated, or had manifested itself into a different type of feeling. Perhaps, Roy thought, feelings followed equivalent exchange, not disappearing, but morphing into something else. But what was it? He still wasn't sure.

They had talked a bit since then, which ended up being tougher for Roy than it was for Maes. With his strict upbringing, he was used to playing his feelings close, and never letting out too much information. He knew that was going to do well for him in the military. But Maes- he was always so open, so forgiving, so happy, it seemed. Roy thought that was dangerous. He just hoped it wouldn't be the end of him one day.

"Hey, Flamey, get your ass over here and light this! The damn burner is broken again!" Roy grimaced a bit at Maes' new nickname for him. All of a sudden he regretted telling Maes about his alchemical nickname.

Roy smiled, thinking back on how he got the name. He had been the youngest to pass the State Alchemy exam at 14, but it was 2 years before he could enter the military officially to train. That was when he was given the State Alchemist name of "Flame". He hadn't told many people, but word had a way of getting around the military. He didn't really want the extra attention it gave him, since it inevitably came with bullies who wanted to remind him how human he actually was. But he had to admit that it did have its perks. There had been women (and men) who liked the idea of a 'hot' lover, and as with most opportunities, he had played it to his advantage.

With a sigh, he closed the alchemy book he was attempting (and failing) to read, and wandered slowly into the kitchen. "Ah, so I get it now, you just wanted to room with me because you knew you wouldn't freeze to death in these poorly built dorms, right?" He gently put a hand on Maes' shoulder, rubbing it lightly. They had been giving each other small signs of affection, a hand pat, a gentle back or shoulder rub- but it seemed apparent that after that first very awkward kiss that night, both of them were too afraid to do much else.

"Umm.. yeah.." Maes said, distractedly, unexpectedly at a loss for words. His eyes looked rather distant, causing Roy to curl up his face in confusion.

"You okay, Maes? I think I should be glad the gas didn't turn on. As distant as you look, you may have ended up extra crispy." He smiled for a moment, until he saw that Maes was not smiling, and his face became like stone again. His hand went gently to his friend's shoulder, shaking him gently. "Maes?" he asked louder.

The slightly older man shook his head, like he was trying to shrug off something that had latched itself to him. He looked over his shoulder with the very trademark Maes smirk that Roy had seen many times on that long, angular face of his. And just like that, his friend was back.

"Oh yeah. Sorry." he said. "I was just.. well, thinking about things. I was thinking about that little talk a couple weeks back... You know the one I mean." The look on Roy's face meant that he knew the conversation in question. "Well, we haven't really talked much more about it, and I know you asked a question at the end- a question neither of us knew how to answer." There was silence from Roy, but Maes could tell with the fire that burned in his eyes that he had Roy's rapt attention.

Maes turned away from the unlit burner- a cold pot of noodles patiently waiting, to face Roy. "You asked what this makes us. I... wonder that as well. I mean, we know each other pretty well, from being roommates. But you already know that I would like to get to you know better." His cheeks blushed a little, and he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose- a nervous habit that he had recently picked up.

"I.. don't know what we are either." Roy admitted. "I.. would like to know more about you as well. I admit that there have been men that I have liked before, but.. somehow this seems different.. deeper." He idly scratched at the back of his head. "I get the feeling that this is something new to you though. You don't strike me as the type to fall for another man."

"Well, neither do you-" Maes snapped back, then though better of it. "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way.. I.. um.. just meant that you are always seen with ladies draped over your arm. I've never seen you cozy up to a guy.. not yet at least." He sheepishly grinned.

Any anger Roy had had at Maes snapping back faded quickly. "Well, let's face it, a man being with another man isn't.. exactly encouraged. You have to be rather.. discreet, and careful. If you come on to someone who isn't interested, or if you dump someone and they feel scorned, they can blab to the higher ups, and you can be in serious trouble, militarily and otherwise."

"Hmm.. I never thought about that." Maes stroked his chin, feeling the rough patches of beard that tried to make him look more like a man and less than the 18 year old kid that he was.

"But.." Roy continued before Maes could continue, "I'd like to get to know you better as well. I have to admit that it worries me that you've never been with a man before. Part of me is worried that I am.. just a phase, and you don't know what you are getting into."

"A phase?!" Maes looked shocked and hurt. "Is that what you think?"

"Wait.. let me explain." Roy put up his hands, palms out, to halt him. "We are both young, and I know you've been with some girls, though I don't know how much you've done with them. I'm just worried that you are.. well.. reaching out to someone, anyone, who will care for you. You get what I mean? I'm not worried about my feelings. I'm worried about *YOU* Maes. I don't want you to look back on this in a year and ask yourself 'What the hell was I thinking?' I don't want you to get hurt. I.. care for you too much for that."

"Roy.. I..."

"That's why I wanted to know that night, what you thought of us. I was afraid that you were confusing your feelings.. But I don't think you are now. I mean.. you said you liked me from when we met a few semesters ago, but now that we know how we feel, and you have had time to think about it.. You.. still still feel the same way..?"

"Even more so." Maes answered truthfully. He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose again. Neither had noticed how close they had been the whole time. In the silence that followed, it dawned on Roy first, and he leaned in and gave Maes a kiss on the lips. He pressed in harder this time, holding it longer, but he didn't force it, leaving Maes open to back off if he wished. Maes didn't back off, he leaned in closer, pushing back against Roy's intrusion.

When they finally broke, both of them were out of breath, but not from then length of the kiss. It was more the feeling of being so close together. Maes leaned in again and kissed Roy back. Without thinking about, it his mouth opened slightly. His tongue felt the bumps and grooves of Roy's soft lips, and he softly requested entrance into the younger man's mouth. Roy didn't hesitate for a moment, eagerly opening his mouth and touching their tongues together.

"Mmmm.." Maes closed his eyes softly, and sighed when he broke away. He started to feel dizzy and weak kneed again, like the first time. He quickly went over to the seat that Roy had occupied a few minutes ago, and smiled. It was still warm from his body heat. He leaned his head down and and rubbed his temples.

"Wow... that.. was wonderful.." Maes said rather dreamily.

"As I am sure you are aware, depending on how much you have done with females, there is much more than that." Roy said, with a smirk. "But that is for another time. I can tell that this is a lot tougher on you than you are letting on." Roy turned around to Maes and gently ran a couple of fingers thru his stringy black hair, just a few shades lighter than his own raven locks.

"So... you.. think we... should.. be.. a..." he couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Well, we need to agree on it, either way. I don't want to force you into something that you don't want... But, if you want to, we can.."

Maes sighed and ran his fingers again through his now disheveled hair. "I.. think.. I would like that. I'd like to take it slow, because I have a lot to learn, but I think I know a good teacher."

The smile on Roy's face told the whole story.


	3. Cross the Line

The end of the semester loomed, and even though they had been tentatively exploring each other a bit in the few months since the winter break, they had seen less and less of each other the in last couple of weeks. Roy had a huge final exam in Theory of Alchemy that he was worried about, and Maes was studying hard for his Military History test. If they were lucky, they got to see each other in the mornings, fighting for the limited bathroom resources.

"Morning, cutie." Maes gave Roy a chaste kiss on the top of his forehead, flashing that goofy smile of his. Even though they had been a couple for 3 months, they had done much less than most couples would have. They knew that they were far from a normal couple.

Things between them had been progressing nicely, but school was looming large, and they both agreed that studies had to come first- even though neither of them liked it. This was the last day of class, and it they were about to have some serious time together after the exams were over. They had already agreed to stay over the summer break in the dorms. It was a little bit of paperwork, but since they were both Dean's List students, and they stated that they wanted to be close to the library to study (which was actually true, more for Roy), they were allowed to stay.

"Rrrrf, hey." Roy said sleepily, He rubbed his eyes and got up, heading towards the bathroom to make himself more presentable. Maes sighed softly. He could never get over how cute the alchemist looked when he first woke up in the morning. His thin black eyes were barely slits, soft black hair was spiked at every single odd angle imaginable, and he had finally started to get just a few whiskers on the end of his chin. Of course Maes never let him hear the end of it, though he let the younger man borrow a razor until he bought his own.

He came out a bit later, hair still wet from the shower, wearing nothing but a towel around his very thin waist. Moisture beaded on his pale skin, tracing slowly down his lean form in the crevices between his muscle masses, the moisture making its way towards the inevitable place that was hidden from view. It made Maes shiver, and he had to cross his legs uncomfortably. Roy idly dried his hair with a second towel, noticing after a while that Maes couldn't take his eyes off him. He smirked.

"Liking the show, four-eyes?" He grinned and wiggled his hips, shaking the towel just a little.

"I... Um... I.." Maes, for once, was speechless.

"Well, perhaps later, if you ever get your voice back, we can discuss what you find so interesting about your roommate drying himself off." He flashed a wide smile and walked over to his small bedroom to get dressed, softly closing the door behind him. He left a gap jawed, wide eyed roommate trying to make sense of what had just happened.

___________________

The sigh that Maes let out when he unlocked the dorm room door and opened it later that afternoon- throwing his book bag to the floor, was heard halfway down the hall. The exam had been even harder than he had imagined, but he still felt like he had done well. Still, he couldn't help but be nervous that he wouldn't know anything for at least a week.

After a moment, he noticed that the room was dark. He'd though that Roy had would've beat him back, but he may have been at the library, or out with friends. He sighed, since he had hoped that he'd get some time this evening with his roommate to talk about him in a towel. A quick glance to Roy's room showed a closed door and no light. It was unlikely he was asleep this early in the afternoon, so he must not be here, Maes reasoned.

He sighed again, louder this time. "I guess I should get a shower. I was too busy watching him." he said to nobody. Quickly, he went to his room, not bothering to close the door, and stripped, putting a towel around his hips. The shower felt nice, helping him release the tension that had built up over the last couple of weeks. It had been a while since he had been able to.. relieve himself, and he seriously thought about it- his hand moving slowly down his solidly built, yet slim form, down his chest and stomach, until he heard the door slam closed in the main room.

He'd never finished cleaning himself as fast as he did when he heard Roy come in. It wasn't until he had already turned the water off and stepped out of the shower that he realized that he hadn't brought in any clothes change into after the shower like he usually did.

He wasn't nearly as confident in his body as Roy was. Roy had never minded walking around in a towel- even before they knew how they felt about each other. But Maes, despite wanting to be with Roy, had never shown him more than his bare chest once- when he had forgotten his undershirt after a shower. He thought about asking Roy to grab a shirt and boxers for him, but then he remembered what he had hiding in his underwear drawer, and thought better of it.

Maes sighed. "Hmm.. I guess I have no choice." he wrapped the towel around him as tight as he could and peeked his head out the door. He grumbled a little. The only clean towel he had left was smaller than most. It barely went around his waist, and  
it stopped above his knees. The door to Roy's room was slightly ajar, and he could hear the radio playing. 'Good' he thought. Maybe he could get away with a stealthy run to his room.

He grabbed his shower kit in one hand and his washcloth in the other and opened the door, the cold air from the main room catching him off guard and making him freeze in place for a moment. The bathroom door squeaked as it opened. It wasn't usually loud, but this time it sounded louder than a thunderclap to Maes.

A sense of dread hit him when he heard the radio turn down. "Oh Maes! Is that you? I am glad. I wanted to talk to..." Maes froze like a deer in headlights when he heard the squeak, and before he could react- it was too late. Roy was standing in his doorway, in a sleeveless white tank top and slacks, idly scratching at an itch on his arm and staring at the almost totally naked man in front of him.

Silence. The clock on the wall's ticking was the only noise for a few seconds. Maes tried to move, but couldn't. He had never let anyone see this much of him. Even with all the discussions they had had over the past few months, Maes had never had the guts to admit to Roy that he had never gone all the way with a girl. He had wanted to a few times, but it had never worked out.

Silence turned to horror. As Maes tried to take a step back and turn back around to the bathroom, he had the horrible feeling of gravity turning against him, the towel untucking itself and slipping down. Neither man, in future conversations, would quite be able to describe the odd squeaking noise that Maes had made as he saw his only article of clothing take an agonizingly slow tumble to the floor. Before Roy could say a word, Maes ran back into the bathroom, slammed the door and turned the lock.

"Um.. Maes.." Roy said softly, walking towards the bathroom door with an extra clean towel. "I have one of the bigger towels here. If you open the door I can hand it to you. I swear that I will turn around and won't look, okay?"

It took a few moments for Maes to pluck up the courage to unlock the door and peek his head out. Ever the gentleman, Roy was keeping his promise. He had his back to the door, and his eyes closed, holding the towel out to the side in an outstretched arm. He didn't say a word as Maes snatched the towel and shut the door again.

The door slowly creaked open again a couple of minutes later. Roy was in the same place, eyes still closed, just in case. Maes ran, getting to his room without incident, and closed the door quickly behind him. Roy finally opened his eyes, a big grin on his face. "Boy I am glad he was too embarrassed to look at me," he mumbled under his breath. "He would've seen the raging hard on he gave me!" He chuckled again and walked towards his room, keeping the door slightly ajar.

___________________

It was a while before Maes could pluck up the courage to come back out of his room. He had some comfortable cotton pants and a white t-shirt on. As usual, his bare feet slapped softly against the cold linoleum floor. He leaned over to look at the other bedroom. He was both glad and nervous that Roy was apparently still up. And apparently he was pretty observant and had heard Maes finally emerge. His door squeaked open, and there he stood, just as handsome as ever- Roy Mustang.

"Oh.. Um.. Hi.." Maes started, idly scratching at the back of his head.

"Look, I am sorry about that. if I'd known that you weren't dressed, I wouldn't have come out." A little shade of pink came to his cheeks. But the look on his face proved that he didn't really look too sorry.

"It's okay. I wasn't sure when you would be home, and like an idiot, this is the one time I forgot to take my clothes in with me."

"Don't worry about it.. after all, if we are going to be a couple.. if that's what you still want.. then chances are, eventually, I would like to see you in a towel.. or.. perhaps not." Roy walked over and gently rubbed the back of his hand against his friend's stubbly cheek.

Maes gulped, but nodded his head. He knew that Roy was right. It was just that so few people had seen him like that. It was something that he hadn't gotten used to yet.

"Well, the weird thing about it Roy, is that.. well.. I guess I don't want to admit it, but.. I'm very self conscious about how I look. And... well...." Another long pause. "I hadn't ever been with a girl.. not all the way at least. I have done some stuff, but no one has ever seen me.. er... totally naked before. Well, I guess before you today."

There was a very audible sigh from Roy. He started to chuckle a little. Roy never would have imagined it in a million years. This strapping, tall, handsome man had never slept with anyone. "I find that hard to believe." was all Roy could muster as a response.

"Why the hell would I lie about that?" Maes snapped back. His face immediately turned to alarm. "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just that there would be no reason for me to make that up, especially when admitting it to a ladies' man like yourself."

"Hmm. that is true, I guess." Roy replied, softly running his fingers thru Maes' slightly damp hair. "You know, I have to admit that I liked the show I got. Didn't really get a shot of the front, but that is a pretty nice rear that you are carrying around there." He smirked a little and leaned in to give Maes a soft, comforting kiss on the cheek. He wasn't sure which made the man blush more.

"You... like it?"

"Oh hell yeah. It has a little bit of meat to it. Not too much, just enough." Roy chuckled when the man tried to look over his shoulder at his own posterior with little success.

"It is."

Roy shot Maes a confused look. "It is what, Maes? I don't understand."

"It is still what I want." He replied, taking a deep breath, he was already taking off his shirt as he finished the sentence. He gently tossed it to a chair and stood there, shirtless, in front of Roy for the second time.

Roy took a step back to enjoy the shirtless man in front of him. He wasn't as well toned as Roy was, but he could see the forms of the muscles under the skin, especially on his knife throwing arm. Small patches of his pectoral muscles were lightly covered with short, fine patches of the same color hair as his beard. The rest of his chest was smooth, the abs just hinted at under the light colored flesh, until below his belly button, where a thicker patch of slightly darker hair broke a trail down his stomach and disappeared into the cotton pants that sat comfortably on his hips.

"Wow. You are.. beautiful.." Roy stammered. He ran his hand gently along one of Maes' pecs, eliciting a little moan from the taller man. "I don't know why you hide yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is perfect." Roy took a step forward, almost nose to chin with this man, his roommate, his friend. More.

"I.. I.." Maes tried to speak, but Roy leaned up and kissed him on the lips, a long, lingering kiss. It didn't have the desperation of someone in a hurry, nor did it have the chaste of innocence that most of their kisses had had before. It wasn't lust, but love, a deep love of the man that stood before him.

It seemed like an eternity for both men before the kiss was finally broken. Neither was sure who pulled away first. Roy smiled and easily shed his tank top, tossing it on top of his roommate's shirt. There was a moment of hesitation. Both of them knew what they wanted to do, but neither was sure how to continue.

Roy gently took Maes' hand and gave it a little squeeze. "Come this way, Maes. Let's head to a more comfortable spot. I swear to you that I won't do anything that you don't want to. Trust me. " Maes could only nod wordlessly and followed Roy back towards his bedroom.


	4. Sleepwalk

The bedroom was only a few steps away, but it might as well have been a million miles, for as long as it took to get there- at least to Maes. He took a quick look around the room, only then remembering that he'd never seen it before. It was pretty messy- as most young mens' dorms were, but there was a method to the madness, an organized mess. He couldn't explain it, but he got the distinct feeling that Roy could put his hands on anything that he needed to in a hurry. The small desk was overrun with stacked papers.

He hardly had time to register much else when he was gently tugged towards the bed. Roy sat on the side and patted a space next to him. Nervously, Maes sat down, and Roy turned to face him. "Now.. you are sure, right?" he asked, a worried look on his face. Maes didn't answer for a moment, and Roy silently prayed that he hadn't gotten cold feet at the last moment.

Maes took a deep breath. "Yes, I am sure, Roy." he said softly. His voice didn't sound sure, but his eyes showed trust- and something else.. longing?

"Okay, but you give me the word, and I will stop. I won't let you do anything that you don't want to." Roy smiled, and put both of his hands on Maes' chest. Maes could feel the small callouses on his index fingers and thumbs. He knew it was from snapping his fingers to create flame, but it still surprised him. 'He must be practicing more than I thought' Maes thought to himself.

"What are you thinking about, handsome?" Roy asked, snapping Maes from his thoughts.

"Oh, just how your fingers are rough from snapping your fingers. Does... it hurt when you create fire?

Roy paused for a moment. Nobody, in all the years that he had been studying flame alchemy, had ever asked him that. He closed his eyes for a moment. "There... is a small flash of hot pain right as I snap, like touching a pan on the stove, and then immediately pulling your finger away. But it only lasts for a split second, and it is gone. I've gotten used to it. It's a small price to pay for what I can do."

Gently, Maes took one of Roy's hands in his and raised it to his face, where he laid a soft kiss on his index finger, then on his thumb. Even after a shower in the morning and hours of taking exams, Roy''s fingers still smelled faintly of smoke and ash. Maes wondered if that was a mark that Roy would carry for the rest of his life.

There was a gentle moan from Roy's lips, sending Maes back into the present once again. He took Roy's other hand and kissed those fingers as well, then gently placed Roy's hands where they had been on his chest. Roy ran his hands gently over his new lover's chest, leaning in closer and giving Maes a long kiss. This kiss was more desperate, more needy than before. Roy used his hands and the leverage of his position to gently push Maes backwards onto the bed. Maes, to his own surprise, didn't fight it, he fell back with a little surprised squeak.

Roy hovered over Maes, kneeling with his legs on either side of his roommates' stomach. He leaned down and kissed Maes harder and faster, his tongue requesting, and gaining entrance into his mouth. His hands went over Maes' chest again, down his sides and to the waistband of his pants. He faltered there, afraid of moving too fast and scaring Maes away. He broke the kiss and looked down into those wonderful gold-green eyes, try and read what Maes was thinking.

"It's.. okay. They are getting uncomfortably tight anyways." Maes tried to flash one of those trademark smirks of his, but it didn't come off nearly as well as usual- it was full of anxiousness. Roy smiled softly and looked down, noticing the prominent tenting in the taller man's pants. He chuckled and bent his head low, kissing at Maes' belly. His kisses were light and slow, working his way down steadily towards those tightening pants. Maes shut his eyes tight. His hands dug into the sheets under him, and a loud groan escaped his lips.

When he couldn't kiss any lower, Roy scoot back a little, hovering close to Maes' waist. He took a couple of deep breaths and gently pulled his friend's pants down his legs and off his ankles, throwing them to the floor. All he had on now was a very tight pair of boxer shorts.

"P-p-please... go.. ahead.." Maes almost pleaded. A wave of nervousness swept Roy. Was he taking advantage of his roommate, he wondered? It sure seemed like he was enjoying it, and he hadn't asked to stop yet, but was it the heat of the moment? If it was, Roy would never forgive himself.

Maes saw him hesitating, and being into investigations, it only took him a second to realize why. "Please, Roy. I know what I am doing..." his voice quivered a little. Roy wasn't totally convinced. "I want you to do this. Please, I am begging you, Roy. Show me what it's like."

Roy closed his eyes for a second, and shivered. He had heard begging and pleading from women and men before, but it was somehow different when it came from this man- a man he had admired from a far, cared for as a friend, and was now coming to know as a lover. Maes' voice was scared, and nervous. He was needy and desperate and longing, and Roy didn't want to make this man suffer. wait, or doubt any longer.

It took every fiber of Roy's being to not rip the remaining bit of clothing off the man underneath him. He kept his composure, and with a little nod, pulled the boxers down, depositing them onto the floor. Maes gasped a little as his most private parts were laid bare, the cool air seeping in from the winter raging outside making him shiver slightly.

"Oh... God, Maes." was all that Roy could whisper. It was more perfect than he could have imagined, long and thin, like the man that wielded it. A thick forest of dark curly locks hid some from view, but it was fully at attention now, flushed red with need.

"Oh... God.." he repeated. He was frozen, lost in the moment. He was never sure that he would get to this point, and now that he was here, his well practiced mind was failing him. Deep in Roy's head he was cursing himself, trying to will his body to move, to do something.

A groan from his lover finally snapped him back, and he leaned his head down, his mouth hovering mere inches from the tip of the rock hard member. Roy took a second to breathe in this man, smell the heat of his musk, the salt of his sweat. He wanted to take him and just ravage him with love, show him everything that can make him feel pleasure, but he knew he had to be slow and let him learn.

Softly he put one hand on Maes' side, rubbing gently up and down. His other hand dug into the bed for balance. He leaned his head down, opening his mouth slightly and taking in the very tip of Maes' length into his mouth. The first slight touch made Maes arch his back and gasp loudly. Roy paused for a moment, and Maes groaned and whimpered, bucking his hips a little up towards Roy. That was all the encouragement that he needed.

Roy moved his head back down, taking the entire glans into his mouth and closing it softly, sealing him in. He suckled lightly while his tongue danced around the top, moving down the crevice to the underside, the part that he knew was especially sensitive. He had to fight his gag reflex when Maes arched his back, pushing up into him again with a cry of pleasure. He could already tell in this state, Maes wasn't going to last long. Roy remembered that he hadn't lasted long his first time either, so he was prepared.

He sucked a little harder, forming a tighter seal around his mouth. He barely scraped his teeth against the underside of the length that had been thrust inside. Roy knew how much pressure to apply, how to make it feel good but not hurt or become overly sensitive. He knew the places that made a man squirm the most. They had been shown to him many times.

But he had one more trick up his sleeve. He hummed softly with Maes still inside of his mouth, using his warm breath, and the vibrations pf sound to stimulate the writhing man underneath him even more.. "Oh... g-g-god... ROOOOOOOY!!!" Maes yelled out, violently bucking off the bed, digging his nails into the sheets, and throwing his head from side to side. His orgasm came hard and fast, hitting like a freight train.

Eagerly, Roy took his seed in his mouth, years of experience having gotten him used to the salty, bitter taste. He couldn't say he really relished the flavor, but knowing that he made the man that he was with explode in pleasure was enough to make it taste sweet.

He was patient, waiting for Maes to arch and buck until the intense feelings had passed, then he carefully took Maes out of his mouth and sat up on the side of the bed. He waited, watching his friend's breathing finally start to even out and his clenched fists relax and release the poor defenseless sheets that he had ravaged beneath him. When Maes finally opened and blinked his eyes, and looked into Roy's dark eyes, he smiled, seeing the fire that he had come to love.

"R-r-r-roy.."

Roy leaned down and gave his new love a soft kiss on the lips, and Maes had the first taste of the saltiness that was his own essence. It made Maes scrunch up his face, and Roy couldn't help but giggle. "That is a small taste of what can be done. There is a lot more to explore, if you are still interested. I don't mean tonight, but in the future. We can have the rest of our lives to discover, if you wish."

For a moment, Maes wasn't sure how to answer. His head was still swimming with everything that had just transpired. He'd never been in a serious relationship. Was he ready for the rest of his life? Or was he just as confused as earlier? "I... would like to learn more.." he softly replied, still slightly breathless, his chest- sweaty with his exertion- still rose and fell quickly. "I'm not worried about the rest of our lives yet, I'm just happy we have tonight."

Roy flashed a quick look of disappointment, but it was immediately replaced by a deep smile. Right now, he had to agree that he was happy about tonight. "The rest of our lives will work themselves out." He said, giving Maes another, slightly longer kiss. He groaned softly. When he leaned down to kiss Maes again, his body had reminded him that he was also quite aroused and aching for attention. It only took Roy giving himself a quick look for Maes to follow his eyes and see what the issue was.

"Oh, I guess we shouldn't forget about you, huh?" Maes smiled. "But.. I'm not sure what to do." he admitted. He sat up, with a rather sheepish grin. At first, Roy was going to tell him not to worry about it, but his aching length, along with the thought of seeing how Maes would handle his first ever male companion- him, won him over.

"Well," he said, turning to face Maes and sitting cross legged in front of him on the bed, "why don't you stroke me a bit? I know you've done that. I hear you sometimes thru these thin walls." Red wouldn't begin to describe the color that Maes turned when he heard that. Roy realized it after he had opened his mouth. "Oh, dammit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that..." Maes just smiled, understandingly, and scooted closer.

"I know what feels good on me, but I would imagine that it's a little different to everyone, so just tell me what I do right or wrong, okay?" Maes put his legs on either side of Roy's thin hips and tugged playfully at his pants. "Um... you have to take those off, you goof. I don't know a lot, but I know that at least!"

"Oh.. yeah.. heh." Roy flashed an embarrassed smile and kneeled, wiggling and worming until he was able to take the pants off and tossed them onto the growing pile. His tank top finished the pile off. Maes couldn't help but giggle just a bit that Roy hadn't even bothered to put on any underwear, and suddenly wondered if that was how he always wore his pants, even his dress pants? He couldn't imagine his own bits rubbing against that stiff blue fabric all day. It would either give him a permanent hard on, or chafing burns- he wasn't sure which. Either way, it would have to wait. He had more.. pressing matters.

Roy settled back onto the bed, and Maes moved close to him again. He gave his love a kiss on the lips- his broad, flat hands running over Roy's soft, bare chest, without a hint of hair save the tiny trail that started just above his waistline. He was a bit shorter than Maes, but much thicker, with much more sparse hair leaving little of himself to the imagination. As flushed with lust as it was, it was a deeper red as well, the head a few shades darker than the rest.

When Maes' hand reached Roy's inner thigh, he moaned softly. "Maes.. please, don't make me wait.." he said breathily. It took the older man by surprise for a moment, but he quickly moved his hand inside his thigh and lightly gripped the throbbing length, making Roy shiver and groan. Maes went to the slow stroking rhythm that he knew well from many lonely nights. Eagerly Roy rocked in time with the thrusts, biting his lips and clutching the sheets tight.

"F-f-faster... p-p-please.." he begged.

Maes smiled and nodded, speeding up immediately- holding his length tighter and using his whole body to move with the stroke.. up and down the length, harder and tighter, his other hand caressed his lover's inner thigh. Roy tensed. He knew he was very close. Usually he could hold himself back longer, but with all the attention he had given, and the attention that was now being given to him by this man whom he had secretly cared about for so long, it was all just so wonderful, so intoxicating that he couldn't help but be so aroused.

"More... I am almost there...." Roy softly leaned in an almost hissed in Maes' ear.

"Mmmm." Maes smiled and leaned down, giving Roy a tiny kiss on the tip of his glans, pausing his stroking just a moment, then going back into the rhythm harder and faster than before. It was mere moments before Roy was arching his back and closing his eyes tight.. moaning out Maes' name while the orgasm rocked his body, splashing his stomach with his juices.

When Roy opened his eyes, after his head stopped swirling with pleasure, he was a bit surprised to see Maes trying just a bit of the seed that had coated his hand. He made a rather funny scrunched up face, then quickly pulled his hand away. Roy couldn't help but laugh, which startled Maes.

"Oh... sorry. I was.. just curious. It tastes... different then when I kissed you. I think... sweeter.."

"Yeah. every man is a little different. It also depends on what they eat that day. They can be sweeter, or saltier, or more bitter. It is... an acquired taste, I guess. Some people never get used to it." Roy admitted. Gently Roy took his lover's hand and brought it to his mouth, suckling on the end of a finger for just a moment. He smiled. "Yeah, it is different," he nodded. "But not in a bad way."

He leaned in and gave Maes a little kiss. "I don't know about you, but I am a bit tired. I am going to clean up a little, and then head to bed, if that is okay." He paused for a moment. "You know.. I know the beds here are small.. but.. if you wanted to... sleep in here... you could.." Roy blushed deep red as he gave Maes one last kiss, then got up from the bed and quietly padded over to the bathroom without waiting for an answer. He figured his friend may need time to think about it.

Maes got up and followed a moment later. Immediately when he got up he went towards his clothes- a force of habit from his normal morning routine. He had never been able to walk to the bathroom naked before. With a shrug and a smile, he left his clothes where they were and followed Roy into the small bathroom, where was finishing up washing himself with a washcloth and brushing his teeth.

They were quiet for a bit, while Maes took a turn by the sink cleaning himself as well. He brushed his teeth, and followed Roy back to his bedroom, stopping at the doorway. Roy patiently sat at the end of his bed, like before. He said nothing, just patted the bed softly and gave Maes a little smile. Maes smiled and shook his head, sitting on the bed next to his new lover. Roy gave him a little kiss and laid down, gathering the wrinkled sheets, holding them open. Maes took a couple of deep breaths and climbed in, feeling the warmth of his roommate's body as he spooned up- snuggled close behind him, softly draping his arm over his chest.

It took a little while for Maes to relax, having a naked man cuddling up behind him, holding him close. Roy was already breathing heavily, falling into a light sleep. Maes was tired, his body drained- figuratively and literally, but his mind was racing with the memories of what had just transpired. Was he going to regret this in the morning? The way he was feeling now, he certainly didn't think so, but was his head clear? He wasn't sure. He laid on his back and stared at the ceiling for a while. It could have been 5 minutes or an hour, he really wasn't sure.

He felt Roy stirring a bit. "Roy?" he asked softly. When there was no answer, he figured that the man was just turning over. But when he kept moving, Maes wasn't really sure what was going on. He saw Roy sit up, but his eyes were still closed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and started to stand. "Roy?" Maes asked a little louder. Roy started to take a step forward. "ROY!" Maes yelled, jumping out of bed and taking the couple of steps quickly to close the distance between himself and his apparently sleepwalking friend. he grabbed Roy and shook him, yelling "ROY! wake UP!"

Roy blinked his eyes sleepily. It took him a moment to figure out where he was. "M-m-maes?" he stammered. He looked around. "Where am I?"

"You were sleepwalking, Roy. I've never seen you do that before. Is that.. normal for you?"

He blinked a couple more times, rubbing his eyes softly. "Well, not often, but once in a while, usually when I have a lot on my mind."

"It is okay, Roy. Let's just get you back to bed. I don't know how to make sure you stay in bed, short of tying you down, but I don't think you want that." Roy just cocked up one eyebrow, a slight smile on his face. And all of a sudden, with the look that Roy gave him, Maes wondered if he really *WOULDN'T* have liked that. Gently he led the still very sleepy Roy back to bed and tucked him in. He thought about leaving him and heading to his room- since he was out of bed this was the perfect time to excuse himself, but he found that he still wanted to be close to Roy, to see how it felt to wake up to him in the morning. He would certainly know then if he regretted it or not.

With a little sigh, Maes laid back down in his roommate's bed after making sure that Roy was breathing softly, on his way back to sleep. For a while, he fought off his own gathering sleepiness to make sure that Roy wasn't going anywhere, but it didn't take long until he couldn't fight it any more, and he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


	5. The Palms of His Black Hands

Roy was the first one to wake in the morning. As his brain groggily tried to start working, he rolled over, surprised for a moment at having a man in his bed. It took his mind a few heartbeats to register everything that had happened the night before, but when he did, a broad smile came to his face. He thought, for a moment, about waking Maes, since he was curious- and a bit scared- of how Maes was going to feel 'the morning after', but then he thought that perhaps not being there might make it a little easier.

He rolled away from Maes, trying to be as silent as possible, but unfortunately, beds in dorm rooms were not meant to be quiet. The springs squeaked and groaned under him, waking Maes from his deep slumber.

"Mmmm?" He said sleepily, rolling towards Roy and sleepily blinking his eyes. His eyes went wide, his mind flashing memories from the past evening. "Oh!" he exclaimed, immediately sitting up and gathering the sheets around him, pulling all the sheets away from Roy and re-exposing his naked body.

Roy stood up quickly and bent down, gathering a close by t-shirt to cover himself. It took him a moment to realize that it was the shirt that Maes' shirt that he had deposited on the ground the night before. "Umm... Maes, are you okay?"

Maes looked wide eyed, like a deer in the headlights for a moment, while his brain caught up to his body. He blinked a couple of times, rubbing his eyes, then looked at Roy again with a look of embarrassment and confusion. "Hmm.. so.. that wasn't just a dream.." he said. His voice was flat, void of emotion, making Roy more than slightly nervous.

"Well, no. It wasn't a dream." he paused for a moment. "Maes... are you okay with this? Because if you... never want to talk about it again, I'm good at keeping secrets." Roy felt hot, despite being unclothed. He was sweating, his breath raspy. He knew this time would come, and his sleep had been fitful at best, worrying if his transgressions had alienated a friend as well as a lover.

For a few moments, Maes was deep in thought, playing the events of the night before in his mind. Roy chewed on his lip a little, trying not to press his friend's shirt close to his body in case he wanted it back. He couldn't help but smell Maes on the shirt, and the mere thought of that sent feelings through him that he tried to ignore.

"It... was nice, Roy." he finally answered, with a little, unsure smile. "I mean, I am still new to all this, and I am not sure what to think, but I told you that I didn't regret it last night. I was serious. And I don't regret it this morning, either. I have to admit that waking up next to someone, especially a man, is weird. It's something that I'll have to get used to. But, what we did, it felt nice. I liked it, and wouldn't mind doing it again." He smiled and blushed.

There was an audible sigh from Roy. "Oh, Maes. You have no idea how glad it makes me to hear you say that." He put down the shirt, guessing that it didn't matter that just being close to something that smelt like Maes had started to stir parts of him to life, and walked over to the man, giving him a little kiss on the cheek. "Stay there just a second, Maes. I'll go get your glasses. I know you are kinda blind without them. It's a miracle you didn't trip over anything last night, or this morning heading to the bathroom." Maes nodded, still trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes, while Roy went to Maes' room and grabbed his glasses off the dresser and came back, handing them to his roommate.

"Thanks." he said, putting his glasses on and pressing them up the bridge of his nose. He stood up and looked around the room, grinning. "You are right, Roy. I have no idea how I didn't trip. I was blind as a bat! I never admit to anyone how much I need these glasses. One of my eyes is fine, but the other was injured when I was a kid, and without those glasses I am almost blind." He took his glasses off for a moment, took a t-shirt, and cleaned the lenses. "Of course the high ups in the academy know," he continued. "You know about the physicals they put us through. But besides that, most people think I'm farsighted. I'm afraid that if anyone found out, I wouldn't be able to take my knife specialty classes."

Roy smiled and nodded while he looked around for a clean t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He cut a rather humorous figure as he fought the forces of gravity and his own lingering sleepiness, almost falling over several times while trying to put on his clothes.

"I appreciate that you told me that. We have been roommates for 3 semesters now, and that was something I didn't know about you." He took a deep breath. "I want to show you that I trust you, and I'll tell you something about myself as well- something that I've never told anyone, not even anyone at the academy."

Roy walked over to a drawer and moved some of his clothes aside and pulled out a small photo album. "Most people know very little about my childhood. They know that when I was young, I was sent to live with General Grumman. He was a great man, a skilled general, and the one the best alchemists in all of Amestris. I studied under him for many years, becoming friends with his granddaughter, Riza Hawkeye. She's here too, you know. She's a year behind, so I don't see her much."

Maes nodded, putting his glasses back on, and sitting back on the bed, patting the space behind him. Roy smiled broadly, catching the irony of the small movement. He gathered the book and sat down on the bed next to Maes, spreading the photo album over their laps. Slowly, while he talked, he flipped through the pages, giving Maes time to study the yellowed photographs.

"I took the state exam when I was young, but I had to wait to join the army. That's well known. What isn't known, by anyone except Gen. Grumman, Riza, and a few close friends of his, is my history before that." He paused, a pained look in his eyes.

"If you can't tell by looking at me, my family doesn't exactly come from around here. My mother was from Xing. You've heard about that country across the desert, right?" Maes nodded. "My dad was from Amestris. He was a pretty good alchemist himself, and a friend of Gen. Grumman. He traveled a lot. One of his travels took him to Xing, and that's where he met my mother. After I was born, he stayed for as long as he could- but the road called to him, and he needed to travel again. My mom asked him to take me with him. I was young, but our family was being ostracized for bringing a half breed into the world." He paused again, and Maes gave him a saddened look.

"If.. you don't want to go on.." Maes started to say, but Roy continued.

"I was only a young child, and the travel was hard. By the time we got to Amestris, I was in bad shape. It took a long time to nurse me back to health, and most of that time was spent with the Grummans and Hawkeyes. The General and his wife took good care of me. I saw more of them as I was growing up than I did of my dad. After a while, he didn't show up at all, and I took to calling them 'grandma' and 'grandpa'- like Riza."

He stopped at one photo of a kindly looking, yet ancient man, and a short and dumpy woman with a big smile on her face standing next to him. Each of them held the hand of a child. The man had the hand of a young boy with thin eyes and black hair, and the woman was next to a girl with lighter hair and big, soft brown eyes.

"Wow, Roy. You had that same intense look you do now, even as a child. Did you ever smile?" His somewhat half-hearted attempt at humor fell short, and he went silent.

Roy started to flip the pages again. "My father was an expert at flame alchemy, as was the general, so naturally that is what I gravitated towards. Riza, for whatever reason, didn't share his love of alchemy, but she was intensely curious about his guns. So about the same time I started to learn alchemy, she started to learn to shoot. I talk to her once in a while, when we meet in the common areas. I have seen her on the range. Hawkeye is a very appropriate name. She may be better at guns than I am at alchemy."

"I didn't have anything else to do- I had no friends, except for Riza, and even that was rocky at times. So I poured all my time into my alchemy, and I honed my skills. Both Riza and I learned a lot about the military from the general, and we both decided at a young age that we were going to follow him into service. Riza is two years younger than me, and was able, with his influence to get into the military academy at 16. He pulled some strings for me as well, and I took the state exam right before my 15th birthday, but I had to wait until I was 17 to go into the alchemy program."

"Wow, you really are a prodigy!" Maes exclaimed, truly surprised to know how long ago his friend had devoted his life to the military, and to alchemy. "I just joined because I was tired of regular school. It was boring, and I already knew what they were teaching. I figured the army would give me a better education, and it has." Roy nodded, though his faraway look made Maes wonder if he had even been listening- but Maes didn't press the point.

"I've had to move to a few different dorms because some people don't like my dark hair, and thin eyes, and my skill at alchemy. They seem to think that it just comes naturally, when I have been doing it since I could read and write. All I can say is that I'm glad I found you. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you how grateful I am." He softly closed the book, making a puff of old, stale dust rise into the air.

Slowly Roy got up and put up the book, then looked down at the palms of his hands. "I remember..." he started, then halted for just a moment before continuing. "I remember the first time I tried to control fire. I burnt the palms of my hands, real bad. Afterward, I sat there and cried, and looked at the palms of my blackened hands. I didn't want to call for help because I thought the general would be disappointed that I had failed. I guess I must have passed out. When I woke up, I was in bed with bandaged hands, and I stayed there a couple of weeks before anyone would let me try anything again."

"But... you did better the second time?" Maes asked, curiously.

"Yes. almost perfect, actually. The fire- it lept right at my command. I told it to dance, and it did, before I extinguished it in a puff of white smoke. The general, he was so proud of me that he got me a pair of gloves made of ignition cloth, and he even had my own alchemy circle embroidered on it, the circle that took me months to design to make it work just right. I still use that same circle on my current gloves. When I learn something new I tweak it every so slightly, but it has been mostly unchanged for about ten years. I've gone through a lot of pairs of gloves in the years since I first made that fire dance,, but I still keep the original ones- here in the back of this photo album."

He took the photo album that he had been looking at and picked it up again. Gently, like he was handling an egg, he turned the album over to the back, and opened the back cover, and under a thin layer of parchment was a pair of much smaller, yellowed gloves, smudged brown with dirt and black with soot, but red embroidered flame alchemy symbol was as clear as day.

"So, that's it then. Hopefully you don't think less of a halfbreed like me." he said, in a rather contemptible voice, shutting the book closed with a thump.

"Why the hell would I?" Maes snapped back, a bit upset that Roy would think so little of him, to think that the story would change how he felt. "All I feel is pity and hatred, not to you, but to those who couldn't see past your outside and into the person that is the *REAL* Roy Mustang. Those aren't people you need in your life, anyways."

Roy said nothing. He put the book down and walked back over to where Maes was sitting. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around his roommate. Roy held him tight, putting his head on the older man's shoulder. Maes, who thought he might have heard a sob, coming from the man, pulled him close, letting his friend cry for all the times in the past when he couldn't. It was a long time before either of them wanted to move.


	6. Photograph

Neither of them could believe that this was the end. They had both made it through 3 years of the academy, and now it was almost over. All they had to do was attend graduation, and then they were free. Well, not, really.

Both of them had training to do before they were assigned to an outpost. Once again, the general's connections came in handy, and he assured them that once their training was done, they would be stationed in the same area. The only kink came in the rebellion in Ishbal. They were sending more soldiers there every day, and it was impossible to think that the general could get them out of that, if they were drafted to go.

Roy wanted to be of service to his country, even if it meant being sent off to war. That was why he went into the military. He had heard his 'grandfather's' war stories before- stories of hope, and stories of loss. He knew it wasn't easy, but he wanted to make the world better any way that he could- and he saw this as the best way to do it. Maes, for the most part, felt the same way, though he was less excited about the fighting on the front lines. He wanted to help behind the scenes. It wasn't that Maes was a coward, it was just that he was better at using his mind than his fists.

The problem of graduating was that they were going to have to be apart for a while. There was no way around that. Roy, being an alchemist, had to do 6 months of intense alchemy training. Maes had 6 months worth of intelligence gathering, gun practice, and overall soldiering skills. It was going to be a month before they had any leave time to be together again.

"I.. I don't think I can take it, Roy- a month without you. I've... gotten so used to you being around." They had to be discreet as they walked back to their dorm room, out of the range of any prying ears. All Roy could do was sigh and nod his head, pushing his hands into his pockets, keeping as little of himself as he could exposed to the cold, crisp fall air.

Maes leaned his head down, blowing his warm breath into his frozen fingers. It was as useful to warm his hands as it was to hide the tears that were trying to form in his eyes.

They walked as quickly as they could to the dorms. Quickly locking the door behind them as they burst in. Roy didn't wait to take off his coat. He pinned Maes to the door with two hand pressing hard into his shoulders and leaned up, kissing Maes deeply, desperately. Maes didn't fight it, he fought back tears of frustration and pain while Roy was taking off his jacket and desperately running his ice cold hands under Maes' shirt, freezing his skin- though the taller man didn't care. He just needed his lover's touch.

Maes reciprocated, using his fumbling, frozen fingers to help peel off Roy's jacket and throw it to the floor. His hands went to Roy's hair, one of the things that he had always loved about the man- his hair- and those eyes that could melt you on the coldest of nights.

Maes tried to lean forward, to guide them to a bedroom, but Roy was so lost in his desperate passion that he pushed Maes back to the door with a thud. Maes let out an grunt as his back thudded against the wood, and looked into his lovers eyes. They were  
so needy, so sad. He just wanted everything to go away and let let them just be together. Why did it have to be like this?

Maes managed to use his height and weight to gently push Roy back a few inches and break the kiss. "Roy.. please.. Let's not waste time here.. Let's go to the bedroom. We have all night. Don't rush. I want this to be special.. I know you do as well.."

Roy looked shocked for a few moments after his lover broke away. His breath was ragged and fast. He gently closed his eyes and nodded, getting some composure back. "Yes. But please, don't make me wait. I want every single second that I can spare with you, love."

Roy gave him a long, languishing kiss, then headed back to his room, already taking off his outer dress blues on the way. Maes tarried for a second. This change in Roy was scaring him a bit. Roy was acting like a scared, cornered puppy, desperate and afraid. It was like he thought they would never see each other again. A month was a long time, but it wasn't a lifetime. They would have time after this training to be together. Neither of them knew how hard it would be once they were stationed somewhere to find time to be alone, but that would be a bridge they would cross another time.

Maes was still thinking and wondering as he slowly walked thru the small dorm room and into the bedroom. He took his glasses off and placed them on a nearby dresser table. Softly, he closed the door behind him.

The next morning found neither of the men wanting to move from where they were. As usual, Roy woke up first. He usually tried (unsuccessfully) to get out of bed and not wake Maes, but this time the man didn't wake up. He shook Maes softly.

"Maes, Maes, get up.. We slept late... we don't have long until graduation!"

"Hmm... wha?" Maes said sleepily, idly grabbing for his glasses before remembering that they were on a dresser close to the door. "What time is it?" he mumbled.

"0930."

"WHAT?!?!" He shot up into a sitting position. He tried to get up and out of the bed, but misjudged the distance and fell with a thud to the floor. It was all Roy could do not to laugh at him. Roy calmly got up and helped the poor man to his knees. He got the man's glasses from the table and handed them to him.

"Hmm.. on your knees. I like you in that position." Roy quipped, his normal smirk plastered on his face. But Maes could read into it. He knew the attempt at humor was more of a ruse to cover up what they knew was coming.

Quickly, Maes got up and walked over to his room, gathering his shower kit and towel and headed for the bathroom. The water felt good on his sore muscles. He always forgot how much soreness came from spending a night with Roy until the morning after. But still, it was worth it. He would've loved nothing more for Roy to come in and share the shower with him one last time, but they both knew that time was of the essence- and they needed to get clean, not dirty. He sighed, and quickly finished up, trying to leave at least a little hot water.

The morning went quickly- way too quickly. They dressed in their parade blues, including hats that made Roy's hair stick out at even worse angles than usual. Maes, of course, took intense pleasure in making sure Roy didn't forget how silly he looked, and Roy swore revenge when they met again, which quieted the two down immediately. It was the reminder they didn't need- that their time together was drawing to a quick close.

Roy and Maes had to walk quickly to the parade grounds so they wouldn't be late. Roy managed one tiny little covert squeeze of Maes' hand, before they had to separate into alphabetical order for seating. Mustang had the unfortunate distinction of being able to see the back of Maes' now uncapped head a few rows up, but at least he wasn't hard to miss. He was surrounded by women and short men, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

It seemed like the ceremony would never end. Many generals and colonels got up and spoke about the rich military history of Amestris and how these new soldiers were the next generation, molded to be young men and women of courage, honor, and loyalty. To Roy, it sounded like they were describing them as the dogs of the military that he had heard used to describe alchemist like himself.

Maes was conflicted. As much as this was boring him back to sleep (and his sore muscles from the night before ached to be moved and stretched again), he knew the sooner this was over, the sooner he would be separated from Roy. It was a no win situation.

The time finally came to walk across the stage. Slowly they progressed forward, receiving their diplomas. Roy cheered wildly when Maes walked across the stage and turned the brim of his military hat from the left to the right side, signifying that he had graduated. As he walked back to his seat, their eyes met for a second, and Maes winked and shot him a thumbs up sign.

When it was Roy's turn, there were a lot of girls cheering and yelling his name from the audience. For a few moments, Maes felt a twinge of jealousy. He knew that Roy had had many girls in the past- that was no secret to anyone, but he was the one that had ended up with the infamous Flame Alchemist, so he guessed that was what was really important.

At last, it was all over. They threw their hats in the air and cheered. Three years of hell was over, now there was only uncertainty and doubt that lay in the future, even more so for two of the newest graduates.

It took a while for them to find each other- wading thru the hundreds of graduates, family members, friends, and well wishers that had come. Maes was finally able to spot the shorter alchemist and raised his hand high. "ROY!" he yelled over the din of the crowd. It seemed agonizingly slow before they could part the mass of humanity to meet again. Maes wanted to kiss his lover so badly that he physically ached, but he knew better, and he settled for a firm, manly handshake.

"Hey, congrats!" Roy said, putting on the happiest face he could.

"Thanks. Same to you." He turned to the two people that had been trailing Roy. "You must be the general. It is nice to meet you, sir." He bowed and smiled. General Grumman bowed back.

"Why thank you, young man. I know Roy has told me a bit about you in his letters. He tells me you want to go into investigations, right?"

"Yes, sir." Maes said, straightening back up. "I am more of a thinker than a fighter, but I will serve my country as best as I can, sir." That elicited a large smile from the older man's face.

"And you must be Ms. Hawkeye, it is nice to meet you ma'am. Roy had always had nice things to say about you." He bowed lower this time.

"T-thank you. Just Riza is fine.." Riza blushed a bit at the gentlemanly attention.

"Oh, okay Riza. I am Maes. Maes Hughes."

"Thank you, Maes." It was Maes' turn to blush a little. That didn't slip by Roy, and he shot Maes a little look, then cleared his throat.

"Thank you both for coming, and I will see you guys in a couple of days, but I think Maes and I need to finish packing."

"Roy, you idiot! You need to stop procrastinating and do what needs to be done!" Riza snapped at the alchemist, causing Maes and the general to laugh at his expense.

"Come on guys, I want to get you two together for a photograph. I will take a couple so each of you can have a copy." Roy was more than grateful to the general- the way he diffused the situation with his smile.

Roy and Maes stood, shoulder to shoulder, Maes about a third of a head taller. Roy, after just being chided by his childhood friend, and thinking about how he was going to be torn away from the one he cared about soon, had a deadly serious look on his face- his mouth slightly down turned into a frown. He held his cap, which he was more than happy to finally get off his head, in his hands at his waist.

Maes, on the other hand, was his usual hammy self- holding his cap in his hand, cocked slightly sideways and tilted forward at a rather comical angle. He had his usually cocky, mischievous smile that seemed to take over his whole face, and he leaned his hat-holding arm on Roy's shoulder, further accentuating the difference in height between the two men. There was a flash of bright light, then another, and it was over.

"Thank you, both of you! I will be sure to develop these as soon as I can and mail them off to you!" The general bowed to Roy, then to Maes. "Good luck you two, and I will see you both in a few months." He saluted, then walked off, with Riza trailing behind, waving goodbye.

"Well, let's get this over with. I know we both have trains to catch." Roy said glumly, starting to walk back towards the dorms for the last time.

Their mostly empty room was waiting for them when they got back. Most everything had been packed up and put into storage for when they got back from training and were stationed in the military barracks. All that was left were the few boxes that they were going to bring with them. Roy mostly had his less important alchemy texts, and a few personal items. Maes had less, he had never been one for gathering much clutter. He had some photographs and a few books on intelligence. His prized possessions were his knives, and the sheath for them that had been specially made to fit under his dress uniform.

It didn't take long for either of them to strip their beds and gather up their toiletries and a few changes of civilian clothes.

When they were done, they met back in the main room. It was so deadly silent. Neither of them knew what to say for a while. They didn't try to hold back tears when they hugged tight, sharing a long, deep kiss that neither wanted to end. When it finally did, Maes sniffled a little, his eyes red.

"R-r-oy.. I will see you again.. It'll be a long month, but you know I will wait for you.. nothing will stop us from meeting again. We can write, though I guess we should keep it professional, just in case. I don't know if they read our mail before giving it to us." Roy nodded, his throat closed up, not allowing him to speak.

"I'll miss you, and I know you'll miss me too.. This isn't goodbye- not really, it's just parting, for now. Just count down the days. You know I'll do the same."

"G-g-g-goodbye, Roy. I love you."

"I.. I.. love you too, Maes."

"Now come on, we can at least walk to the train station together." Silently, they gathered their belongings and left the room, and their former lives, behind for good.

Some author's notes for this story arc... (sorry I took 6 chapters to finally post them.) Some of the dates are canon and some I had to make up for the story.

Maes born in early 1885, Roy born in late 1885, Riza born in late 1887. 1901- Ishbal Rebellion starts. 1902- Roy enters the academy at age 17. Maes enters the academy at age 18. 1903-Riza enters the academy at age 16. late 1905- Roy graduates the academy at age 20. Maes graduates the academy at age 20. 1906- Riza graduates the academy at age 19. 1908- State Alchemists and other military are sent to quell the Ishbal Rebellion.


	7. One More Day

As much as Roy would like to have said that those first thirty days of training drug on endlessly, the actuality of it was that he was so busy from sun up to sun down with the training that the only time he got to think about how much he missed Maes was at night, attempting what could pass as sleep on the bedrocks that the military called bunks.

The man on the bunk above him snored and snorted in his sleep, and another man a couple of bunks over was apparently reliving an evening he had spent in the company of a woman, by the soft moans he was making. Sleep was a fleeting thing, and he was getting less than most of the men here.

The war in the East worried him. He was more worried that Maes would get shipped over there than he was worried for himself. He was pretty confident that he could handle himself, but Maes wasn't really a fighter. Sure, he had gotten pretty good with those throwing knives that for whatever reason he seemed to favor, but it was a lot easier for Roy to snap his fingers at a man 100 yards away and roast him like a turkey than it was to fight a person with knives in hand to hand combat.

Roy sighed and rolled over, sacrificing his only pillow to cover his ears to the various sounds from around the dorm room that drowned out the silence of the night. "Just one more day" he kept telling himself, like a man who counts sheep to get to sleep, he counted the hours, the minutes, the seconds that he had left before he would get to see the big, goofy, bespectacled man who had wormed his way inside his body, straight to his heart.

"One more day."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Maes, on the other hand, had little problem getting to sleep that night. The first part of his training was normal infantry, and they had just completed a 10 mile run with a full pack. He was sore in more places than he thought was humanly possible.

It wasn't that he didn't think of Roy- and the fact that they had less then 24 hours before they would finally be able to meet again, but his body was refusing to let him concentrate on anything but resting every single weary bone in his body.

Part of him was pissed- at the military in general, and his current commanding officer specifically, for working them so hard the day before their away time. He knew that he was going to be sore for the next few days, and that would make it tougher when he was with Roy. But he was going to be *WITH* Roy, and that was all that mattered, sore muscles or not.

Those thoughts, and many others lazily wandered through Maes' mind as he drifted off to a quick sleep, they last conscious thought entering his mind was, "One more day."

________________________________________________________________________________

Breakfast was, as usual, bland and tasteless- as gray as the sky above. Roy tried to choke a little of it down, but it stuck in his throat, feeling heavy and lumpy, close to the concrete that it resembled. After a couple of attempts, he put the fork down and shoved the plate away from him.

"Not hungry, Mustang?" a deep voice rumbled from beside him. Roy pasted a smile on his face- something he had been practicing to mask how he really felt. He knew that weakness was the downfall of a solider, and he was determined to show no weakness to anyone.

"Oh, not really, Armstrong. You want it?"

"No, thanks. I only eat as much as I have to. I'm looking forward to a nice big steak dinner tonight. A group of us are going. You have any plans tonight? Do you want to come with us?"

Roy's breath hitched for just a second, his mind racing to come up with something, some quick lie to tell this giant slab of a man.

Armstrong just smiled, seemingly oblivious to the conflict that was racing through Roy's mind. "Ah, sounds like you have a date tonight." He winked, the first traces of what was going to become a blonde mustache over his lips twitching. "Don't think your reputation with women from the Academy has been forgotten. Whoever the lucky girl is, I am sure she'll have a fun time with you."

Roy just smiled and thanked some higher power that Armstrong seemed to be as thick as he looked. "Yeah. I'm looking forward to tonight." Roy admitted, smiling as he stood up and took his still full tray to the trashcans. He was glad that no one could feel his heart racing, or seemed to notice the tightness in his uniform pants that he got from just thinking about his meeting this evening.

_____________________________________________________________________________

At exactly 1700 hours, when the commanding officer yelled "DISMISSED!" and their 24 hours of leave started, Roy bolted back to the dorms, where he already had a bag of clothes and toiletries packed. He didn't even bother to change out of his uniform, knowing that Maes would probably be dressed the same anyways.

"Hey hey, Mustang! Another hot date, eh!" was one of the many calls he heard as he gathered his bag and headed out. He just smiled and nodded to most of them. 'Let them think what they will,' he thought. 'I don't care. I am going to see the one I love, and screw the rest of the world!'

_______________________________________________________________________________

Roy coughed a couple of times. The seedy bar that they had arranged to meet at was smoky, even for his standards- and he set fire to things for a living. Anxiously, he tapped his watch. 1830 hours. He was 30 minutes late. He knew that Maes had a longer ride to the bar than he did, but he thought 1800 hours would have been enough time.

What if he had gotten in a car wreck, or gotten injured at boot camp? A million horrible things went thru his mind, each more gruesome and gory than the last. He was glad he had been too anxious to eat much breakfast or lunch, or else his stomach would be churning even worse than it already was.

Every time the squeaky door opened, Roy nervously looked up from his quickly diminishing beer to see who it was. He knew he had to keep up the facade, this was just a friend whom he was meeting for some darts and beers. He tried to convince himself of that, so no one would see the sweat forming on his brow, his chest rising and falling quickly. His shaky hands ordered a second beer, and then a third and eventually a fourth.

By the time that 1930 hours had rolled around, Roy was a mess. He was well on his way to being drunk, his head listed softly from side to side. All the colors and sounds and noises in the bar seemed to roll into one cacophony of head splitting ache.

He stood up shakily and put what he was sure was plenty enough money down on the table for the beers that he had drank, then unsteadily swaggered towards the slightly rocking front door.

He didn't really have a plan as to what he was going to do. Even if, for some reason, he made it the 20 miles to where the other base was that Maes had been assigned to, he couldn't get in simply because he was a solider, and even an alchemist didn't have that kind of pull. He would have to have a reason- and even in his drunken state, he knew that 'looking for my missing lover' wasn't going to cut it.

Still he staggered outside, the cool air felt good on his sweaty skin, As he exited, he brushed past a tall, lanky guy with dark hair. "Oh.... sorry.." he slurred, continuing forward a few steps.

"Roy?"

Roy turned around and looked at the man that he had brushed past.

"M- Maes?"

Somewhere deep in the back of his inebriated mind, Roy had the foresight to push down the urge to run back to Maes and plant kisses all over him. It took every ounce of willpower that he had left inside of him to fight it.

"Roy. It is good to see you, buddy." Maes walked back to the man who was seemingly glued into place, swaying a little and blinking, like he really didn't believe who or what it was he was seeing. "It's been too long..." Maes looked more than a little concerned. "Are you alright, Roy? You don't look too well."

"You too so long, and I was worried, and I started to drink, so I worried more, and then I was just going to leave, but I dunno what I was going to do, I was just wandering.." Roy babbled on, leaning his head on his friend's shoulder for support, his knees getting wobbly.

"I think we need to find you a place to rest, Roy." Secretly, Maes was glad that this gave him an excuse to find a motel room for them without arousing too much suspicion. His friend really did need a place to sleep, but that also most likely meant that the shorter man was out for the night. Maes sighed, more than slightly upset that he was going to lose precious time with his lover to him sleeping the drunkenness off.

After asking around to a couple of bar patrons, they found a motel just a short walk (or stumble, in Roy's case) away that had some rooms left. It wasn't cheap, but cost was about the last thing on Maes' mind as he took the rusty key from the attendant and awkwardly propped his mostly asleep friend up and prodded him towards their room.

The door had no sooner opened than Roy stumbled and lost his footing, falling unceremoniously face first onto the carpet. Maes sighed, not sure whether to laugh or cry at his lover who had started to snore despite the blood that was dripping from his nose from where he fell.

He closed the door and threw the keys on a table, then grabbed some toilet paper and after some wrestling was able to roll Roy onto his back and address the blood that had dribbled down over his lips and down his chin and stained his undershirt and dress jacket.

"I sure am glad that I won't have to explain that to my commanding officer tomorrow." Maes said, eliciting a sleepy grunt from the man below him. Maes pressed the toilet paper to his nose and waited, glad that it didn't look to be too bad of a nosebleed.

A few minutes later, the bleeding had stopped and Roy was once again snoring with his head in Maes' lap. Maes had no idea how he was going to get the shorter and lighter man to bed. He contemplated letting him sleep on the floor, then his conscience got the better of him.

"Come on Roy, dammit." he grunted, grabbing Roy through each underarm and dragging him bodily to the edge of the bed. He half drug and half pulled Roy up and somehow managed- sweating and grunting, to get him to one of the twin beds. He unbuttoned Roy's dress jacket, button up shirt, and pulled his boots off with relative ease, It was a bit tougher to get his pants off, but he wiggled them off his body after a short wrestling match with the offending garment.

Maes couldn't help but shake his head and smile at his lover- clad only in his dark socks, sleeveless undershirt, and boxer shorts. As much as he would have liked to have slept with a totally naked Roy, his muscles were still aching from the march the day before which had been compounded with the struggle he had to get Roy to this point, and he seriously doubted his ability to stay awake much longer.  
He quickly stripped down to only his undershirt and boxers and pulled the sheets that he had previously forgotten to pull down before he got Roy on the bed out from under the snoring man to tuck them both in.

He snuggled up behind the man, spooning in close to him and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Night Roy." he said sadly, then closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	8. The Best of the Time Given

With a yawn and a stretch, Maes blinked, sleepy eyes drifting lazily over to the clock on the wall. The room was pitch dark- the thick curtains that were typical of hotels were doing their job all too well.

"Ten thirty!" Maes shot up in bed and stumbled over to the curtains, throwing them open, hoping the streaming sunlight outside would wake the still snoring Mustang in his bed. All it did was make Maes squint his eyes, blocking the rays with one hand. Somehow, even without his glasses, he made it back to the bed without tripping and shook his friend.

"Roy, dammit. Wake up! We've already slept most of the morning away!" There was only a slight response- Roy softly kicked his feet, a half-hearted and mostly sleepy attempt to get Maes to stop what he was doing. "Roy!" he shook the man a little harder. Roy grumbled, mumbling some incoherent string of syllables and rolling over to his side.

Maes sighed. "Fine. I am going to have to take drastic measures, then." He reached under the sheets, gently, blindly feeling his way down Roy's side, feeling with the pad of his finger the ridges in the fabric of the tank top, then down to the silky smoothness of the boxers that clung ferociously to the man's muscular curves.

Maes couldn't stop the grin coming to his face when he pulled down the elastic of the boxers slightly and traced a finger down and in, softly caressing the sleeping man's  
inner thigh. His finger moved inwards, to the tight, dark curls of hair that he gently twirled around the tip of his digit.

"Mmmm." Roy softly moaned, shifting a little in his sleep. A smile played across the very tip of his mouth.

"Rooooooy... If you wake up, there is a lot more where that came from.." Maes leaned in and almost whispered into his ear. He grinned wider, taking the elastic of Roy's boxers and pulling then back as far as he could, then with a SNAP! he released them and they fell back into place.

"Huh, wha? Mmmf... Okay, I'm awake, I'm awake." Roy's eyes snapped open for a second, then fell back to the thin, hazy, semi-awake state of a man who had just been woken from a deep slumber.

"You better be." Maes snapped, unable to keep the hurt and anger from his voice. "You owe me big time for last night."

Roy rubbed his eyes and blinked a couple of times, his pupils taking in the light that now filled the tiny room. He shielded his eyes, taking in a few deep breaths. His head felt thick, like it was filled with concrete, and his eyes burnt. The pain in his temples throbbed with each beat of his heart. After a few heartbeats, it hit him, and his eyes went wide.

"Wait... Maes?"

Maes sighed, shaking his head and walking towards the bathroom to relieve himself of morning pressures. "Yes, you idiot. You really don't remember anything from last night, do you, Roy?"

With the energy not usually seen from a mostly still asleep, very hung over man, Roy sprung out of bed and almost tripped over the sheets and himself and practically ran to the bathroom, nearly knocking Maes over and into the sink when he wrapped his arms around the taller man and held him tight.

"Oh, God, Maes. I am so sorry. You were late last night, and I got really worried, so I started drinking. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't." Roy's mind caught up to his body. His head swam, his eyes blurred, and his stomach turned. He let go of Maes, trying to push him towards the door of the bathroom before the queasiness overtook him fully.

"Uh.. I need the bathroom..." Roy said, shoving Maes out and closing the door with a  
slam.

He sighed again and walked back to his bag, taking out a new pair of boxer shorts and a loose gray t-shirt to wear. He brushed his hair and teeth in the sink in the main room, and flipped through a book on the history of investigations that he had thought to pack. He had been hoping that he wouldn't have time to read it, but things never seemed to work out for Maes quite like he thought they would.

It was quite a few minutes later before Roy emerged from the bathroom, looking rather pale and sweaty. Of course Roy could have been on fire and Maes still would have thought that he was perfect. He walked over to the alchemist and tightly wrapped his arms around him, pressing the shorter man to his body, feeling his chest rise and fall against his own. He leaned his head down, kissing his neck, his chin, his face, every inch of skin he could find that he hadn't gotten the chance to the night before.

"I missed you, Roy. I missed you so much." He buried his head on Roy's shoulder, not caring about the tears that came unbidden to his eyes. His fingers dug into Roy's back, fingernails making moon shaped indentations in Roy's skin. His shoulders heaved with each sobbing breath that came to his quivering lips. Roy gently held his lover close.

"I missed you too, Maes."

Maes rubbed his hands up and down Roy's back, the thin material of his tank top letting the sensation bleed straight through. He gently pulled the shirt up, his thumbs feeling the bumps and scars that formed a road map, a history of the man that is Roy Mustang. He hummed, lifting his head and softly kissing and lightly nibbling the sensitive skin of Roy's neck, eliciting a low moan of pleasure.

"Mmm. Maes. I don't deserve you." Roy tried to push back the nausea, the pain that needled and ached behind his eyes. He wanted to sleep away the pain, but every moment that he lost with his lover was a pain that no hangover could compare with. They had so little time, he knew. Despite it all, he was determined to make the best of the time they had left.

The older man broke away for a moment, holding Roy's arms firmly in his hands and staring- gold green to black. "Yes, you do. I don't know why you must torture yourself, make yourself think that you don't deserve anything good in life. You aren't perfect, but nobody is. That is alright. It is what makes you Roy. And that is what I love. Now kiss me, you idiot."

Roy didn't need a second to think about it. Eagerly, desperately, the weariness, regret, pain was gone in that one kiss, warm lips pressed together for the first time in a month. The fire was kindled, hotter and wilder then before. Maes tugged at his lover's shirt, trying anxiously to pull it off. Roy helped, softly sighing at the few moments they had to break their kiss to pull the tank top over his head.

Roy took a few steps backwards, towards the bed, pulling Maes with him, now trying to work his shirt off his body. It came off as well, and Roy could feel the sheets pressing against the back of his knees. He had nowhere else to go.

Giving Maes one more kiss, Roy sat down rather awkwardly backwards, almost tipping over in his dizziness. Instead of sitting beside him, Maes kneeled in front of his lover and used his hands to gently pry apart his legs. Roy eagerly spread his legs  
open, and the older man started to rain kisses down on the inside of his thighs,  
gently and steadily moving up to where the boxers began.

"Oh... Maes..." Roy moaned, his shorts already starting to show signs of his awakenings. Maes smiled and reached a hand inside the boxers, using the flats of his fingertips to rub soft circles up into the curly black hair of his nether regions. He smiled and tugged at the shorts. Roy quickly pulled the shorts down and kicked them off to the side.

Licking his lips, Maes leaned in and gave his fellow solider a few soft licks, making Roy squirm and groan. One hand gently massaged his balls while his mouth left the lightest licks up and down the underside of his lover's length.

"M-m-maes.." Roy could hardly move his mouth to form the words. "I.. have an idea. S-s-omeone showed it to me.. It.. m-m-may hurt a little, but it feels g-g-good.." Maes smiled and gave him one more kiss, then stood up again.

"What is it, Roy?"

"I.. want to be inside of you."

"In... inside?"

"Yes. Do you trust me? I will make it hurt as little as I can for the first time, but it feels so good. I promise I will stop if you ever want me to."

"I trust you."

"Then go grab the shampoo from the bathroom. It will have to do in a pinch." Confused, Maes grabbed the shampoo and came back. Roy was laying on the bed, his legs still spread. He patted he bed next to him. "Come here and sit next to me. It wont take me much to get ready."

Maes did as he was told, and Roy took the shampoo and opened it, squirting a little on his hand. He rubbed his erection, groaning softly, spreading the gel over his length. "Believe me, it is weird, but you will appreciate it." He smiled and leaned up to give his lover a kiss.

When he was done, he handed the shampoo to Maes. "Hold this for a second. We need to get you ready as well." He smiled, a devious, conniving smile that Maes had learned to love and be very wary of. "First of, get those boxers off, silly." Maes complied, throwing them onto Roy's on the floor. He was almost at full attention, just watching his lover stroke himself. Roy couldn't help but stare for a moment. It had been a month he had seen all of him, and the sight of Maes was more intoxicating than anything he had imbibed the night before.

"Lay down on your stomach." Roy gently commanded, and Maes obliged. Being a soldier that was hoping to go into Investigations, it had taken Maes only a moment to figure out what Roy had in mind, but that didn't mean that he understood it. This was all so new to him. He was glad that his lover at least had some experience, or else he was guessing that this relationship would have been a whole hell of a lot more awkward and possibly painful.

Maes looked over his shoulder, handing Roy the shampoo bottle back. He watched as he slathered more on one finger, then smiled over at him. "Please, Maes, tell me if you don't want to do this. If you want me to stop I will right away."

"I love you, Roy. And I trust you. You wouldn't do this if it wasn't right. Please, do it." Maes smiled.

"Okay. Just relax your whole body. It will make it easier." Maes took a deep breath and tried to consciously relax all his muscled, reflexively closing his eyes. He gasped slightly when he felt Roy's finger pressing against his rear opening. "Okay, here goes." Roy said softly as he pressed inwards. Maes' breath hitched when the digit penetrated. It stung, and Maes bit his lip, trying to remember to keep his muscles relaxed, fighting the natural urge to tense up.

"Are you okay, love?" Maes nodded. "It gets better. Just wait. Roy smiled and pushed his finger in a little further. He knew immediately when he brushed by the very sensitive bundle of nerves inside a man. Maes' eyes went wide and his body shook.

"w-w-what is that?" he exclaimed, arching his back just a little.

Roy smiled wide. "I don't know it's name, but it is a place inside that feels real nice when you find it. That is what makes this feel so good. Just wait till I am really inside, it is even better." Maes smiled and relaxed back down into the bed. for just a moment, he wasn't quite sure that he hadn't been flying.

Slowly, gently, Roy started into a soft rhythm with his finger, stroking it in and out, getting Maes used to the feeling. "Okay, I am gonna have to stretch you a little more, so I am going to put in a second finger, okay?" Maes nodded, tensing for a moment, then relaxing his body again. Roy's length ached for attention, he wanted so badly to be inside his lover, but he knew he had to take it slow and do it right.

He pressed a second finger inside of his lover. Maes shut his eyes tight and softly hissed, but took it well. He stroked a little faster now, going a little deeper. Every time Roy's fingers brushed that wonderful place Maes shivered and groaned.

"Roy.. please... I... want you.."

Roy groaned. He knew he should stretch him more, but they were both so desperate for each other, neither of them wanted to wait. "Okay. Just a few moments more. I want to try one more finger, just to make sure.." He wasted no time in pressing a third finger in. Maes bit his lip, groaning softly and shutting his eyes tight. Roy sighed. He could tell it hurt, and he knew if he was smart he would wait and work his lover up to it, but lust was overwhelming reason, and he only stroked a few times before pulling his fingers out.

"Okay, I will try be as gentle as I can. I love you, Maes and I wont hurt you."

Quickly, he positioned himself, taking his aching length in one hand and pressing it against his lover's entrance. Without another word, he press down and in, as slowly and as gently as he could, despite his need. He watched his lover's pained expression, eyes shut, face in a grimace. It almost brought tears to his eyes. He didn't want to see Maes in pain, but he knew that it would get better. He almost stopped right there, until he rubbed against the bundle of nerves again and saw Maes' face change from pain to pleasure.

"R-r-roy..." Maes almost hissed. Roy stopped there for a moment, then pressed forward again, almost surprised when he felt himself bottom out, fully sheathed inside his lover. He stayed still, letting Maes get used to the feeling. He leaned down and kissed and rubbed at his lover, reaching one hand underneath to grip his already stiff length to stroke lightly.

"Are.. you okay, Maes?" Roy asked shakily, nervously.

"I... I think so.."

"Do you want me to go on?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

Roy waited a few moments more, as long as his body would let him, despite his lust telling him otherwise. He pulled back a few inches, then pushed back in and held it for a moment. slowly and surely, he fell into a rhythm, shallow slow stroke inside his lover. His hand moved at the same rate, stroking Maes as he moved in and out. He fought back the lust that threatened to overtake him, it was all so much at once.

The pace quickened. Maes gripped the sheets desperately underneath him, his eyes closed, his lips pursed, his whole body tensed with pleasure.. It was a mix of pain and pleasure that he had never felt before, the sensations rolled over him, one after the other. His body shook and he arched his back. He knew he was close. Roy felt the older man's body tense under him and he knew Maes wouldn't last long. He quickened his own pace, knowing that he only needed a few more pushes...

"Rrrrf... R-r-roy... ROY!" Maes cried out, arching his back, his whole body stiffened and shook violently. He bucked his hips as his orgasm hit him full force, staining his stomach, Roy's hand, and the sheets underneath him. Roy felt his lover come and he pressed in hard, arching his back and pressing hard forward, leaning his head back and yelling his lover's name to the heavens.

It must have been an eternity before they both came down and were able to breathe again. Roy blinked a couple of times and rolled to the side of Maes, snuggling close and laying a gentle kiss on the man who was still trying to catch his ragged breath.

"Are... you okay, Maes?" He tried to answer, but it came out as a mumble of syllables. Roy smiled and gently rubbed his hair with his cleaner hand. "It is okay. If you need to rest I understand. You nap a few minutes. Another jumble of syllables. Roy leaned down and kissed his lover on the lips, whispering "I love you."


	9. Parting Ways

Maes blinked, rubbing his eyes. Had it all been a dream? Was he still at the academy, waiting for his time off to meet Roy? He shot straight up in bed. As soon as he tried to move his legs, he felt the ache of the already sore muscles in his posterior and smiled. It hadn't been a dream, and even the fact that he knew that he was going to have to explain the weird walk he was going to have to adopt because of this didn't dampen his spirits. He looked around and spotted Roy engrossed in the book that he himself had been reading earlier. Maes gently cleared his throat and Roy looked up from the book. His face lightened and he threw the book down and rushed over to the bed and gave Maes a long, languishing kiss.

"Oh, you are awake. You were so cute. I couldn't help but let you sleep. I hope you don't mind."

Maes smiled at the book, splayed at a weird angle on the floor. "If you break that book I will have to break you. It is borrowed." He smiled, no real malice in his voice.

"Oh, sorry. He gave Maes one more kiss and picked the book up and put it gingerly back on the table. "I think it is alright." He smiled and walked back to the bed, sitting down. Maes noticed that he had his dress blues back on.

"Why are you dressed? Is it that late?" Maes nervously looked at the clock. it was almost 1400 hours. He sighed. "Oh God, Roy. Please don't make me go back. We still have a few hours."

"We need to back before 1700 hours, so we won't be late, but I was thinking that we could have lunch before we... parted ways." Roy looked about as miserable as Maes did talking about it.

"That would be nice." Maes got up and went to the bathroom, taking care of the normal needs. When he came out, Roy already had his dress blues laid out. He sighed, taking his pants in his hand and rubbing a finger along the coarse wool material. Roy sighed, knowing exactly how he felt.

"I know. I don't want to do this either. You think I want to leave you, Maes? You think I want to go back to that hellhole, with no sleep, undecipherable food, and worst of all, the man I love a world away? I don't, but I also know that we don't have a choice, so let's make the best of the time that we have and at least have a miserable lunch together."

Maes nodded and started to get dressed as quick as he could. A few minutes later, they checked out at the motel office, leaving a decent tip and thanking them for keeping quiet about a couple of young and inebriated soldiers. It was a stroke of luck that there was a restaurant just across the street. They walked over and got a table, and a pretty young waitress with a name tag that read "Betty" came to take their order.

"Hey soldiers. May I help you?" Maes kept quiet, but it looked very much like she was paying more attention to Roy, and he seemed to like it. He winked at her and flashed one of his trademark smiles. "Yeah, a couple of waters for us, and a ham sandwich for me."

"Um, yeah, that is fine for me as well." Maes said, absentmindedly. Betty smiled, took their menus and walked away.

"Look, Maes. I know it is tough, but we will get through it. It is just a couple more months, then we should get another bit of away time..." Roy said, oblivious to what was bothering Maes.

"Yeah, sure." Maes lazily chipped away at a dent in the wooden table.

"Please tell me what you are thinking about, Maes." he leaned in and said in a lower tone so only they could hear "You know I will miss you too, but we don't have a choice."

Maes shook his head and pointed to the woman coming back. "Her." It was all he could say before they had to separate again, and Betty came back with their waters.

"Thanks, doll!" Roy said in a loud, friendly voice. He winked, and the waitress smiled when she set down the drinks.

"Sandwiches should be up soon." she said with an embarrassed smile, her cheeks flushed deep red, and she was off again.

Roy looked back at Maes and smiled. "Aw, come on. That is harmless. Besides, you know where my heart lies." Roy smiled, leaning back slightly, putting his hands behind his head.

"Do I?"

Roy leaned forward again. Letting one hand fall down under the table, he rubbed the inside of Maes' thigh. Maes jumped, almost falling back in his chair. He shot Roy a look that was a combination of surprise, annoyance, and confusion. Roy sighed and put both his hands back on the table, falling into silence. It was an awkward silence they sat in until Betty came back and put their sandwiches down. Roy managed to flash a tiny smile of thanks to her, but she seemed smart enough to know not to stay too long, and she quickly left.

They ate their sandwiches in silence. Soon, their plates were empty, although the emptiness between them seemed endless. Roy looked at Maes, sadness in his tired black eyes. He fought back the lump in his throat that made it hard for him to breathe. Maes didn't even look at him. His eyes were downcast, his fingers digging a deeper hole in the chipped wood.

Betty came back, and Roy paid the bill and left a decent tip for both of them, then he stood up. "Come on, Maes. Let's go see if we can catch a couple of taxis." Maes hesitated a moment, then pushed back from the table and followed a few steps behind. They walked back across the street to the motel and Roy used their phone to call a cab company for a couple of cars.

A few minutes later, they were sitting on the curb outside of the motel lobby, waiting for the cabs to arrive, their knapsacks on the pavement beside them. Roy held his head in his hands, his eyes tracing the lines of pitch that had been left by the paving process. He looked over to Maes, who was busy staring at the patterns of clouds in the bright blue sky.

"Maes, please. Tell me what is wrong. I don't want us to part like this." For a moment, it didn't even look like he had heard. "Maes, please talk to me. Please." Roy's voice broke just a little, and Maes finally turned his head, his eyes a bloodshot red. "Betty. You don't think I saw you two, making eyes at each other? Tell me, was she someone you knew, or were you just being nice to her like all the other girls you have wooed?"

Roy was taken aback by the venom in his lover's voice. He hadn't even realized what he was doing. He had thought he was just being nice to her, but it was obvious that both Betty and Maes had taken it a different way. "Maes, I didn't know her, I was being pleasant to our waitress, that is all. I thought you were just playing around earlier at the cafe. I didn't really think that you were that angry. But you were serious. You really are jealous at how I was talking to her?" He wasn't sure if he should be happy or scared that his lover had taken that rather innocuous conversation so seriously.

"What the hell do you think, Roy?" Maes spat, then went back to looking at the clouds.

"But what I said was true. You know where my heart is. Honestly, Maes. You know if I had known that it upset you, I wouldn't have done that. I really thought I was just being nice. I will be more careful from now on, I promise." He leaned over and gave Maes' hand a gentle squeeze. He was glad when Maes didn't automatically pull away, but he made no other move other than to continue to watch the clouds.

It wasn't much later before two cabs pulled up and the cabbies got out and started to load their bags into the respective cars. Maes got up from the hard ground first, his eyes still red. "Goodbye, Roy. Good luck with your training." He turned away and got into the cab and slammed the door shut, and it sped away a few moments later.

"You ready, bud?" the other cabbie asked after the other car had left. He looked rather confused at what had transpired, but he knew better in his profession than to ask too many questions.

"Yeah, thanks." Roy got up, dusted himself off, and got into the cab.

"Goodbye, Maes." he silently whispered as the door closed.


	10. A Letter Never Written

Roy put his heart into his training, even harder than before. The harder he worked, the more tired he was at the end of the day, and the more likely he was to fall asleep fast, so he didn't have time to play that afternoon with Maes over and over inside his head. The entirety of the conversation was burnt into his brain like the fire that danced at his fingertips.

"Goodbye, Roy. Good luck with your training." That was the last thing that Maes had said him before they parted ways. They both had known that they had to be just friends when others were around, but what he had said was so cold and uncaring. It had frozen Roy to his very soul.

A week passed, then a month. No letters came from Maes. No word on when his next leave time was. Roy sent letters to his friend, friendly ones in case they were being read before delivery. But there was never a reply. Another month passed, and another round of leave came and gone, but Roy stayed on the base and engrossed himself in his alchemy textbooks, devouring them like a starving man to a crumb of bread.

Even the few people that he would have almost considered friends steered clear of him after a while. He had grown surly and short-tempered seemingly overnight. When he had first gotten back, a few people had dared to ask him about his sudden change in temperament, even going as far as to jokingly ask if it was a girl who stood him up. One man had gotten away with only having his clothes gently charred, and General Grumman had saved Roy from a court martial.

It didn't take long for word to spread that Roy was a dangerous man to be avoided, and he personally didn't really care if that was the reputation that he was given. It suited him fine. At least people didn't try to bother him when he was trying to study anymore.

One early afternoon at the mess hall, Roy had the unfortunate honor of find the last seat available next to Armstrong. He seriously considered skipping what appeared to be some sort of beef on toast, but a rumble from his stomach quelled that thought, and with a resigned sigh, he sat down.

"Hello, Major Mustang." Armstrong's gruff voice cut through the cacophony of the lunch hall.

Roy kept his eyes focused down on his tray, idly poking at it with a fork. He made a noncommittal grunt in the much larger man's general direction.

"Sir- I, and some other friends of yours are worried. You are so quiet. All you do is study if we aren't training, and you hardly eat. You were a light eater before, but you barely touch your food now. Your uniform is hanging off of you. You have lost a lot of weight, you are short tempered, and you don't seem to care about anything or anyone. I know other people notice it too. What is wrong, sir?"

Roy sighed and lifted his head. His eyes looked even darker than usual, dull and lifeless, sunk into his head. His cheeks were gaunt. "You don't have to call me sir, Armstrong. I am a major, just like you. And... nothing is wrong. Believe me, the less you, or anyone else knows, the better."

Armstrong put a giant hand on Roy's shoulder. "Please, sir. I wish you would talk to someone, even if it isn't me. There are councilors.."

"I don't NEED a councilor!" Roy roared, silencing all of the conversations around him. "I.. just need my space." Roy looked back at his still untouched food. "Now, if you will excuse me, I don't feel hungry." He got up and took his uneaten tray of food to the trash.

Armstrong just sighed. "You never are, sir. You never are."

_______________________________________________________________________

Training continued at a breakneck pace at the other camp as well. Maes was faring about as badly as Roy. His appetite waned, and he spent less time talking to people and more time practicing with his throwing knives, which he had become quite proficient at- to the amazement of most of the soldiers and instructors.

His friends noticed that he was a lot more serious all the time was well. Gone was the joker that always kept them in stitches when the training was the roughest. They tried to talk to him about it, but were given only silence, and soon they too gave the man his space.

Late at night, with only a small gas lamp to illuminate the space around him, he had tried to respond to Roy's letters several times, but no matter how he tried, they always came out wrong, full of hurt and anger. He already felt bad enough at how he had left Roy, and he didn't want to make the man feel any worse.

Maes wasn't even sure why he had reacted to vehemently to what had obviously been harmless. Yeah, maybe Roy had been flirting a little bit, but it was good for keeping up appearances in public, and besides, Roy had been right. Maes knew the person that Roy would come back to.

Didn't he?

Why did he even have that lingering doubt? Roy had never given him any reason at all to think that he would even want to see anyone else. Of course, who knows what had been happening since they were separated into different camps? They were co-ed, though classes were separated. Maybe he had found himself a nice girl, or hell, even a nice guy- some alchemist that was more like him, a handsome, strapping man who had similar interests and desires.

As long as they had been roommates, they had spoken little about their aspirations and interests outside of the military. How well did he really know his man who he called his lover? Was there someone out there that knew him better?

Maes sighed, blew out the lamp, and for the 5th night in a row, put down the pen and paper on his nightstand, with only two words written.

'Dear Roy'

_________________________________________________________________________________

Spring gave way to summer, and summer gradually faded into the fall. The training came to an end, and it was time for assignments to come through. On the last day of training, the new recruits received their orders. For most, it was a foregone conclusion. The war in the East had only escalated, and there had been rumors for many months that alchemists, as well as foot soldiers were going to be sent to the front lines.

Although it was not a surprise in the least, Roy's heart sunk just a little when he read the words "Ishbal Front Lines" on the front of his order papers. "I guess that is where I am doomed to die, alone in a ditch in the God-forsaken desert, alone and helpless." he mumbled to himself. "I just hope that Maes was spared from going to that hell hole. I don't care if I die, but anyone hurts him, I will see to it that not a man is left standing." He had meant every word of it.

__________________________________________________________________________________

A couple of days later found Roy back in Central, in a small apartment that General Grumman kept for visiting guests. The train for Ishbal was leaving from Central in a few days, and there was little to do but wait. Roy kept busy reading his alchemy texts and trying not to wonder what Maes was doing.

Roy almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the lock on the front door moving, awakening him from the nap that he had been taking on top of the alchemy book he had been attempting to read. It was second nature to him by now. He had already reached into his side pocket and put on his white glove with the salamander array, his finger poised to snap in an instant at whomever came through the door.

The door handle turned, agonizingly slow, and a long, angular head with a shock of wild black hair and a pair of glasses came into view.

"Maes?"


	11. Reunion of Souls

There was nothing but relief on Maes' face when he saw the onyx eyed man standing in front of him. Roy's fingers shook for a moment, then his arm fell limply to his side. His knees felt rubbery and he managed to whisper "Maes?" one more time before dropping to his knees, the palms of his hand slapping hard at the wooden floor.

Maes hardly managed to drop his duffel bag and close the door with a kick before running to the lump of a man on the floor. He gently put his arms around Roy and hugged him tight, rocking him softly. "I missed you Roy. I missed you. I am sorry. I tried to write you but I didn't know what to say, and I just kept throwing my letters away."

Roy looked up at Maes for what looked like the first time ever, gold green eyes to black, and Maes almost recoiled. "Roy, you look awful. What did they do to you there? You are all skin and bones. Your face looks so hollow. Are you.."

With a strength that such a skinny man shouldn't possess, Roy took grabbed Maes' arms and gripped them tight, threatening to cut off the taller man's circulation. Roy shook him like a rag doll. "Please.. please tell me they didn't send you there. I don't want you to die. Please tell me you aren't going."

He knew what the alchemist meant. He sighed, softly pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. Gently he shook one arm away from Roy's grasp and reached into his pocket, handing Roy the piece of paper. Roy let go and read softly, his eyes scanning the lines of text. The paper fluttered softly to the floor.

"So that is it, then. We are destined to die together in the deserts of Hell."

Maes sighed and picked up the paper, folding it back and putting it back in his pocket. "We don't know what will happen when we get there. It is actually almost better that the fighting picked up, or else you as an alchemist wouldn't have been sent in, and it would have been me by myself out there. I talked to General Grumman, and he is going to arrange for us to be in the same unit. They are assigning one or two alchemists to every unit of foot soldiers." He paused for a second, not wanting to continue, but knowing that Roy needed to know everything.

"There is something else, Roy. Hawkeye, his granddaughter, is going to be there as well. Apparently she did so well as a sniper that they are rushing her through training. She will be there as the sniper for our unit. I am sorry, Roy. I know you didn't want to hear that." Gently, he put a hand on Roy's shoulder.

"Will you.. ever forgive me, Maes?" Roy finally looked back up, his eyes red rimmed and moist.

Maes looked grimly at Roy, confusion dotting his face. "I care about you too much not to, Roy. You should know that. I think what we need to do is grab some lunch and have a nice long talk. But I don't think either of us are really up to going out. I know a nice Xingian place that delivers. How does that sound? We can talk over some noodles."

Roy nodded, a small gentle smile coming to his face for the first time in longer than he could remember. "You.. know what I like?" he asked hesitantly. Maes smiled, a mischievous smile. "Well, I would like to think so, but since I think you mean what kind of noodles you like, then yes. I remember." He patted his friend's shoulder again and got up to use the phone.

______________________________________________________________________________

Half an hour later, they were chatting amicably about the rigors of the various training that they had had to endure over the past 6 months.

"Oh, don't get me started. You are lucky you didn't have Colonel Sherman to train you. We called him 'Tank Head'. He was as strong, and as dumb as a tank." Maes smiled and loudly slurped another mouthful of noodles into his mouth, splashing some of the sauce onto the side of his cheek.

Roy couldn't help but laugh softly. He wanted to do nothing more than to lean over and lick the sauce off of his lover's cheek. He leaned just the slightest bit forward, but then he hesitated, not sure if he should. Maes didn't move for a moment either, waiting to see what Roy would do. When he didn't do anything else, Maes sighed and licked the sauce off of his cheek, his disappointment apparent.

"We have been avoiding the topic for too long, Roy. We need to talk about it."

Roy sighed and rubbed his temples. He felt a headache coming on. "I know, Maes. I know." He put down his noodles and scooted a little closer to the taller man. "Let me start, please." Maes nodded and put down his food as well.

"I didn't know that what I was doing was making you jealous. I really didn't mean anything by it. I know you don't want to believe me, but it is true. I guess over the years it became such a habit that I didn't even realize that I was flirting with her. When I told you that you know who I will always come home to, I meant that as well. I don't want that waitress. I want you."

Maes nodded, but stayed silent. His mind was a jumble of conflicting emotions. He had a million questions, but he didn't know what to ask. His mouth opened, but no words came out.

"Are... you okay, Maes?" Roy looked worried. Without even thinking his hand reached out for Maes, gently stroking at the side of his face. He shivered, but didn't pull away. His shoulders slumped just a little, and with his release of breath, he seemed to relax just a little under Roy's touch.

"I... I just need to know, Roy. Has there.. been anyone else? At the academy, or during training?"

Roy shook his head and gently put cupped his hand under Maes' chin, pulling their faces close. "I swear on everything that I hold sacred that there has not been anyone, Maes." He saw the fire in the young alchemist's eyes, blazing onyx pools of liquid fire.

Maes nodded. "I believe you. I guess I just need some time to get my head wrapped around all of this."

Roy leaned in and gave Maes a chaste kiss on the end of his nose. "I am not going anywhere. I will be here." He let go, grabbed the noodles and got up, pulling up his chair where it had clattered to the floor when he stood up suddenly and went back to the desk where he re-opened the alchemy book he had been reading. He knew his lover needed some time alone. They had been apart so damn long, and Roy wanted to hold him and kiss him and never let go, but he knew what the man needed, and he put his own feelings aside.

"I am gonna go for a walk, Roy. I will be back." Roy nodded and smiled.

"Have a good walk, love." he replied, not realizing what he had said until after it left his mouth. He looked to Maes, who had a slightly surprised smile on his face.

"I will."

_____________________________________________________________________________

Later in the evening, Roy had started a fire in the fireplace, and the last of the noodles had been consumed. Maes idly poked at the fire with a stick, and Roy finished the book that he had been devouring all day, closing it with a satisfied thud.

Maes smiled and looked over at the source of the loud noise. "Okay, now that you have announced to the world that you are done, did you enjoy it?"

"Well, from a reading standpoint, it was horribly boring, but from an academic standpoint, it was very informative about the history of alchemy."

The older man rolled his eyes. "Oh, how interesting that sounds. I must put it on my summer reading list." he said in a snooty, librarian tone of voice.

Roy got up and sat down beside Maes and put an arm around his shoulder. "You just wait. I will make you an alchemy fan yet. How do you think we got this fire going?"

"I can do the same thing with a little flint and tinder."

"Yeah, but it isn't as pretty as this..." Before Maes could say a word, Roy quickly slipped on his glove and snapped, creating a tiny burst of fire that danced mere inches off of his glove. He made it move, dancing and swaying to the light air currents of the room for a few minutes. It entranced Maes, who watched the firelight reflect in his lovers eyes, before Roy squelched it by grabbing it in his fist and closing it tight.

Roy's brow was sweating by the end, and his breath was slightly ragged. "I.. never told anyone how much control it really takes to manipulate fire. It looks so easy to others when I simply snap my fingers, but they have no idea how much concentration I need to control the air currents and keep the alchemical reaction for fire going. I have to control its strength, size, and direction, and I need to make it look effortless. "

Maes nodded his head. "You do make it look effortless. I guess I never realized how much goes into it. I really don't know much about alchemy. But it is good to know that if I wanted to, I would have a good teacher." he reached over and playfully tousled Roy's hair.

"Hey!" Roy grumbled, glad that he had the quick sense to take off his glove before trying to flatten his hair again. He had already lost clumps of his deep black locks to a static electricity spark when he was younger, but he didn't think Maes needed to know about that little incident.

Roy yawned and stretched his arms wide. "I don't know about you, but I am taking advantage of the few days that we have here to catch up on about 6 months worth of sleep. I can only imagine it will be worse, where we are going."

"That sounds good." Maes stood up and took a couple of steps towards the bathroom, then looked back over his shoulder. "Roy?"

"Yeah, Maes?"

"Are we...er.. sharing a bed?"

"Well, I guess that is up to you. I would love to, if you will have me in the same bed as you."

"I.. would like that." Maes embarrassingly rubbed at the back of his hair.

"Alright then, it is settled. Don't spend too much time in the bathroom there. Heaven knows it is too late to try to improve your looks!"

All Roy got for his efforts was a towel in the face.


	12. Washing of Sins

As was usual the few times the men had shared a bed together, Roy woke up first, with the first rays of the sun streaming through the all too thin curtains. "Remind me to tell General Grumman to get new curtains..." he mumbled to himself. It was another couple of heartbeats before he remembered that he hadn't been alone the night before. A smile slowly grew across his face as he looked at man, still sleeping on his side, curled up in a little ball with his back to Roy, a tiny string of drool threatening to dampen the pillow beneath his angular head.

"Maes." he whispered, reaching down to stroke at his dark hair softly. It caused Maes to shift slightly, but not wake up. Drool crisis averted, apparently. Softly, Roy sighed and stood up, his body reminding him that it had some things that needed to be taken care of.

He walked slowly into the bathroom, trying to not think about the ache between his legs. He tried to convince himself that it was just normal morning wood, and that it would go down on it's own when he relieved himself like it usually did. But he did, and it didn't.

Roy looked back over his shoulder, through the doorway and back into the bedroom, where Maes was stirring just slightly. He knew what, or better whom, was causing this, and he knew how to make it go away, but there had been so much anger and mistrust, would Maes ever want him back, Roy wondered?

He groaned, afraid of what the answer may be. Sure, they shared a bed last night, but they had gone right to sleep, both of them exhausted and mostly clothed. He had felt Maes spoon up behind him, the warmth of his body, the curve of his chest and stomach, and he had felt the slight press of a bulge as well, which made him think that Maes' body still wanted him. But Roy wasn't sure if his head agreed.

Silently cursing himself for thinking about it, which only made his aching worse, he reached over and turned on the shower.

For a moment, he considered a cold shower, but then thought better of it and turned on some heat. He doubted that he would be getting the luxury of hot showers when he went to the front lines. He had heard the stories. He shivered, although he really wasn't cold, and turned the heat up even more.

He stepped in and started to lather himself with soap, but his thoughts kept drifting back to the man in the bed, and his hand unconsciously moved lower on his body. He hardly felt his rough, calloused hand press into the skin of his stomach, skinny and still mostly undeveloped, the abs only now starting to become identifiable. He continued downward, feeling the coarse, curly hair that started as a trail under his navel and traced downwards, becoming wider and thicker until he got between his own legs, making his breath catch slightly. He closed his eyes, and softly moaned. "Maes."

"You know, if you keep that up, we are going to have to do something about that." Roy's eyes snapped open, and the soap dropped out of his grasp and landed on the shower floor with a dull thud. His cheeks flushed hotly and he reflexively tried to cover himself, understanding about half a second later how stupid that really was.

"Oh, um.. Maes.. I am sorry. I am sure this looks bad. Despite the normal excuse that people try to use, this *IS* what it looks like." He looked down at the floor tiles of the shower and put his hands at his sides, his mood quite ruined.

Or so he thought.

"I am flattered that you still think of me like that.. even after having no contact for five months." Maes nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. I would have guessed that you had moved on. Even at the academy, you were never one to dwell for too long."

"What I told you yesterday was true. There hasn't been anyone else. I want to dwell on you. I like how adorably you sleep, curled up in a little ball. When you wake up in the morning, that little lick of hair that you can't control falls over your eyes and tickles your nose, and sometimes it makes you sneeze. And the last thing I see at night is you, not you behind your State uniform, or you with your rectangle glasses, but just you. All of you. That is what I want."

Maes didn't say a word. He stepped into the shower and wasted no time in leaning forward to kiss the shorter alchemist. Roy eagerly kissed back, though part of his brain tried to tell him that this wasn't real. It was a dream, he was still alone in his bunker at training camp, and his former lover was still mad at him for being an arrogant asshole.

He shivered at Maes' touch, so soft and gentle for such a large man. He stood behind Roy, his body pressed close while he leaned his head down and laid light nibbles on his neck.

Roy moaned softly, slapping a hand to the shower tiles on the wall, trying to steady his wobbling legs. Even through the shower, and the soap that was slowly dripping off of his body, he could still smell his lover behind him- that unique combination of musk and scent that made his heart beat faster.

The taller man's licks and nibbles moved from his neck over to his front, he moved his mouth to Roy's nipple and gave it a soft lick. "Rmm... Maes." Roy moaned. It was the first time in so long that Maes had heard this lover moan his name, and it made him pause for a moment. He had forgotten how much he loved Roy moaning for him.

"I am here, Roy. I am not leaving this time." He could feel the vibrations of Maes' voice thrumming through his chest. Roy simply nodded. He tried to push that lingering fear of what was going to happen 2 days from now, and just enjoy the time that had with Maes.

Maes put each of his hands on Roy's shoulders, and used a surprising amount of strength that Roy didn't even know he possessed to turn him so they were facing each other. He leaned in and finally gave Roy a proper kiss, pressing his wet lips to his own. He didn't let go of Roy's shoulders, digging the tips of his fingers into the alchemist's wet skin, his fingernails leaving half moon crescent dents in his flesh.

Eagerly, Roy opened his mouth and pushed his tongue against his lover's lips. He only hesitated for half of a heartbeat before he opened his mouth as well, tongue gently caressing against tongue.

Roy wasted no time in moving the hand that was propped against the wall (and the only thing keeping him from falling to his knees) to Maes' chest. He traced a line down his front, between his pecs, over his flat, still undeveloped stomach, and down to the line of hair, thinner and finer than his, that ran from under his navel and continued down to places that drove Roy wild with desire.

He stopped when he reached the end of the taller man's stomach, where the hip bones sat and the trail of hair became thicker and darker. Roy broke the kiss for a moment, looking into his lover's eyes for a sign that it was okay to continue. Maes didn't say a word. He simply closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Roy's again, harder, with more desire.

Roy's hand traveled further down, feeling through the curly hair, to the throbbing length that twitched softly when he touched it. He heard Maes catch his breath for moment, pressing his body closer and groaning softly. "Yesss.." he hissed, his eyes shutting.

The alchemist smiled, gripping the base of the man's cock, causing Maes to jump just a little. He hesitated for a second, but he didn't ask Roy to stop, so he started slowly, stroking towards the sensitive head, then back to the base. It took him only a heartbeat to start into a rhythm that he had known, falling back into it like a man re-learning how to ride a bicycle. It felt familiar, something that was he was meant to do.

Maes' hands moved as well, at first cupping his lover's rear, feeling the soft curves of his bony hips and thighs before moving forward and starting to stroke as well, although he was more awkward, faster and not as smooth of a rhythm as the more experienced, younger man.

"Roy.. p-p-please.. " Maes moaned, making him pause for a moment in confusion. He kissed the taller man once and looked at him quizzically.

"What do you want, Maes?" he asked.

"You.. I.. want you.."

"You have me, Maes."

"No, I mean.. like before." Roy's eyes lit up. He knew what the man meant. He smiled softly.

"Even in the shower, it will probably still hurt.."

"I don't care. I want you, please." Roy groaned. This man was begging for him. It made his head swim, his knees weak.

"Okay, Maes." Roy took his hand away and leaned down and grabbed the shampoo, squirting it in his hand. Gently, he held Maes' hand in his, leading it away from his own aching length.

"Please turn around, love." he more asked than demanded, and Maes complied immediately. He took a couple of fingers and spread his lover apart, softly and slowing pressing the two digits inside. His brain was telling him to go slow, use one finger first and help ease him into it, but they were so needy they both wanted it so bad.

Maes didn't complain when his body stretched, struggling to take his lover's fingers inside of him. He pushed in, barely pressing against that sensitive bundle of nerves, causing Maes to gasp and hold scrape his fingers into the tiled wall for purchase. "Roy...."

It was like sweet ambrosia, when Maes said his name. It urged him on. He quickly pressed a third finger inside, marveling at how wonderfully tight Maes was. He was so new to all of this, yet he didn't hesitate a moment, totally trusting in his lover.

He heard Maes sigh when he pulled his fingers out. "Just one moment, my love" Roy whispered into his ear, giving his earlobe a soft nibble. He squirted a little more shampoo on his hand and stroked himself a few times, coating himself in the slimy liquid. He knew that the water should help, but the shampoo should be even better, he hoped. He only wanted pleasure for the man in front of him. He wanted to give him the world.

Or, at least his part of it.

Roy wasted no time, using an unsteady, nervous hand to hold himself as he positioned himself against his lover's entrance.

"Are you ready?" he asked anxiously.

"Yes, please, Roy. I want you."

He smiled. As many time as he had asked, he couldn't help but having that inkling of a doubt that one of these days he was going to say no. He wasn't sure he would be able to survive if that day ever came, but he was determined to enjoy what he had for the moment.

With a soft grunt, Roy pressed into his lover, feeling the slick warmth envelop the most intimate part of him. Maes shut his eyes tight and gripped the tiles so hard his knuckles whitened and grout caked under his nails. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. Even with the water and the shampoo, it was a lot to take.

Roy fought back the urges welling deep within the primitive part of his brain and pushed slowly into Maes, sighing when he finally had seated himself fully within the taller man. He waited for a moment, letting Maes get use to the feeling again, his hand snaking over his thigh and gently holding onto his cock. He started to stroke at it softly.

"Are you okay, love?" Roy asked.

"I.. think so.. yes."

He hesitated. "You *ARE* sure, Maes?"

"Yes, please."

Roy smiled and started to pull back until only the very tip was still inside of his lover. He stopped for just a heartbeat, then pushed back in, a little harder than before. Maes tried to keep his stance but he couldn't help but be pushed forward a little, even by a man who he outweighed and had a couple of inches of height on.

"Oh... Roy.." Maes moaned, pressing his palms hard into the tiled walls to keep himself on his feet. Roy smiled and bottomed out again, not hesitating any more. His movements quickened- his hand stroking Maes in time with his thrusts inside. Roy leaned his head down, laying light nibbles on his neck, gently tugging lightly at the skin around his collarbone and clavicle.

"I.. am.. rrrf.. close.." Maes groaned. arching his back and pressing his hips backwards against Roy. Roy almost growled in pleasure, his movements speeding up, his breath became ragged and it was hard for him to focus, white spots appeared in his vision, and his legs wobbled.. desperately he continued on, so close, right on the edge of the cliff, ready to fall..

"Roooooyy!!!" He called out his lovers name. With one arch of the back, his whole body stiffened and he flew over the edge into the freefall of pleasure, his seed mixing with the water, spreading over himself and his lover's hand and the tile and dribbling down into the drain with the rest of the liquid. Roy felt his whole body tense, all of his lover's muscles tensing over his own, and a few moments later Roy cried out his name, thrusting hard once inside of him before it overtook him and he felt the warm liquid oozing out and down.

Neither had noticed that the water had long since turned tepid, and then cold, but it didn't take long for the cold water dribbling over their bodies to shock them back to their senses. Roy smiled and gently turned Maes around, giving him a long, lingering kiss. "I hope you liked it, love."

"Mmm.. It was wonderful, Roy. I hope I don't walk funny in a couple of days." He joked, though his face went sour at the thought of what was going to happen in a few days. "I am sorry. I don't mean to bring down the mood." his face was gloomy, but Roy smiled.

"I am with the person I love. Nothing can bring me down." Roy gave him another kiss, rinsed himself off quickly, and stepped out of the shower. "I am going to start breakfast. Don't take too long, love!" Roy called over his shoulder.

Maes frowned and sighed, thumping his head on the wall of the shower. "Nothing can bring you down." Maes repeated, even gloomier than before.


	13. A Broken Trust

Roy was cheerily fixing some toast and eggs with cheese when Maes walked into the kitchen, dressed only in a white tank top and boxer shorts. Roy, on the other hand, had decided to dress fully in a pair of comfortable black slacks and a black button up shirt with a collar that hugged the curves of his body almost perfectly. Maes groaned lightly.

"Hey, love!" Roy called happily, while flipping the toast over in the pan. "You hungry?"

"Not really." Maes answered honestly.

He took the pan of the stove and turned around, coming over to give his lover a kiss. "Ah. If you are worried about that little comment in the shower about us leaving in a couple of days, don't worry about it. I mean there is nothing we can do about it. No need to make yourself sick worrying about something you can't change. We just need to enjoy the time we have before we go."

"Yeah, sure." Maes slumped down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table and picked up the newspaper that the general had thoughtfully arranged to be delivered. Roy shrugged. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but he smiled, thinking that he had some ways to get to the bottom of it. He went back to finishing breakfast.

Not long after, two plates were set before the men, and Roy went about ravishing his portion. He was almost already halfway through his meal before he noticed that all Maes was doing was poking his fork in his eggs, like he was trying to stab at something trying to get away from him.

"Now, Maes. You will get plenty of knife practice later. Why don't you eat now?" Roy smiled, trying to get his friend to open up, or at least feel a little better.

"I am sorry. I am sure it is good, but I am just not hungry." He pushed his plate towards the middle of the table.

Roy's face darkened, a mix of anger, frustration and confusion on his features. He crossed his arms. "Alright, Maes. You need to tell me what the hell is wrong. I thought we just stopped being mad."

Maes sighed, and looked down at the table, pushing his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "I am not mad, Roy. Don't worry. I promise, it isn't anything you did."

"Are you worried about Ishbal? I mean I know it is scary, but we will be close by, and I know we will be alright."

Maes shook his head. "No... yes.. well, I mean that I am scared about Ishbal, I won't lie about that. But.. it is something else." He sighed again, keeping his head down on the table, forehead pressed to the wood that was cool to the touch.

"Something else? What is wrong?" Maes could hear the worry in his lover's voice. He knew that the man sensed that something was wrong. For a moment, he almost couldn't do it, couldn't tell him what the man deserved to know. He took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Roy, I need to tell you something. Something that will be hard, but you need to hear it, even if it hurts." Maes closed his eyes, his nose pressing into the wood of the table, tears starting to pool under his face. He could hardly talk, his throat was closing on him.

"Roy, when we went away for training, and we were at different bases, I... started talking to a girl. She is a civilian who works at a bakery, so she made deliveries pretty often. At first it was nothing, just hello in the mess hall, then we got to talking, and she is a real nice girl. Her name is Gracia, and she is only a year younger than me. She is real nice, and we never did anything much.. I think I held her hand once and I think she tried to kiss me a couple of times, but I never did anything else, I swear..." He hadn't realized how much he was rambling on until he suddenly found himself out of breath. He sucked in a deep gulp of air and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, a fist to the face maybe, or a plate at his head, or even worse, a snap of the fingers. Roy never kept his gloves far from him. They were probably in his pocket. How long would it take him to get the glove out, put it on his hand, and snap his fingers? He figured probably less than ten seconds for sure.

Had it been ten seconds yet? It seemed like it. He hadn't heard Roy stand up to get his gloves. Maybe he could reach into his pocket while still sitting down.

He waited some more. Still nothing.

He wanted to raise his head, but he was afraid. His heart raced. What would he find?Anger? Sadness? Regret? Two fingers poised to strike?

Maes wasn't sure if it was a minute or an hour before he finally got up the nerve to raise his head. His heart skipped a beat, his red, teary eyes slowly moving upwards from the table to the space across from him. Roy was still there. He didn't have his glove on. In fact, he hadn't moved at all, it seemed. He still had a fork full of eggs raised halfway to his mouth, gravity making small clumps of the yellow mush fall back to the plate.

The older man tried to say something. He opened his mouth, but his throat was dry, his lips cracked, his stomach felt like someone had kicked him and then was sitting on him. Roy's face was blank. There was no emotion there, like it was a face chiseled from stone. There they sat, staring, gold-green eyes to black, and Maes' face wilted. He never could stand up to the fire that burnt so hot behind those eyes, and he had never seen the heat so intense than at this moment.

After what may have been an eternity, for all Maes knew, Roy placed two hands on the table and pushed the chair back with a loud screeching noise against the cold linoleum floor. He stood up, and Maes tensed, wondering if this was the end of his life. He thought about pleading for the man to spare him, but then he wasn't really sure that he deserved it.

Roy said nothing. He simply turned away from the table and walked through the kitchen, out into the main room, then out the front door, not even bothering to take a coat with him. The door closed, not with a slam, but with a soft creak and a satisfying thud.

And that was it. Roy was out of the house, and as far as Maes knew, out of his life. He wasn't sure if he was going to go AWOL from the military, or come back just to gather his stuff, or maybe he was going to find a girl to cheat on like he had. It would serve him right, he thought.

Maes didn't care that he was a grown man crying, his hot tears stinging his eyes and running down his face. He pounded the table with his fists, over and over, harder and harder, until his knuckles bled and his skin was rubbed raw. And when he didn't have any more tears to shed, and his knuckles refused to bleed any more, he got up and went over to the general's liquor cabinet and pulled out the first bottle he saw, not even bothering to look at what it was or get a glass to pour it in, he opened the top with a loud *POP* and took a swig of something that burned going down his throat, and it burnt just as much- or even more- coming back up a few seconds later.

_______________________________________________________________________________

In his alcohol induced haze, Maes couldn't be sure what time it was, although he knew it was very late. The sun had gone down hours ago, and in between bouts of drinking, vomiting, and passing out, he watched the clock on the wall's hands move steadily around the face one full time and start with a second round.

He had already finished one bottle of a clear liquid, and was most of the way thru another bottle of a spicy brown liquor that tasted like cinnamon and cloves when it forced itself the opposite direction up his throat. He tried to stand up, on wobbly legs, his hands shaking, which sloshed the small amount of liquid that was left in the exotic looking bottle. Maes was only able to take a couple of steps towards the front door when he fell to his knees, the bottle rolling out of his hand and across the floor. Amazingly it didn't break, but the last of the liquor soaked into the hardwood floors, not that Maes really cared anyways.

"Roy.." he hoarsely croaked, the first word that he had said all day, since the breakfast table. He reached out a hand towards the door and fell flat on his face, his glasses falling and cracking under his weight, small shards of glass embedding themselves in his cheek. His nose started to bleed, but he couldn't feel it. He was unconscious before he hit the hard floor.

______________________________________________________________________________

Birds chirped outside, and sunlight streamed in through the two wide windows on either side of the front door. Maes slowly opened his eyes. It took him a few long movements to focus. His eyes ached. His whole body ached, his stomach muscles ached, his head pounded like a jackhammer, and his face was burning.

He groaned, finally getting himself to a sitting position. He used a hand to shield his eyes from the light, thinning his eyes to slits. He instinctively reached for his glasses, when he saw them crushed under him. He felt his face and hissed in pain, the pads of his fingers rubbing over shards of glass and dried, caked on blood and left over vomit.

Slowly, he crawled over to a chair and used it to help himself up to a shakily standing position. "R-roy?" he groaned, his voice not sounding like his own. He looked around but didn't see any signs of movements. There were no sounds other than his ragged breathing. "Roy?" he called out a little louder. He wasn't sure if he could walk, but he didn't have much of a choice.

Silently he thanks whatever deity was above that the house was a small, one story affair. It only look him a few minutes to search the 1 bedroom house. He was not surprised at all when it turned out that he was only person in the place.

Maes sighed and walked to the bathroom, where he relieved himself before facing the inevitable face in the mirror. He shivered when he saw himself. He had never in his life had he seen himself so low. His eyes were red and puffy, bloodshot. His nose was at a slightly odd angle, blood caked from where it had hit the floor last night. His face was full of little bruises from the hardwood, his lip was slightly split and swollen, and he had little trails of spit and vomit on the sides of his mouth. He was lucky that only a few shards of glass had stuck in his cheeks, and they were big enough to see and pluck out with a pair of pliers.

When he was done with the grizzly task, He washed his hands, which had bruises from falling as well, and his face as best he could. As much as he would love to have taken a shower, he needed to find Roy, and the thought of the last time he was in that shower still stuck in his mind like a rat to tar paper.

He put a few little bandages on his cuts and put on a new set of clothing, then went out, not really sure where to start searching in the capital (and largest) city in Amestris for one man who most likely doesn't want to be found.

The looks that he had gotten as he was asking people around town if they had seen Roy Mustang (who he had luckily kept the old picture of them on day they graduated from the academy), ranged from shock and confusion to pity. Some people thought he had been mugged and offered him some lunch or change, which he politely refused. There was no way he was going to tell them that his was what he did to himself in a drunken stupor. He was at least glad that he had one more change of civilian clothes, or else it would have been his dress blues, and that would have been even more awkward to try to explain.

It was well after lunch when Maes finally checked the right bar. There were only so many bars that Roy had frequented, but they, of course with his luck, were scattered all around town, and he severely limited himself on cab rides, considering the amount of sens that the military paid him was hardly enough to live on.

When he finally found Roy, it was outside the Rusty Barnacle Pub. He had always thought that was a weird name for a landlocked town, but it was one of Roy's favorites, and he silently cursed himself for not checking it sooner. It was so far on the other side of town he wanted to check some closer ones, even though they were less likely to be housing his lost lover.

He wasn't in the pub itself, but in the filthy, dingy alleyway on the side, next to the door where the bouncers eject the drunk and unruly. Maes almost missed him. He was laying, face down next to a pile of garbage. When the garbage groaned and started to move, he knew who he had found.

"Roy!" he yelled and ran full tilt into the alleyway. He rolled the groaning man onto his back where he sputtered and coughed, blinking his eyes, and trying to get them to focus.

"Roy!" Maes exclaimed again. He didn't even have time to blink before a fist hit him squarely in the face, instantly bloodying his nose yet again. Maes reeled back, stumbling backwards a couple of steps before regaining his footing. Before he could say anything, Roy was up on his feet stumbling forward towards him.

"Please, Roy, please wait!" Maes cried out, holding his palms out towards him, shielding his face. "Please, Roy!" He sighed audibly when Roy took one more shaky step, then crumbled to his knees, his eyes red.

"Maes. How could you?" he asked softly, his voice barely over a whisper. "I was faithful the whole time you were gone. You think I didn't have my pick of the women on the base? Do you think that I didn't get phone numbers and propositions? I had to make up one lame excuse or another to get out of it." Roy tried to get up, but stumbled back down to his knees again.

"I trusted you, Maes. I trusted you to be faithful. I trusted you that there was no one else in your life. I believed you when you said you loved me. I loved you. I LOVED you, Maes. Don't you understand that? That isn't something that I just fall into. I have been with a lot of women, but I didn't really love them, not like I loved you. I wanted to spend my life with you, and damn the rest of the fucking world who thinks that it is wrong."

Maes took a step forward, almost within arm's reach of Roy. He got on his knees, his breath ragged. "Roy, please. I want to try to explain..."

"Explain?! EXPLAIN?! what is there to explain, Maes? You were seeing someone on the side, and you expect me to... what be happy about it?" Roy took a deep breath and used a dumpster to his side to stand on his feet again. "I am going home, Maes. I don't really care if you follow me or not."

He was expecting another punch, or a kick while he was on his knees when Roy walked past. Maes tensed his muscles and closed his eyes, but nothing happened. He heard Roy's footsteps file past him, and then behind him, eventually fading into the distance. He softly let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Oh God, Roy. What did I do?" Maes murmured.


	14. Letter Never Sent

Roy wandered the streets of Amestris for a while, winding down back alleyways and well traveled short cuts to try to avoid the main roads and meeting anyone that he knew while on the way back to the house. He hadn't thought to take his wallet with him, and the night before he had relied on his charms and looks to get some free drinks out of the pretty girls that frequented the establishment. That had lasted him a while, and by the time the girls figured out that he had no interest in bedding them and left, he was already well on his way to feeling nothing.

Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew what he was doing was wrong. Just because his lover talked to other people doesn't mean that he should, but every time he thought about that the bile rose in the back of his throat and the anger threatened to well up again, and he pushed it down with more drinks and more girls.

The small house that they were staying in came into view, and a mix of emotions swept through the man. Was Maes going to be there already? What if he was? What if he wasn't? could he even go in there, knowing what had transpired over the last couple of days? Did he really have a choice?

He sighed, and shrugged, guessing that he didn't have much of a choice. He was glad that at least he had grabbed his keys from the small side table by the front door as he was leaving. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, holding his breath for a few tense moments. It was quiet, and dark. He had beaten Maes home.

As he stepped in, he noticed that the mail had been pushed through the slot on the bottom of the door. he hesitated, not sure who the mail was going to be for, but in the end decided to take a look. He wandered back to the table where he had been sitting the first day, the day he was reading an alchemy text when Maes had come through the door, and Roy had almost fried him because he wasn't sure who it was. knowing what he did now, he wondered, would he have steadied his hand?

Most of the mail was either junk, or for General Grumman. Those he laid on the even increasing pile of his mail on the desk. But there was one letter, a letter that was addressed to Maes. He turned it over in his hand. The envelope was the nice stuff, made of reused paper. It had a rough feel under his calloused fingers. The writing was in a pretty cursive script. It wasn't anything official, or military. It was unlikely that it was from Maes' family. The little family he had left he never heard from. That left only one person, which was confirmed when he moved his thumb from over the return address and saw the name 'Gracia' on it.

Every instinct in his body told him to put on the glove that he knew was in his left front pocket and snap his fingers. Maes would never know, and if he was lucky, he wouldn't be able to write her once they were in the deserts of Ishbal. His right hand kept turning the envelope over, front to back to front again. His left hand wandered down his side, against the smooth silkiness of his black dress shirt, and down to his pocket. He felt the rough material of his glove with the pads of his fingers.

Just a snap, he told himself. Less than a second, and it would be over. He pulled his glove out of his pocket, staring at it, into it, through it, like he was trying to gauge it's secrets. He sighed and put the glove down on the top of the desk and rubbed his hand through his hair and over his face.

He laid the letter down next to the glove and stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet, where he found the empty bottle of vodka and the bottle of spiced rum on its side and spilled on the floor. "Maes, damnit." he groaned, picking up the two bottles to throw them away when the front door opened.

"Maes." Roy said flatly, knowing even before his head appeared around the corner. He  
placed the empty bottles on the kitchen counter and went back to the main room, where the taller man was standing in the middle of the room, his arms at his sides, seemingly unsure as to what to do next. His left eye was starting to swell a bit from where Roy had punched him, which added nicely to the injuries that he had given himself the night before. He had tried to gingerly wipe off some of the dried blood that caked the area between his nose a mouth again, but there were still dark brown crusty spots hanging off his pale skin.

Roy walked past him, keeping his distance, and picked up the letter and the glove from the table. He pocked the glove and handed Maes the letter. "Here." he said. "For you." He didn't wait for a response, but went back to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a scotch, a drink that he had recently started to favor.

Maes looked at it dumbly for a moment, almost like he wasn't sure what it was. He read the return address and knew immediately, his heart sinking just a little. He had seen Roy pocket his glove when he picked up the letter. Considering he was going into investigations, it took him less than a second to figure that out.

"Thanks for not torching it, Roy." he said in the hoarse whisper that had become his voice. Roy nodded, and continued to watch the man. It unnerved Maes more than a little bit. He wasn't sure what the man wanted. An apology? He had already tried that, and it got him slugged in the face. He looked down at the letter. Roy wants me to open this, he thought. He sighed, and guessed that he owed at least that much to the man that he guessed was his former lover.

Using his index finger, he ripped at the seam at the top of the letter and pulled it out. The lavender colored paper smelt slightly of the flower that it resembled. Maes had always loved that smell, it reminded him of her. But this time it was like acid for his nostrils.

He unfolded the letter and started to read, his mouth silently speaking the words, his eyes roaming across and down the hand written lines.

"Out loud." Roy said from his sitting place at the desk.

"Umm.. all of it? I don't think you-"

"ALL of it!"

Maes sighed, closing his eyes for a second and nodding. "Alright. All of it." He cleared his throat and started.

"My Dearest Maes. I hope this letter finds you well. I know that you are going off to war soon and that scares me. I have seen what the soldiers look like when they come back. They are changed men, inside and out. I don't want to lose you, your body or your soul. But I know it is what you want to do, and I respect that. No matter what happens.." Maes paused and looked over at Roy, who flashed him a dangerous look and nodded.

He cleared his throat. "No matter what happens.. I.. will always love you no matter what." He sighed, and continued. " I loved the last letter you wrote me, right before you left training. Please remember to thank General Grumman for giving me this forwarding address. It sounds like you are very excited to see Roy again. I am glad that you two became such good friends at the military academy. It sounds like he really does care for you. I know you were telling me that you were really mad at him for that morning at the breakfast counter, but it sounds like he didn't mean it, and I bet he will be very happy to see you. Don't dwell on the past, just enjoy the present, and hope for the future."

Maes paused for a moment to look over at Roy. He seemed just as surprised as Maes was about what Gracia had written. "You.. told her.. about us?" he demanded more than asked. "And.. you still went after each other."

He wasn't really sure how to answer that. There was no real good to answer, so he was honest. "Well, we both thought we would keep it friendly, because she knew about you pretty early on, but.. I dunno.. it just, kinda blossomed."

"And you waited until after a nice make up fuck to tell me huh?"

"Roy, it isn't like-"

"Just keep reading."

Maes groaned, and picked up where he left off. "Not much else to say here. The bakery is doing well, and I am on the base almost every day now. There are a lot of your friends here asking about you. That young, goofy one you met right before you shipped off- Havoc I think was his name? He keeps trying to ask me out, but I just don't like him that way. He is nice enough, but I hate that smoking habit of his."

"Anyways, I am really glad you found someone special to you. I worry almost every night that I am going to tear you away from him, and I don't want that. It isn't fair. He was in your life first. I will always care for you, but if you must be with him then I understand. I will always be your friend no matter what, Maes. I care for you too much not to be. I am not sure if you are going to be able to write to me when you get to Ishbal. I will worry and think about you, and your friend. I hope that you both come back home safe and sound, and quickly. I love you and miss you, Gracia."

Maes sighed and flopped into a nearby arm chair, his arm draping over the outside of the arm rest, the letter fluttering and quietly landing on the hardwood below. He used his other arm to prop up his throbbing head, which suddenly seem incapable of holding itself upright. Maes closed his eyes. "So... that is it."

Roy was quiet for a few moments. A few long, agonizing moments that drug by. Finally he softly asked "So, that is it then. She knows you were.. are.. with me. And yet she still professes her love. Forgive me if I don't believe that she really has your best interests at heart." he spat.

"Roy, I don't know how else I can say this. I love you. I have loved you for a long time now. And I still love you, although I get the feeling that it isn't mutual any more. I didn't think that I would develop feelings for her. God knows I didn't try, and I didn't ask for it, but dammit, it happened."

He rubbed his eyes over his face and looked up at his lover. "Roy, if you want me to write a letter to her and tell her that I can't see her, or talk to her any more, I will. I won't tell her anything about who asked me to do it or what prompted it or anything, just that it is for the best. I will do it right now and walk myself to the post office and mail it this very day if you tell me to. I don't know how else to prove to you that I love you. I have loved you and I will love you. I fucked up. I know that. I can't change what happened, but I will do it with no regrets right this second. Just say it."

"I know better than that. You say you will have no regrets, but that is a damn lie." Roy's low voice rumbled. "You know that as well as I. Ten years from now, you will see a man and a woman with their kids playing in the park and wonder 'could that have been me?' You will wonder what you missed by staying with a broken man like me, in a relationship where we can't even hold hands in public- if someone found out we could be beaten up, or worse. You are asking me to let you give up a normal life for that. I can't do it. I won't."

Maes sighed, his shoulders slumping a little. "But... then.. where does that leave us?" Maes barely whispered.

"I don't know." Roy drained the last of his scotch and stood up. "I am going to need a while to think about it. I am going to take a shower." he flashed a stern look at Maes' direction. He knew well the unspoken sentence afterward. 'And don't follow me.'

He watched as Roy walked down the hall and turned for the bathroom. Even from here he heard the lock click. It didn't surprised him, though a part of him was disappointed that Roy still didn't trust him not to follow. Of course, after what he had done, did he even really deserve to be trusted? Right now, the answer was no. But still, he was hoping that this was a step in the right direction. At least Roy knew know. He knew about her, and he knew that she was aware of them together, for as much good as that was.

Still, he had to hope that things would have to get at least a little better from here. He wasn't sure how it could get much worse.


	15. Shattered Pieces

Maes wished that he had brought more than just a couple of rather small books on the military history of Amestris by the end of the evening. He had already devoured both of them and was holding the first book in his hand again, contemplating how boring it would be to start to read it a second time when Roy broke him out of his thoughts.

"Hungry?" Maes sighed. All day Roy had been reduced to saying as little as he could to him, mostly one syllable sentences when he needed to ask Maes something.

"Not really." He answered. He was actually pretty hungry, considering he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, but he still wasn't sure if he would even be able to keep any food down, and he certainly didn't want a repeat of the night before. He put down the book and heaved himself out of the chair that he had settled in long before the sun had set hours ago. His joints creaked angrily at him, but he ignored them.

"Roy, look. We really need to start talking, about something. Anything. We leave the day after tomorrow, and I don't know how much I am going to see you once we get there."

"Well, you can always write her." Roy spat back. Immediately his face softened a little, and he bit his lip. As soon as the words had left his mouth he regretted saying it, but it was too late. The damage had already been done. "Maes, I am sorry. I didn't mean it like-"

"No, you are right. I deserved it." He flopped back into the chair, his legs becoming mostly useless. "I still don't know what I am going to do, Roy. I don't know if you even want me any more. I don't know if I will come back alive and get to see either of you again. I don't know.... anything."

Roy sat up from the couch that he had been draped over for a while. "I don't know either, Maes." He rubbed his had over his face. "I already told you not to write her and break it off, and I stand by that. But I just need a little time, that is all. I know we don't have much time right now, but something like this doesn't just go away."

"I know, Roy. I know. I just wish I hadn't fucked everything up and we could still be happy together. Now we are going into a war and who the hell knows what is going to happen?"

Roy bit his lip. He swallowed hard, keeping the snide comment that had almost fallen from his lips to himself. 'Well, you could have not talked to her'. But it didn't really make sense anyways. None of this made sense. Maes had already said that he had had no intention of falling for her, that it just happened. And Roy believed him. Even though he had.. almost.. cheated on him, (does a couple of little kisses mean cheating?) he still believed the man. He wasn't even sure why. After all this if Roy didn't believe him, there was probable cause. So then why did he feel almost.. sorry for Maes?

Roy blinked, then noticed that Maes had been staring at him the entire time. How long had he been lost in his thoughts? Well it didn't matter anyways. "What?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Nothing. Sorry." Maes said gloomily. He opened the first book again and started to read like the wind.

__________________________________________________________________________

Roy yawned loudly, waking Maes from the soft nap that he had taken on his book with a start. He sputtered and raised his head, the book following him for just a moment before it unstuck from his cheek and fell back into his lap.

"I am going to sleep here, Maes. You are more than welcome to the bed, but I would... rather not..." he trailed off.

Maes sighed and closed the book, putting it on the small coffee table. He stood up, his stiff muscles arguing for a brief moment before giving into his request for movement. "Okay, Roy. I.. I love you." Roy made a noncommittal grunt and rolled over so his back was facing outwards from the couch.

He took a blanket that had been folded up neatly on the back of one of the chairs and unfolded it, laying it softly on top of the man on the couch, who had his eyes closed. "Goodnight, Roy." he whispered, and headed quietly towards the bedroom, alone.

_________________________________________________________________________________

It had been a fitful sleep at best for Roy Mustang, for the second night in a row, and it was starting to take a toll on him, although at this point sleep was about the last thing he was thinking about. Even though his body ached for it, he hesitated going to the bathroom. It would take him past the bedroom, and past *him*.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, standing up and stretching his arms. After trying to ignore it for a few minutes, he padded as quietly down the hallway as he could, hoping that the creaky old floorboards didn't give him away. Even with that, he found himself pausing at the door to the bedroom, which was surprisingly open. He peered in, thinning his eyes to try to see through the darkness.

The bed was empty. He could tell it had been slept in, or at least attempted to be slept in. The covers were thrown wildly about, like the occupant had been thrashing around, but it was quiet and still now. Roy tried to not care, but worry set in. What if Maes tried to do something stupid, like go out drinking.. or worse? His stomach sank, and he ran to the bathroom to vomit out an empty stomach.

A few minutes later he walked back out of the bathroom and searched the house, finding no one. When he walked into the kitchen, there was a hastily scribbled note on the counter. He picked it up, reading it out loud. "Roy- went out to get something. Will be back soon. Maes."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. If he hated Maes so damn much, why had he been worried when he wasn't here? And why had he felt so.. good when Roy knew that he was alright? He thought about the other night, when he had gone out to the bar and not come home. Was that how Maes had felt when he woke up and he wasn't there? Did he feel sick to his stomach? Did he search frantically for someone who wasn't there?

"God, I need a drink." He walked over to the cabinet and pulled out the scotch that he had started on the day before, this time taking the time to at least pour it into a glass- or attempt to with his shaking hands. He sat on the chair, the one that Maes had occupied yesterday. It was long since cold, devoid of his body heat, but his smell was still there. That particular brand of soap that the goofball loved so much, the aftershave that had a slightly fruity lingering scent to it. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths.

"Maes."

___________________________________________________________________________

That was how Maes found him, his hand curled around an empty glass of scotch, his head lolling to the side. His eyes were shut in sleep, but he twitched and groaned. It was anything but a peaceful sleep. For a moment, he didn't want to wake the man. It was so rare that he saw Roy raw and unguarded. When he was asleep he was not the mighty Roy Mustang, flame alchemist, lady killer, loyal military dog. He was just his lover, Roy. A sad smile broke across Maes' face as he took the small bag with his purchase and put it in the bedroom.

He knew that Roy had slept more than himself the night before, although he was pretty sure it hadn't been a restful slumber. Maes had watched him for part of the night. He tossed and turned, thrashing off his blanket more than once. And every time, Maes would quietly sneak to the couch and drape it back over him, silently praying that he wouldn't wake the man. He never did.

Maes let him sleep for a little while longer, while he made a hasty breakfast of cereal with bananas and buttered toast, and using up the last of the fresh orange juice that was left in the icebox. Roy seemed to be more relaxed now. He wasn't moving around, and his face looked almost... peaceful. He really didn't want to do it, but he gently laid a hand on Roy's shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. "Roy. I have breakfast."

As soon as Roy's eyes opened, the older man took his hand off of his shoulder and stood up, letting him wake up gradually.

"Hmm.. wha?" Roy asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"Breakfast. I have breakfast for us."

"Oh.. hmm.. okay.. jus' gimme m'second."

He had to smile. Roy had never really been much of a morning person, and it had always amused Maes in the past how cute he was when he was just trying to wake up. He had to wonder if he would ever get to see that again?

It wasn't long before Roy joined him in the kitchen, and they started to eat. Neither of them had eaten much the last couple of days, and the food didn't last long. The breakfast, as short as it was, was still quiet and awkward. Maes kept trying to figure out something that he could start a conversation with, but nothing came to his mind.

When it was done, Maes silently took their plates and started to wash them in the sink. Roy sat at the table, his fingernail digging softly into the wood. "Thank you." Roy said.

Maes stopped and turned around, a confused look etched onto his features. "For.. what?"

"Last night. It was cold, and I kept finding the blanket back on me."

"Oh." Maes scratched at a non existent itch on the back of his neck. "Okay. I.. didn't think you saw me. I didn't.. want to get too close. I wasn't sure you wanted me to."

"I... don't know." Roy admitted, rubbing his hand through his hair.

It was silent again for a while. Maes quickly finished up the plates and put them on a towel to dry. "Please, stay there, Roy. I want to go get something from the other room. I will be right back." Roy nodded. In only a moment he was back with a small box. He sat down at the table opposite from Roy and opened the small dark blue felt box, and pulled out a well worn, tarnished silver ring on a much newer looking chain.

He dangled it in the air for a moment. It twirled and glistened as it caught the light and the air patterns, showing off the intricate inlay designs and the small onyx black stone set at the top. "This was my grandfather's ring." Maes started. He gave it to my dad.. and... and before my dad died he gave it to me. He wanted me to pass it down. But I want to give it to you. It has always been a source of good luck for me. Hell, I had it in my pocket the night in the dorms rooms, when I admitted that I liked you. I guess I should have carried it with me more the last few months."

Roy looked at it, reaching out a hand to take it. Maes let it go, and it fell, the chain pooling in the palm of the young alchemist's hand. He grasped it with two fingers, turning it around and over, inspecting every millimeter of its surface. "Onyx stone. That is very rare." He observed. "It is silver, but someone didn't take good care of it. It is dirty and tarnished, but it could be cleaned."

His eyes thinned, and the worry lines came to his face when he started to study it more intensely than before. He brought it closer and strained to look at the inside of the band. "There is something written inside, but I cant read it. 'Amor vincit omnia'. What strange language is that?"

"My grandfather told me it was an ancient language from a land far away that has since faded only into memory. I don't remember what he called the language, but it translates into 'Love Conquers All'."

"Love conquers all, huh?" Roy took the ring and tried it on his ring finger, very surprised to see that it fit fairly well. It was a bit loose, but his joint kept it from falling off totally. He took it back off and held it aloft, letting it hang from the chain again. "It is a very nice ring, Maes. I don't want to take it away from your family."

"I know you probably hate me right now, but you are family, Roy. I don't want to see you mad, or hurt. I love you. I don't know how you feel, but I do. I can't just stop. I want you as a part of my life. The ring isn't leaving the family, as far as I am concerned."

Roy sighed, but didn't give the ring back. "I would be lying if I said I didn't still love you. But I can't just pretend that this didn't happen." Maes smiled slightly when Roy put the chain around his neck and dropped it. He heard the soft clink as the ring hit the metal of the dog tags that he was still wearing around his neck. There was an awkward silence for a moment before Roy re-started the conversation. "I guess you went out and got the chain this morning then?"

"Yeah. I had just been keeping it loose in my pocket. It is a miracle in itself that I never lost it. But this way, at least it is in better hands." Maes nudged Roy gently, making him rock to the side. He didn't miss the tiny smile that worked its way up one corner of Roy's mouth.

"You were always the more responsible one, Maes. I would go out with girls, drinking and procrastinating on studying, and you would always have your damn head in one book or another. If you were done with your studies you would read ahead, or read those massively boring books for fun. I never understood that." he sighed. "I guess.. maybe that is part of the reason why this whole thing shocked me so much. That it was so irresponsible, so unlike you."

Maes ruffled his already tussled hair and pushed his glasses back up his straightened nose. "I know. And I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, Roy. If it takes the rest of my life I will do it."

"Well, let's just get through today. We have less than 24 hours before we are shipped out. I don't know about you, but this place is depressing. I think I just want to take a walk. If you want to come with me, you can, though I'm not sure how talkative I will be."

"Sounds good. I know there is a little park near the barracks that I used to love to take my books and study under the trees. I'll show it to you." Roy nodded, and swept his hand forward, indicating for the older man to lead the way.

Maes smiled wider. Maybe things were getting just a little bit better.

_________________________________________________________________________________

The day moved fairly quickly. Things were still a bit awkward between the two, but for the most part they managed some polite and intelligent conversations, even getting into a heated debate about the future of the country.

"I still think Fuhrer Bradley is a good man. We are in a war, and he is doing the best he can to end it. That is why he is sending in you alchemist freaks."

Roy cringed slightly. He never really liked it when Maes called all alchemists freaks, even though he knew he did it mostly just because it got under Roy's skin. "I don't know. There is something I don't like about the man. I can't place it, but he just seems... off." He shrugged. "Ah, what do I care. I am just another 'freak alchemist', like you said."

They got back to the house late in the evening. They weren't even sure where the time had gone, but the sun was setting on their last day in Central, for who knew how long. Even though they knew it was their last meal, neither of them were very hungry, and a lack of sleep was catching up with them.

"I think I am going to turn in early." Roy said, stretching his arms. He looked at the couch, then looked back towards the bedroom. Maes followed his eyes and sighed.

"If you want the bed, I can take the couch tonight- "

"I do want the bed, but I don't think I want to sleep alone. I haven't forgiven you, but this is the last night we have, together, before we go. I.. just want to feel a little warmth. I am so cold."

"Okay." Maes nodded and headed towards the bedroom, taking off his button up shirt and pants, leaving his boxers and white sleeveless undershirt. Roy came in a few moments later and stripped down to only his own boxers, climbing into bed beside Maes.

As usual, Roy rolled to his side, and Maes spooned up behind him, draping an arm loosely over his torso. The older man bit his lip, holding himself back. Here was, finally close to his lover again, and he was too afraid to do anything. What did he want? Did he want anything? Softly he started to trace his index finger around the alchemist's chest.

"Maes, just sleep." Roy said with a mix of sleepiness and grumpiness. Maes groaned and stilled his hand, keeping it against Roy's chest. He closed his eyes and eventually fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	16. Ends and Beginnings

"So, what time are we supposed to be at the train station?" Maes sighed as he started to pack the few belongings that he had brought- mostly just clothing, into a small cardboard box.

"1100 hours."

There was a groan from underneath the covers. "And what time is it now?"

"0730."

Reluctantly, Roy threw the covers off his head and rolled out of bed. With Maes moving around in the room, it was obvious that he wasn't going to get any more sleep. He stood up, yawned and stretched his arms, then moved silently past his lover and into the bathroom. He almost missed the soft sigh that the older man released when he walked past without a kiss, or even just a light touch to show that he was near. Without a word, the alchemist went into the bathroom for a shower and the rest of the morning routine, locking the door behind him. Maes half halfheartedly threw the rest of junk in and walked dejectedly into the kitchen.

While making breakfast, Maes used the last of the eggs and bread for toast. The general had been nice enough to stock the house with some basics for the few days that they were going to inhabit the place, and Maes made a mental note to thank him the next time he saw General Grumman. Inadvertently, he timed it well- he was just finishing up with the breakfast when Roy padded into the kitchen. He was already wearing his dress blues, minus his jacket. Instead, he had the starched blue collared shirt that went underneath it on, and he carefully hung the jacket across one of the high backed chairs at the breakfast table.

"Thanks, Maes. This looks good." was all Roy said before he tucked in, ravenously eating his breakfast like it was going to be his last. The taller man just nodded and sat down in front of his own plate, poking at the eggs with a fork. He was hungry, but the events of the last couple of days, and the nervousness about where they were about to go made his stomach churn, and made him seriously wonder if he would be able to keep any food down. He gave a few bites of egg a try, nibbling gingerly, and they seemed to go down fine- so he slowly, carefully ate the rest of his meal.

Without a word, Roy rose from the table first and took both of their plates. He washed them and put them up, then went back to the table where Maes was still sitting- staring out into space, almost unblinking. He took a chair and scoot it next to Maes.

"Maes, look. I know you are scared. I am too. I don't know what is going to happen. And I don't want to... I don't want something to happen. I want to forgive you. Dammit, I still love you. But where do I stand? Where... does she stand?"

He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes for a moment. "I love you. I already told you that. I think about Gracia, and she is such a kind and wonderful person. She would be a great mother. I know it. I would be lying if I said that I didn't care for her. But.." he stopped for a moment to think about what to say. "But the thing is, the way I feel for her, and the way I feel for you, it's different. I am not even sure I understand it." All Hughes could do was shrug and give Roy a helpless look. Roy stood back up wordlessly and walked back towards the main room, where he had piled the stuff that he had been procrastinating about packing.

Maes sighed loudly and banged his forehead on the table. Again.

* * *

About 1000 hours, the taxi that Roy had called came by, honking it's horn to let them know that their ride was here. They knew it was a short ride to the station, but they wanted plenty of time to get there. It doesn't look good for a couple of new recruits to be late on their first day.

Roy stepped out of the door for a moment and met the driver coming up the walkway, telling him to wait just a few minutes, they are getting the last of their boxes together. He looked less than amused, but his meter was running, so he would get paid either way. He shrugged and walked back towards the still running car.

Maes quickly closed the distance between them once Roy shut the door behind him. "Please," he asked, with pleading desperation in his voice. "Please, may I have one last kiss before we go? I know I don't deserve it, but who knows what is going to happen once we get to Ishbal? I don't want to lose you and forget what I had. Please." His throat tightened, and the world slowed. For just a moment, Roy looked  
at him. REALLY looked at him, searching through himself.

"Okay." was all Roy answered. He took one step closer to Maes, close enough to smell his soap and aftershave, and for just a brief moment, Roy was pretty sure that for just those simple things that he had missed so much, he would forgive his lover for everything. Roy leaned in, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath, trying to save those smells for when they would be apart again.

He couldn't help but catch his breath once his lips met Maes'. Roy had almost forgotten how warm and wet and inviting they were, just slightly larger and fuller than the lips on most men, but still thin enough to be masculine and fit his face well. He could hear the soft groan that was emanating from the man across from him. His brain was yelling at him to touch his lover, caress him, feel him because he  
might not get to again. Roy raised his hand, shakily, the pad of one finger tracing a gentle line down the side of Maes' square chin and down to his neck, eliciting a shiver out of the taller man.

Another honk from the horn outside brought them crashing back to reality. Roy broke the kiss and pulled his hand away. Before Maes could say anything, he turned around and leaned down to grab his small pile of boxes. "We need to go, Maes."

Maes caught the sadness in his voice, and he wondered if Roy had really enjoyed it as much as he had. The hesitation in his voice seemed to indicate that, but by the time those thoughts ran through his head, Roy was most of the way out of the door with his belongings. "Wait for me, Roy!" He tried to calm his racing heart down while he picked up his slightly larger pile of boxes and headed towards the still  
open door.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was deathly silent in the taxi, from the house to the train station. Maes was more than glad that it was short. By the time they got there, he had run over the last few moments inside that house dozens of times in his head, all the looks that Roy gave him, what he said, how he looked, how he smelled, he burnt it into his brain so he could never forget what he may have already lost.

They quickly unpacked their boxes and Roy paid the man most of what he had left of his last meager paycheck, and Maes stayed by the boxes while Roy went to check in. He was rolling a cart when he came back, so they loaded their belongings and set off to find the military train. It ended up being pretty easy. Even though they were pretty early, there was still a large amount of young soldiers ambling around. After asking a couple people, they finally found someone who could point out where they needed to go.

"Major Roy Mustang and First Lieutenant Maes Hughes reporting for duty, sir." They both stood stock straight, giving a crisp salute to a hulking giant of a man with no hair on the top of his head and a huge dark brown mustache that seemed to defy gravity. He returned their salute and gave them a rather bored, impatient look, like he had better things to do than to talk to them.

"Colonel Basque Gran. I will be your commanding officer at least until we get to Ishbal. Then you will be assigned your units. I trust you have your affairs in order." Maes and Roy looked at each other with confused faces. Colonel Gran just smiled and turned, walking away. "Well, it's too late now, either way." He said, fading into a sea of blue jackets.

"Affairs in order?" Maes asked.

Roy just shrugged again. "Best not to know."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Roy Mustang! It is good to see you again!" Before he could get away, he was pulled into a massive bear hug by an even more hulking giant of a man than Basque Gran was.

"Armstrong. Likewise." Roy managed to squeeze out a soft reply with the last of his breath. Thankfully for him, Armstrong let him go, then gave him a salute, which they both returned. He turned to Maes. "Hughes, meet Major Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist. I met him while I was in the alchemy training camp." Before he even finished his sentence, Armstrong had his shirt off, flexing his muscles and getting the attention of most of the solider within sight of him. Roy tried his best to suppress his smile and rolled his eyes.

"Armstrong, this is First Lieutenant Maes Hughes, my friend and roommate from the academy." Maes waved and offered his hand. Roy smiled, but Maes didn't get a chance to ask him why before Armstrong took his hand in a very firm, almost bone crushing handshake, The younger alchemist had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at his friend.

"It is... good to meet you, Major Armstrong, sir." He did his best to hide the intense pain in his hand, to no avail. "I don't know how you put up with this guy." He smiled and pointed a finger back to Roy.

"Hey!" he yelled, indignant. Armstrong just smiled and clapped Hughes on the back.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The whistle sounded and the train lurched to a start, sending a few soldiers that were late and hadn't been able to find a seat tumbling to the ground, or into a fellow soldier's lap. One set of double benches facing each other held Roy and Maes and one side, and Armstrong and another alchemist named Marcoh across from them.

"I am in a car full of alchemist freaks." Maes pouted under his breath while the other three were discussing various alchemical techniques and the differences in the type of alchemy they do. He thought he had said it low enough, but the elbow to the ribs that Roy gave him told him otherwise. He grunted, stood up, and excused himself, walking towards the back of the car. Roy stood up a moment later, concerned about the look that had been on his friend's face.

"Pardon me." Roy said, scooting past the rest of the people on the bench and slowly working his way through the glut of soldiers that were ambling around the main car. It took him a while to catch up with Maes, just catching him as he stepped out and across to the next car, the last one on the train.

"Maes! hey, Maes!" He had to shout over the din of the train. He carefully jumped the small gap between the cars and closed the door behind him with a slam. He saw his friend go thru the last sliding door out to the small back porch that ended the train. He slid that door closed behind him as well and stood beside the taller man in the very small area that was the caboose's porch.

His look changed from concern to confusion when he saw Maes take a pack of cigarettes out of his pants pocket and shook it, using his mouth to pull one of the sticks out and upwards.

"Since when did you smoke?"

"Can I get a light?"

Roy sighed and slipped on the glove that was always in his pocket and snapped, easily bringing a small flame to life. Maes leaned in, enjoying for a moment the soft light that flickered off of his lover's face when the light of the flame hit his angular face. He sucked in hard and held it for a moment before letting it out the side of his mouth, then he stood up straight again.

"During training. There was this one private who was a smoker. We became friends, and he got me started during our frequent poker nights. It helped me... "he paused for a moment, "when I was really stressed." Roy nodded, not needing any more explanation about the source of the stress. "It was Sergeant Havoc, Sergeant Breda, and this new kid that was really green, a young prodigy at electronics.. I think his name was Fuery. I was telling them about the war, but most of them were just starting their training, so unless we are there a long time, they probably won't join us. I hope they don't. The were all so fresh and new to all of this, if it is as bad as I hear, they don't need to see that. Not yet at least."

The alchemist just nodded and turned up the collar of his greatcoat. Even though it was a warm day, the breeze coming off the back of the train gave him a chill.. or maybe it was just thinking about where they were going. Maes caught the slight movement and fished the pack back out of his pocket. "Care to join?" he asked. Roy thought about it for a moment, then shrugged and took one of the sticks, put it in  
his mouth, and snapped his fingers between the gloves he had never bothered to take off.

He took a deep breath and tried to imitate what Maes had done a moment ago, but he only managed to make his lungs feel like they were on fire. His breath caught and he choked out the smoke from his lungs. Only a quick movement from his hand to catch the cigarette before it fell out of his mouth and down to the tracks below.

"Damn, Roy. This is my last pack, and I doubt that I will get more where we are going." Maes sounded fairly annoyed.

"Sorry." Roy moped.

Maes sighed and shrugged, a bit guilty for making Roy feel bad. He could tell, better than most anyone- with the subtle changes in Roy's voice- how he was feeling. Even when they were just roommates, he saw that 'Mustang shield' drop when they were alone.

"It's okay, Roy. Smoking isn't for everyone. It seems a bit ironic that the Flame Alchemist doesn't like smoking, but such is life." He shrugged and smile, and took a long drag, getting it down almost to the end of the butt, then tossed it off the back of the train, watching it's fate parallel the cigarette that went before it.

They were silent for a moment. It was almost calming, the steady clickety-clack of the train as it sped them towards their uncertain future. If they hadn't been so scared of what lay ahead of them, it might have actually been pleasant, being able to spend a little quiet time together, even if they couldn't show their feelings towards one another.

Without a word, Roy stepped closer to Maes, who had his hands on the metal railing on the edge of the train. He gently put his hand on top of Maes', holding it there for just a few moments and giving him a gentle pat. When he pulled it away, he had a soft smile on his face.

"I'm gonna head back in, Maes. I will see you there."

"Okay Roy, be there in a moment."

Maes heard the door slide shut behind him, and he let out a deep, long breath. He was unsure as to what the future held, but at least for this brief moment in time, everything seemed to be alright. He couldn't hide the smile on his face as he walked back towards the occupied cars.


	17. Masks and Scars

By the time the train pulled into the station, there wasn't a single muscle in Maes' body that wasn't stiff and aching. When he stood, he arched his back and stretched his arms upwards, scraping his fingers against the ceiling of the car and feeling and listening to his bones crackling back into place.

"Ow, that even sounded painful." Roy smiled and clapped his friend's back, stretching a bit himself. While they lined up to exit the train, Maes took a look outside the window. It was sandy, devoid of any sort of plant or animal life. It was dry and empty and utterly hopeless looking. Maes' smile dropped, his mood souring almost immediately.

"You okay, Maes?" Roy, who was standing right behind his friend. He had noticed his shoulders slumped and heard the soft sigh.

"I... guess. It is just all hitting me now. We are here. There is nothing left to do but fight, and kill or be killed." They started to move forward a little, slowly but steadily, waiting as all the people in the rest of the cars filed out before them.

Roy shrugged, putting on his best stone mask of indifference for everyone else. "Well, we do what we need to do to survive, and then we get out. That is all we can do. We are here to do a job, and I am going to do it."

Maes had to shiver. He didn't like this new attitude that the alchemist was taking. They hadn't seen any fighting yet, but he was already taking a cold, detached indifference sort of approach, and it worried him more than a little.

The heat started to build the closer and closer they got to the door. They could hear the wind howling outside, and watched the sand swirl in whirling patterns of brown and yellow.

As soon as Maes got to the front door of the train, the first thing that hit him was the heat. It was a dry, oppressive heat that reached out and slapped you- held you and didn't let you go. You could feel it in the air, even though there was no humidity, the air was thick and dense- palpable.

He sucked in a breath and almost immediately started to choke, minute particles of sand filling his lungs. He face stung from the thousands of tiny stings of sand grains grating against his face. It was like rubbing sandpaper against the skin.

Maes did as best as he could to cover his eyes to keep from getting blinded by the sand storm. This was the only time in his life he was glad that he wore glasses. He felt for Roy and the rest who had fight the sand more directly. He stepped off the train and waited for Roy to follow.

"Yeah, I remember that, Maes. It was so hot, the second I stepped off the train, my shirt immediately stuck to my chest." Maes smiled softly, glad to see that Roy seemed to have some semblance of his former self back.

"I kept having to take my glasses off and walk around half blind, or risk being even worse off wearing glasses that were all scratched up from the blowing sand." He let out a light chuckle and raised the scotch to his lips, grimacing slightly. Even after learning how to drink the stuff while in Ishbal, he still didn't quite have a taste for it.

Roy sighed and put his glass down, the ice cubes inside tinkling softly against each other. "I don't know what I would have done without you there, Maes... All the things that I did, all the pain and suffering and death that I caused. I... couldn't go on."

Maes got up and walked over to Roy. He gave the still sitting man a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek. "I know, Roy. We both saw some awful things. Everyone just deals with it a little differently. Armstrong ran away. Kimbley.." Maes shuddered, "reveled in it. You wore your guilt on your sleeve. You still do. I just laugh and suppress it and try not to let my mind wander back to that awful hell-hole." He put his hand softly on Roy's shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. "We all do what we need to do to survive. You remember telling me that on the train?"

Roy nodded. "Yeah. That was when I was young and stupid, and I didn't know any better. I know now." He took a long draw off the quickly diminishing glass of scotch in his quivering hand.

Maes picked up the glass and put it on the table beside him. "I think you have had enough. Why don't you hit the sack? It has been a long day."

"Yes, mommy."

"Well, if you are good, maybe I will tuck you in and give you a goodnight kiss." Maes grinned and put his glass down beside the other one.

Roy sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "I guess I could use some sleep." he looked around the apartment, cluttered with books, the floor littered with sketches of various alchemical arrays. "I guess I can clean this up tomorrow."

The taller man nodded. "I will try to get off work early and come over. I am sure I can steal a little more time away from Gracia to help you out." He cringed, not missing the painful face that Roy made when he said that. "She worries about you, you know. She doesn't really understand everything we went thru in Ishbal, but she saw how we all changed after coming back."

"Maes?"

"Yeah, Roy?"

"Stay, just for a little bit. I know you have... her to go home to, but please. Just until I can get to sleep." Maes' eyes softened. He had never heard Roy so desperate and utterly vulnerable. He knew the masks that Roy wore. And he alone knew the Roy Mustang behind the facade. He could never say no to Roy Mustang.

"Okay. Come on, get out of those clothes. They are filthy." Roy got up and Maes followed a few steps behind when Roy walked to his bedroom. It was just as unkempt as the rest of the apartment, unwashed clothes laying on every surface, and empty and half empty glasses of some unknown, but probably alcoholic beverage sitting on various tables and chairs.

He watched as Roy slowly unbuttoned the dirty white shirt that he always wore under his dress blues. The scars of war were written like a history book across his bare back- the bullet wound that grazed his side, the stab wounds he had received from a child who was too young to know better than to try to fight, and all of the small abrasions and cuts and old bruises that never quite healed properly.

Unconsciously, he rubbed at his side. Through the fabric he could still feel the angry mound of flesh that marked his own wounds. Everyone has scars. Mental scars, physical scars, things they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

But some people are better at feeling their scars than others.

Roy sat down on the bed and pulled off his boots, then his long socks, adding them to the growing pile of clothes at the side of his bed. He paused for a moment to look up at Maes, who was still standing in the doorway of the bedroom. Roy looked like a child, waiting for a parent to tell them that it was okay to continue. He seemed scared, hesitant, something that Maes had seldom seen from him before.

"Please, Roy. It is okay. I know things have... changed between us, but it is alright."

The alchemist nodded and let out a soft breath and pulled his dress blue pants off, sitting on the edge of the bed with nothing more than his boxer shorts and his dog tags jingling lightly against each other with each slight movement that he made.

Maes gulped, his throat tightening. It had been so long, so terribly, terribly long since he had seen so much of the man that he still cared for. Everything had changed for them, and not for the better, it seemed. He had forgotten how much he missed the gentle curve of Roy's back, or the little freckle right above where the top of his boxers sat low on his thin hips. He shifted his weight back and forth from foot to foot and hoped to some deity above that Roy didn't notice his tightening pants.

If Roy noticed, he said nothing. He got into bed and slid under the cool, light sheets, then patted the empty spot next to him. Maes hesitated for a moment. He knew he  
shouldn't do it. He had a woman that he adored, and she adored him back. He should get into bed with her.

But it was Roy, and he couldn't say no. As much as he tried to deny it, he knew that he loved his man, deeply. He could never change that. He was a broken solider, a killer with the eyes of an angel. And he could never say no.

"Alright. For a few minutes." Maes took off the red jacket he was wearing, and kicked off his black loafer shoes, but kept his white shirt and black pants on when he climbed into bed next to Roy.

He wasn't surprised one bit when Roy pushed himself closer, spooning his body up against Maes. He felt cold and clammy, his skin was pale and his hair was messy and unkempt. This wasn't the solider that he knew... and loved. He let his breath out slowly, relaxing his muscles under his lover's touch.

Roy draped his arm over Maes' chest, using the flat of his hand to press the soft material against his skin. Maes groaned lightly. Even the slighted touch from Roy's hand made a shiver run up his spine. He fought the urge to unbutton his shirt and give Roy full access to his torso.

A gentle kiss against the side of his neck. Then another. Maes wanted to fight it, but his body wouldn't respond. His eyes thinned and he sighed, taking his glasses off and laying then on the table by the bed. Against his better judgment, he leaned his head forward, giving Roy more access to his sensitive flesh.

The response was immediate. Teeth bore down on his neck, nibbling and sucking at the skin, drawing it into his mouth and holding it taught. Maes whimpered loudly and pulled away, causing Roy to sit up straight, his face a mask of confusion.

"Roy.. please.. I... I cant go home with marks on my neck." He sighed loudly, hating that he had to stop him. She knew about Roy, but she wasn't sure where they stood now, and he didn't want to have to explain to her about what he did in a moment of weakness. There was no way he could lose them both.

To his surprise, instead of feeling guilty and moving away, or getting angry, Roy only stayed shocked for a second, then a gleam hit his eye. This was the young, spry Mustang that could get any girl at the academy, the smug, confident look that he had been missing for months now.

"I guess I will have to leave marks elsewhere, then."

Even more to his surprise, Maes found himself nodding his head and starting to unbutton his shirt quickly with his fumbling fingers. He quickly pulled it off and tossed it towards a chair, where it missed horribly and fluttered to the floor. The shirt had hardly hit the floor before Roy leaned over and opened his mouth, and took the closer of Maes' nipples in his mouth, suckling lightly.

"Mmmmmm.." Maes moaned out. His mind was yelling at him that this was all wrong, but the tightness in the pants that he still wore just proved that he wanted more. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, giving Roy better access to his chest. He felt the rough fingers of his lover caress his stomach and gently roam around his navel. He knew where Roy was heading, and he wanted to stop it as much as he never wanted it to end.

Roy got up into a kneeling position and straddled his legs over the prone Maes, his mouth moving up to dry lips and pressing close. The alchemist's hands gently wandered over the flat planes of his chest, while his tongue gained entrance into his mouth, muscle and flesh pressing close to muscle and flesh.

"We.... shouldn't..." Maes whispered, his voice hot and husky. It had no malice nor conviction to it, it was more of a plead than a command.

"If you tell me to stop.." he stopped to lay a kiss on Maes' neck, "I will stop." He moved his head down and kissed the cold area of his collarbone where his dog tags lay.

There was a pause, no more than a heartbeat, where time stood still for Roy.

"Please.. don't stop.."

Nothing more had to be said. They both knew it was wrong, but they didn't want to say any more or think any more about that. All they had was the here and now, and it was just them, and it was perfect.

Roy shifted his body until he was straddling Maes' legs instead of his chest. His hands went to the man's belt, fumbling, trying to unlatch it. Maes tried to help, and between them they finally got it undone. Anxiously Roy unbuttoned the pants and pushed them down below his knees. He smiled slightly, a mischievous smile that Maes had seen, and feared many timed before. The thin fabric of his boxers showed full well how much he enjoyed being close to him.

With expert hands, Roy pulled down the boxers as well, groaning softly at the sight that he beheld.. "Perfect.." he mumbled. He shifted downwards again so he could lean down and give some attention to the throbbing body part below him. Roy leaned down, giving the tip of Maes' length a light kiss, making the man shiver under him.

"Wait one moment." Roy said, and he got up off the bed. Maes watched him, utterly confused, head towards the bathroom and emerge a moment later with a shampoo bottle. "I am sorry, it is the best I have." Maes nodded and smiled.

Roy kneeled on top of Maes again and squirted a little of the shampoo in his hand, then softly started to stroke his lover's length. Maes shut his eyes tight bit his lip and gripped the sheets tight. "Oh.... God... Roy.."

The alchemist smiled. There was nothing better to him than to hear Maes say his name with lust and need and love. It was enough to drive him to the edge of sanity. He gave Maes a few extra strokes than he needed to actually get nice and lubed, then he took a little more shampoo and put it on his hand.

When Roy's hand was sufficiently lubricated, he reached behind himself and pressed a finger inside. He groaned and arched his back slightly. Maes reached up and rubbed a hand against his chest, encouraging him even more. He slipped a second finger in just a few moments after the first, his body shivering at his own touch.

"Please... Maes... Please fill me. I am so empty..."

Maes leaned up and gave him a long kiss on the lips. "Okay..." The smile on Roy's face was enough to melt the man's heart.

Roy moved his body, positioning himself until he was kneeling over his lover's cock, it was throbbing softly with each heartbeat, full and ready. Slowly, ever so slowly, he started to move downwards, using one hand to guide himself inside.

"Oh... Maes..." Roy gritted his teeth. It had been a very long time since he had been the recipient of another. He had forgotten the burn, but it was a pain that he longed for, pain and pleasure mixed in some perverse dance that made his heart race.

It was only a few brief moments before they were together fully, two bodies becoming one. They started into a rhythm, a dance that they had shared years before. They were like one soul, matching each others movements perfectly like it was something that they had practiced yesterday.

Maes closed his eyes tight and arched his back upwards, thrusting his hips into his lover, his hands gathered the sheets under him. His whole body stiffened. He wanted this to last forever, but it had been so long since he had felt himself together with the man he loved, it was like being a horny teenager again. He knew he wouldn't last long.

"Rrrf... Roy.. more, please.. I.. want you... " he gasped, his body starting to shake. The alchemist picked up the pace, gripping his lover's chest for balance.

"R-r-r-oy.. ROY!!!!" Maes yelled just a few moments later, pushing his hips up as hard as he could go, feeling pleasure wash through his body, leaving his head reeling and his eyes unfocused, with each heartbeat his essence flowed.

The alchemist felt his lover deep inside of him, felt the heat and fire, he couldn't hold himself back. "Maaaaaes!" He yelled out, feeling himself falling into the abyss of the ultimate pleasure.

It must had seemed like an eternity before they could see straight, or get their breaths back. Roy collapsed to Maes' side, trying to get his heartbeat back to normal. A fine sheen of sweat formed on his brow, and Maes kissed it gently, his face already souring.

"Roy, you know I can't stay. I am so, so sorry." He sat up in bed and gave Roy another long kiss on the lips, fighting the wetness gathering in the corners of his eyes. "I am sorry. Please tell me you will be alright."

He nodded his head slowly, his eyes closing just a little. "I.. will Maes. I... I love you."

Maes kissed him one more time, then stood up and started to get dressed again. "I love you too, Roy. You know that. But I have to get... back home." he sighed and put on his jacket, then headed to the door.

"Goodbye, Roy." he said over his shoulder, closing the door of the apartment behind him.

"Goodbye.... Maes."


	18. The Red Glow

Roy felt like he needed a shower after meeting with Grand, that psychopath Kimblee, and Marcoh. Out of all of them, the Crystal Alchemist was the hardest one to figure out. He seemed just as reluctant as Roy to go along with their commanding officer's orders.

As he walked to his little tent, His mind wandered back to that meeting, and his eyes slipped down to the ring that he now wore over his salamander array gloves. If he didn't fear what it did, he would almost have called it pretty- a gold band with a round set, blood red stone. But he knew better than that. He knew what he was going to have to do with the stone. He only had a few hours before his first mission, and then he would have a front row seat to the devastation that the Philosopher's Stone could cause.

"Hey, Flamey." Roy wasn't sure if he should be amused or pissed, so he settled on the middle ground, flat indifference.

"Maes, I told you not to call me that, dammit."

The taller man was stretched out on his low slung cot, his arms behind his head, trying to provide at least a little more padding that the flimsy pillow the military supplied. The ends of his long legs dangled off the other end, and Roy was suddenly glad that he was several inches shorter. At least he fit on the thing. He tried not to laugh at the comical figure that this man cut, then his mind wandered back to Armstrong, and he wondered if that gorilla of a man even bothered to use the cot, or if he just slept on the ground. It couldn't be that much less comfortable that those government issued beds.

Maes sat up, his boots kicking up a little bit of dirt and sand when they hit the ground. "We don't have long before we move out." His face was as serious as Roy's, which surprised the younger alchemist. "I don't know about you, but I want to at least try and relax and think about something else before we have to go out there." He stuck his thumb towards the flap of the tent, and the city beyond.

Roy nodded. With a grunt, he collapsed onto his cot on the opposite long wall of the tent from Maes. He closed his eyes and rolled over to his side. "Get me up when it is time." he mumbled, sleep already starting to claim him.

He had no sooner closed his eyes than he felt Maes shaking him awake. "Roy, get up, you lazy bastard!" He yawned sleepily and blinked a couple times, looking at his tent mate through half lidded eyes.

"How long as I asleep for?" he asked huskily.

"Three hours. We are gonna be in deep shit if we don't get out there, Roy!" Quickly Roy got up and ran a quick comb through his greasy hair. Showers were a rare luxury, even in the couple of days that he had been there he hadn't been able to get the dirt and sand out of every part of his body. He hadn't even bothered to get undressed when he laid down, and he really didn't care how wrinkled his uniform was. He stood up and stepped into his black boots, grabbed his sidearm and his pack, and followed Maes out of the tent.

They were just in time to fall into line with the last of the soldiers lining up in front of Colonel Basque Grand. He had been facing away from that part of the line, and both of them breathed a sigh of relief that they had snuck in unnoticed. No sooner had they made it to the line then Grand turned around, faced his soldiers, and addressed them.

"Okay, ladies. We have an easy job for you for your first time out. I want you to patrol the outside perimeter of the camp, make sure that there are no weak points in our defenses, and eliminate any enemies or enemy encampments that you find within 1000 yards of the outer perimeter. Do you ladies think you can handle that?"

"Yes, sir!" a chorus of voices went up in time with a crisp salute from each person in the company.

"I want half of the infantry men first." He swept his hand in front of a group of soldiers. "Mustang, you will be in the middle, as you are the sole alchemist. The rest of you will fall behind to cover the rear. Hughes, since you seem to think that you can sneak in here at the last minute, you are on point. Those glasses should be good for keeping the sand out of your eyes, so I expect you to keep sharp at all times."

"Yes, sir." Maes saluted, his posture falling a bit. Point was practically a death sentence if they ran into enemy fire. First in line will be the first one aimed at. Roy shot him a worried look, but all Maes could do was shrug. It wasn't like he could refuse the order. They would just have to hope that they found the enemy first.

"Fall out!" Grand ordered. The soldiers shouldered their packs, and formed the line with Maes at point and Mustang in the middle and headed towards the entrance of their encampment.

* * *

"This isn't too bad." Maes called cheerfully back towards the middle of the line, where a hot and miserable Roy Mustang trudged along. They were already more than halfway around the perimeter, and so far they hadn't seen anything.

"Keep your eyes open, Maes. That is a sure fire way to-" Roy's next words were cut short when he heard gunfire. There was no real cover to speak of, so everyone either flung themselves behind a rock or a piece of rubble, or flattened themselves against the ground.

After the moment of panic, Roy looked up to see Maes kneeling and grasping at his shoulder with one hand, his other hand still on his rifle. Even at a distance he could see blood seeping from between Maes' fingers.

"Maes!!" Roy yelled. He started to stand, but he felt a hand on his shoulder, pushing him roughly back down to the sandy ground.

"You idiot. Do you wanna get us all killed? Stay low!" Roy didn't know who the solider was, but he outranked that man. Roy opened his mouth to tell him, when another round of fire came in on their location. Roy desperately looked around, trying to see where the gunfire was coming from. He could see an abandoned building a few thousand yards from their position. It was the only place it could be coming from. Unfortunately, he knew that there was no way he could launch an attack with his flame from as far away as he was. He knew that he had to get closer.

"I have to go in. Are you gonna cover me or not?" Roy growled to the man who had pushed him down a moment ago.

"Yes, sir."

Roy used his arms and elbows to propel himself forward on his belly, like a snake. Almost right away, he was very glad that he didn't have a rifle, like the man behind him. The other solider was much more of a sitting duck, making a lot more noise shifting that gun while he moved, and it slowed his movements as well. Roy had to wait for him to catch up a couple of times.

It seemed like hours before he finally got to the front of the line, where the soldiers had already dug in as best they could and were returning fire towards the building. One of the soldiers had drug Maes behind a large chunk of concrete that used to be part of a wall.

"Maes, Maes, can you hear me, bud?" Roy stopped for a moment to take a look at his friend. He didn't look too bad, all things considered. the wound in his shoulder had stopped bleeding, and it didn't look deep. There was another shallow wound on the outer, fleshy part of his thigh that had just grazed him. But he was pale, and his eyes were glassy and unfocused. Somehow, through all that, his glasses had managed to get only a little scratched and bent.

"Rrrrf. I feel like crap, Roy." Maes groaned, opening his eyes wider for just a moment, before shutting them again.

He put a hand on Maes' other shoulder. "Just stay still a few minutes, Maes. We will get you back. I just.. need to take care of something first."

All the other soldiers stayed back from the alchemist after that. They saw that fire that was burning in those onyx eyes, the hatred boiling under the surface of his steely face. Roy started back towards the building again. He still was not quite close enough, but the closer he got to the building, the more cover there was, and he was able to advance faster than he had before.

It wasn't long before he had covered the whole distance, and was only a couple of hundred yards away from the building. He had felt the heat of bullets as they grazed past him. He knew he had been spotted, but he didn't care. He had to do a job, and Hell itself wasn't going to stop him.

Roy could see some of the people as they stuck their heads out just enough to take a shot at the pinned soldiers. This was the first time he had seen an Ishbalan, and their dark skin and red eyes both scared and fascinated him at the same time. They were humans, but they weren't the same.

That didn't make them any easier to kill.

He brought his hand up, index finger and thumb together, in a position that had become second nature to him. He waited for another head to come around. As soon as one did, he snapped.

The blast knocked him off his feet and sent rock shrapnel flying around his hiding place. He coughed, desperately trying to get a lungful of non-sandy air into his burning lungs. His eyes stung with the sand and dirt and rocks that limited his vision to almost nothing. Shakily, he got back to his feet, and after a few moments, the dust cleared enough for him to see what he had done.

There was no more building.

It was a flaming and smoldering pile of rubble and ash. Flames licked around pieces of concrete and metal bars. There were the faint sounds of moaning coming from inside the rubble, but those stopped after just a few moments.

Roy's hands shook. He looked at the ring on his finger. It seemed to glow for just a moment, or maybe it was a glint of sunlight- he wasn't sure- before it went back to it's dull red hue.

"What... did I do?" He looked around, dumbfounded. His world seemed to slow down, and he was vaguely aware of a dull, throbbing pain in his side. His whole world started to swirl, and he held onto the piece of wall he had been standing behind to steady himself. Roy heard voices, but they sounded like they were far away..

"Sir.. Sir.. Are you okay? Why don't you sit down for a second?"

"Okay.." he was vaguely aware of nodding and then somehow maneuvering himself into a sitting position before his head swam, and suddenly taking a nap seemed like a good idea.

"Sir? Sir?" was the last thing Roy heard before he succumbed to darkness.

"Mrrrr.... No... NO!!!" Roy called out in his sleep. "Ahhhh!" With a jerk, he sat up in bed. His face was covered in sweat and he was panting like he had just ran a marathon. His eyes were wide open, pupils dilated. He groaned and rubbed his face with the back of his hand.

He looked at the clock. It was just past 0200 hours. His gaze moved to the beside table. There was still a little whiskey left in the glass he had left there hours before, after Maes had left.

Roy rolled over to the other side of the bed. His face went into the empty pillow, and he breathed in hard. It still smelt like Maes, that aftershave he loved so much and the weird floral scented shampoo that he still used. Roy guessed that his girlfriend had picked it out for him.

"Dammit." he muttered. rolling back over to his side of the bed. He knew he would never get any sleep on that side. He pushed himself almost off the bed, as far over as he could go, until he was almost falling off the edge. He closed his eyes and hoped that the nightmare would leave him for the rest of the night.

The next thing Roy remembered was waking up back in camp. He tried to sit up, but a deep pain in his side stopped him, and he dropped back down to the cot. He looked around. The place reeked of death and blood and medicine. He knew he was in the medical tent. He looked down at himself and saw that his shirt was off and he had a bandage wrapped around his stomach. There was a little bit of blood seeping through the wrappings on his side.

"Hey, you are awake!" Roy didn't stop the smile from filling his face when he saw Maes standing next to him. His shirt was off as well, and he had a small bandage on his shoulder, and he could see from the thickness of one of his pants legs that he had a bandage around his thigh as well.

Maes looked at himself, then back at Roy. "They didn't get me too bad. Not enough to send me home, unfortunately. This will heal in a couple of days, and I should be fine. From what the doc told me, you are lucky. When that building exploded, there were chunks of rocks flying everywhere. Apparently you got a nice little pebble in your side, but nothing too bad. They got it all out, and you should be back on your feet soon. Sorry to tell you the good news, but you have to stick around here as well."

"Maes.. I... I exploded it all. Everyone in there.. just gone.. with a snap." The smile on Maes' face dulled, and he pulled up a stool and sat next to his friend.

"I know. I saw it. One snap, and it was over. I have seen your work, but it has never been that powerful before. I saw that you were wearing a ring, but I never asked you about it before. I am guessing that had something to do with it?"

Roy nodded and closed his eyes. As soon as he did, the moment replayed over in his head- the flash of light and heat. the sudden smell of explosion and death, the noise and dust and dirt and blood. He quickly opened his eyes again, his heartbeat raced and he started to sweat.

"I... can't close my eyes, Maes. I see it, I see them all.."

Maes put a hand on his shoulder. "I will get the doctor, Roy. I think you may be delirious." He stood up.

"No, Maes.. It isn't that.. I see faces.. I hear them screaming.. I can smell them as they burn.." He was vaguely aware of Maes standing over him with a doctor next to him. they seemed to say something, then Roy felt a small burning sensation in his arm, and nothing more.

Roy woke up again, sitting up straight in bed. sunlight was streaming in the room. He could see the sun peeking over the horizon through his window. He sighed and blinked a couple of times, then stood up and stretched.

"Another day." He grumbled while walking to the restroom to take care of his morning duties. He didn't even bother to shave, he just relieved himself and splashed some water on his face, then walked back out into the bedroom and threw a shirt on, not really caring if it was dirty.

He grabbed a mostly empty glass and refilled it with whiskey, then slumped in a chair, his head in his hand. His head ached, although he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol, or lack of sleep, or some combination of the two. He ran his hand through his unkempt, dirty hair and sighed, picking up the phone that sat on the table next to him.

"Hughes' residence." The voice on the other line was deep and thick with sleep. Roy regretted calling for just a moment, knowing he had woken his friend up.

"Maes."

"Oh, Roy. What is it?" The voice on the other side of the line brightened considerably.

"Maes. I need to talk. It happened again."

"Alright, buddy. I will try to be over as soon as I can. Just.. don't do anything rash, okay?"

"Okay."

"See you soon, bud."

"Goodbye."


	19. Admissions

"Does she... know about us?"

"Well, I have never come out and asked, but I have a feeling she suspects something. But she has never said anything about it to me. I am not sure if that is because she respects my privacy, or because she is too scared of the answer she would get."

"And what answer would she get?"

"Well, I am not going to lie to her, Roy. If she asked if you and I had been seeing each other as... more than friends, then I would have to say yes."

There was a short pause on the other side of the line.

"Do you think that she will ask?"

"I don't really know, Roy. She usually doesn't pry into my personal life besides our time together, so I suspect that unless something happens that really makes her worry about my relationship with her, that she won't. But I am just guessing."

Roy sighed and took another swig of his drink, adjusting the phone receiver from one ear to the other. He hadn't realized how long they had been talking until his neck had started to cramp up from holding the phone at an odd angle to the side of his ear.

"Look, why don't I come over for a bit. Gracia is at her sister's for the weekend, and there is something that I want to talk to you about."

"You can't tell me on the phone, Maes?"

"I would rather see you in person."

"It is really that important?"

"Yes, just trust me."

"Alright. Just.. hurry please. I miss you."

"I... miss you too, Roy."

As soon as Roy hung up the phone, his shaky hand reached for the bottle of whiskey that was beside him. Fumbling fingers almost knocked it over, but he managed to pick it up and refill his glass, getting the majority of it inside the container.

He took a swig, grimacing at the burning that coated his throat. It never felt any better, but eventually the numbness would take him.

Or at least, that is what he hoped.

Roy had a feeling, deep in the pit of his stomach, of what Maes wanted to tell him. He had been dreading it ever since they had gotten back from Ishbal- months ago. He took another swig and put the glass down, almost missing the end of the table.

His vision blurred, his head felt like it weighed about half what he knew it should.

"God.. please, Maes. Please don't let it be what I think it is.." He downed the rest of the drink and tried to refill it again, having less success.

____________________________________________________________

It wasn't too long before Roy heard the familiar knocking pattern of Maes Hughes. Somehow he had ended up in a chair, slumped- his eyes closed in half sleep. The knocking persisted, and somewhere in his clouded mind he knew he needed to get up and answer the door, but his body wouldn't cooperate.

He tried to stand, got about halfway up, then fell to his knees, the glass that he just noticed was still in his hand just a moment too late fell to the floor, cracking on the hard surface and rolling away from him, spilling ice and what little was left of his drink.

"I'm... com'n.." he slurred, not even sure that it was loud enough for someone on the other side of the door to hear. he tried to stand again, but fell back his hands and knees, so he crawled the few feet towards the door and unlocked it, then fell to a sitting position when Maes opened the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Roy? You are a mess!"

"M'ok."

"No, you are not. Let's get you to bed."

"Bu', Ya need ta tell me som'thn..."

"Not tonight. In the morning." Maes struggled, but managed to help pull Roy to his feet, where he steadied himself on a side table that was close to the door.

"No, now!" he yelled, much louder than he had intended to. He pulled his arm away from Maes' grip and tried to stand up

straight and failing miserably.

Maes shook his head sadly, closing his eyes. "No, Roy." he said firmly. Roy, thankfully, backed down, his eyes falling to the floor, his head drooping.

"M'tired."

"Yeah, I know. Come on. Let's get you into bed."

"Sleep w'me?"

Maes sighed again. "I will in a few minutes, Let's get you in bed and I will be there in a little bit."

"M'kay."

It was a bit of a struggle, but Maes eventually got him to bed. He didn't bother taking off his clothes, he just tossed the inebriated man into the bed and pulled the covers up to his head, and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.

"Mmmm.. luvya..."

"Night, Roy. I love you too." Maes gently ran a head through the alchemist's raven colored hair and went back into the main room, a frown on his face.

"If he is this bad when I just tell him I need to talk, how is he going to be when I break the news?" He let out a deep breath and took his glasses off, cleaning them with a towel and rubbing at his eyes. "What am I going to do?"

Fire and flame.

Destruction and death.

This was all that Roy Mustang saw when he closed his eyes, and that night was no different.

He saw the building collapse, he heard the screams of the children. Only after he had snapped his fingers did he realize that it had been a small one room schoolhouse that he had just destroyed.

A child came running out of the rubble, his ragged clothing on fire. His eyes were wide, his mouth open in a gut wrenching scream. Roy closed his eyes. He couldn't look, but he knew what he had to do. He couldn't bear to watch has he brought his fingers to bear- ready to snap, ready to end the child's pain, and life, once and for all.

Then, a gunshot. One single shot, from above and behind him. He didn't feel any pain. He opened his eyes, looked down at himself. The shot hadn't been intended for him.

The child was dead, a single shot to the forehead ended it quickly. Roy knew who had shot the boy, and silently he was glad that even after everyone he had killed in his initial firestorm, that was one less life he had to take himself.

Somewhere deep inside of him, he knew it was wrong to push the pain of death onto someone else, but at that moment, he didn't care. He had just killed so many, one less life taken wouldn't have damned him any less.

He looked behind him and up into the tower at the edge of their encampment, silently thanking the eyes of the hawk that watched over them all.

Roy woke up with a start from his nightmare, his head plastered in sweat, his breath short and gasping. To his surprise he felt the bed shift slightly beside him as he sat upright. He looked over to see his lover sharing a bed with him.

His mind swam. What had happened earlier that night? He tried to search his cloudy brain, the beginnings of a nasty hangover headache already lingering in the back of his head.

Then it came to him.

Maes had said that he had something to tell him.. then he had started drinking, and he had already been dead drunk by the time Maes had come over. His lover had put him to bed. But what was it that his friend had wanted to tell him? He had never said before helping him get into bed.

Roy looked out the window. It was still dark. He had no idea what time it was, but it must had been pretty early in the morning. Roy knew that he wasn't going to get any more sleep that night, so he carefully rolled over to the other side of the bed, trying as hard as he could not to make the mattress creak, and got up. Maes shifted a little but didn't wake up.

He took care of a couple of things in the bathroom, and popped a few pills to try to get rid of the headache that was throbbing behind his eyes. His head still swam a bit, and he had to help keep his balance by holding onto furniture while he maneuvered around, but he eventually got into his main room, where he looked at the clock. It was just past 4 in the morning.

He had no idea how late Maes had gone to bed, and as much as he wanted nothing more than to wake his lover up so he could be with him, he knew it wasn't fair.

So he would wait.

Roy headed towards the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. His stomach was churning- he wasn't feeling hungry at all. Even the water didn't settle his stomach in the least.

He looked back towards his bedroom, and the bathroom that laid inside. He figured that a cool shower would probably feel good, but he didn't want the noise to wake the man sleeping in his bed.

He sighed and took the glass of water to the main room and did the only thing that he could think of to pass the time. He opened up an alchemy book and started to read.

When Maes woke up and found that Roy wasn't beside him, he sighed softly and rolled over towards the empty side of the bed, patting it lightly. There was still a tiny amount of lingering warmth from where his body had been, and he could smell his lover's scent on the pillow. He yawned and stretched, and headed for the bathroom.

When he came out, he went towards the single light in the main room, smiling as he walked in. Roy was at his table, a book spread out, and his head laying down inside of it.

He was sleeping lightly, his eyelids fluttering just slightly. He was murmuring, but Maes couldn't tell what he was saying. He had to smile. It was so sweet. It didn't look like he had been asleep long, the way he was tossing and turning.

He walked over and gently rubbed Roy's shoulder, leaning down and gently whispering in his ear. "Wake up." Roy groaned and moved a little, opening his eyes, smiling slightly when Maes came into his blurry view. "Hey."

"Hey." Maes smiled back. "How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful."

"Yeah, you look wonderful." Maes rolled his eyes. "Well, I doubt you want breakfast, and I am not really hungry, so I wont bother trying to make us anything for-"

"Maes." Roy interrupted. "You were going to tell me something yesterday. What was it? Tell me."

"Maybe we should wait until a little later when you are feeling better, Roy."

The look that Roy gave him at that moment was one he had only seen a couple of times in all the years that he had known Roy. It was a dangerous game he was playing, and he knew that if he didn't tell Roy what he wanted to know, there would be dire consequences, despite their feelings for one another.

Maes just sighed and took off his glasses, taking a seat next to Roy and rubbing his eyes. For a few moments, he couldn't say anything. He just looked at Roy, sadness in his eyes. He had already broken Roy's heart once. The pain of that flashed back into his mind, ad he cringed. But he didn't have a choice. It wasn't like he couldn't tell Roy, or it would be so much worse.

He put his hand gently on top of Roy's and looked him in the eyes. "There is no good way to say it, so I will just come out with it.. " He took a deep breath, speaking on the exhale. "I am going to ask Gracia to marry me."

The silence was deafening. Roy knew deep inside that it was going to happen. He had knew the moment he hung up the phone the day before. He just kept trying to deny it, to tell himself that it wasn't real, that he was just being paranoid and imagining things, even though he himself didn't believe it.

But it was real.

He wasn't even sure if he was breathing, he felt like he wasn't even there, it was some alternate reality where everything was skewed just left of normal. His throat closed up and his lips felt like they would crack. He tried to open his mouth, but he couldn't even form words.

"Roy... Please.. say.. something..." Maes cringed, tensing his body for what he thought would be the inevitable punch. But nothing came. Roy just sat there, like a deer caught in a light. "Roy?"

There was still nothing. Time seemed to slow down. There was nothing else but the two of them, and the volumes of space that seemed to be unfolding between the two men. He was hardly breathing, he didn't even seem to blink. For a millisecond, Maes had to remind himself that the man in front of him was alive and not just some store mannequin.

Maes got up and stood beside Roy, putting his hand gently on the alchemist's shoulder. Roy just made a low noise, almost like a feral growl, and shook his hand off. Quickly, he moved his hand away from the alchemist, glad that wasn't even dressed yet. If he had had his gloves on, would he even still be here, Maes wondered.

He backed away a step when Roy stood up, bracing himself again. He still wasn't sure that he wasn't going to be punched, and he was pretty sure that he deserved it, if Roy had. But once again, it never came.

Maes hadn't even realized that he had tensed his entire body and closed his eyes tight. He felt the heat of Roy standing next to him. He caught a whiff of Roy's distinctive scent, musk and sandalwood and just a hint of smoke and ash.

As quickly as it was there, it was gone again, and he heard Roy moving away. Maes opened his eyes to see his lover walking towards the front door.

"Have a nice life, Maes Hughes." Roy said softly. He grabbed a couple of things from the table that sat beside the front entrance and softly got up and left- closing the door to his own apartment behind him, and leaving a stunned Hughes to wonder what had just happened.


	20. To Be a Family

It was a beautiful day in Central City. A few small, puffy clouds ambled lazily across the sky. That day was unusually warm, but the slight wind kept it very comfortable. It was about as close to a perfect day as the town had seen in a while.

But Maes didn't care about any of it. His mind wandered while he slowly walked towards Gracia's house. He had no idea what he was going to tell her, but he knew he had to go. He had planned to propose to her today when they met for lunch, after she got back into town. But all of a sudden, it didn't seem like such a good idea. He stared down at the sidewalk, focusing his eyes on his feet. He just didn't feel like looking at anyone at the moment.

When he finally got to her house, he stopped outside the front door. For a few minutes, all he did was stand, and stare at the house. He knew she was home. He saw the light on in her bedroom, even though it was daytime. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It was never going to get done by just standing here, he knew. he put his hand in his pocket and rubbed the edge of his thumb against something smooth and round. He sighed again and pulled his hand out, without the item. He walked up to the front door and knocked.

Gracia opened the door a few moments later. Her face brightened immediately when she saw that it was her boyfriend. "Maes!" she yelled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him fully on the lips. Her momentum made him have to take a step back, and balance against her weight. He managed a small smile, kissing her back. "Gracia. I am so glad to see you. You have no idea."

She let go of his neck, a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay, Maes?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah. It has just been a long day." He stepped past her and went into the house. She followed right behind. "I am sorry to ask this at the last minute. I know we were going to go out for lunch, but could we just stay here? I.. just want to be close to you for a while."

"Yes, sure. That is fine." She smiled softly and brushed a stay hair away from his face. Gracia gave him a little kiss on the end of his nose. "Just as long as you are going to be alright." She closed the door behind her and took Maes' hand leading him to a comfortably overstuffed chair. He slumped down, and she went into the kitchen to make them some drinks.

She came back a few minutes later with a couple of glasses of tea. She sat the tray down and served the drinks, then sat down next to Maes, softly putting her hand on top of his. "So, are you going to tell me why you have such a sad face?"

Maes sighed. He opened his mouth, and was actually going to tell her, but his stomach felt like it was in his feet. He just couldn't do it. He closed his eyes and his mouth. and looked down at the glass of tea, swirling it around in the glass and watching the liquid dance under his movements. "It is nothing. Please. Just don't worry about it now. Let's just enjoy being together." he managed a tiny smile. She smiled back and started to drink her tea, but he knew that she wouldn't let it go so easily.

A short time later, Gracia made sandwiches. and they munched mostly silently. Gracia couldn't keep her eyes off of Maes, but Maes mostly just looked down, glancing at whatever he could use as an excuse not to look at her. When they were done, he excused himself to lie down for a short time. As much as it was a decent excuse to not have to deal directly with her, the last few days between him and Roy had left him mentally and physically exhausted, and even the night he had spent with Roy had done little to quench his exhaustion.

His head had hardly hit the pillow before he was asleep.

"Hey Roy, You want one of these cookies?" Maes asked through a half filled mouth, spilling crumbs out of the sides of his lips. He shook the already half emptied box of cookies that Gracia had sent him towards the alchemist.

Roy shook his head and rolled over on his cot, facing away from his tent mate. Maes sighed, took one more bite, and put the box on his cot and got up. He walked over to Roy and put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on. Please talk to me."

To his relief, Roy rolled over. His eyes were dull and tired, and he hadn't bothered to try to wipe the dirt and dust and soot from his face or his wrinkled uniform. It looked like he had hardly slept since they had arrived almost a month ago. "What in the world is there to talk about? We are stuck here in this hell hole, killing people with the same face as ours, and you are happy because you have a sweet snack?"

Maes' face dulled. "Well, any little comfort of home that I can get here, I enjoy." He took his glasses off and laid them to the footlocker at the side of his cot, then sat down on the edge, next to Roy. He trailed a finger down the side of the alchemist's jacket sleeve. Roy was quiet, but he heard the soft exhale- his eyes thinned just a little.

His hand trailed down to Roy's wrist, over the back of his hand, and to the end of his still gloved index finger. Gently, he took Roy's glove off, and put it next to his glasses. He did the same to the other hand, bringing the alchemist's hand to his  
mouth. He licked gently on the tip of his calloused thumb. Roy groaned softly and closed his eyes for just a second, before opening them again and pulling his hand away.

"Maes.. we can't. You have a girlfriend. And people can walk in this tent any time." Maes hesitated for a second, but moved his hand back to Roy, playing with the golden buttons on the front of his uniform, tracing a finger around the edge of the sides. He didn't try to undo them, but he was sure that he wouldn't have been too upset if they had.

Roy knew that he should protest, but he couldn't. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out- just the softest of moans- barely comprehensible, fell past his slightly parted lips. Maes smiled and leaned in, kissing Roy lightly on the base of his neck, where his uniform ended and his skin began. He shivered lightly. The cool moisture from Maes' kisses felt wonderful in the stifling heat of the desert. But it was more than that.

It was Maes. Kissing him. He knew he should push him away, but he couldn't. He was afraid that someone would walk into their tent and find them. If they did, their military careers were over before they really started. That is, if they even survived.

But even with all of that, he didn't stop Maes. He leaned his head back giving the taller man better access to the sensitive skin on his neck. Maes didn't hesitate for one second before starting to nibble and lick on his goose bumping flesh. "Maes..." He whispered. He rolled a bit to the side, so the older man wouldn't have as odd of an angle to get to him.

The next time that Maes touched the buttons on Roy's jacket, he was unbuttoning them. The alchemist's breath shallowed, and his eyes thinned. He watched as the man opened his jacket and tugged it back and off. He went directly towards the buttons on his blue undershirt, working from the top down. Maes seemed to feels Roy's nervousness and sped his ministrations up, though he did stop after each button and kiss the area that the shirt now exposed.

Roy shook his shoulders and nudged the shirt off of his back, landing on top of his jacket behind him. Maes leaned in and licked at the tip of one of Roy's nipples, making him hiss in pleasure. He heard some ruckus going on in the camp from outside the tent, but he tried to ignore it and focus on the here and now.

Unfortunately, Maes had heard it as well, and he stopped. "What is that?" He asked.

"I don't know." Roy sighed. "Do we have to see what it is?"

"Yeah. Get your shirt on, just in case. I will go check."

Roy started to button up his blue undershirt while Maes stood up and walked out of the tent, just in time to see a solider come up and salute him. "Hughes."

"Maes." Why was he using his first name?

"Maes..."

"Maes, wake up, please. It is already late afternoon. I didn't want you to sleep too much before bedtime." He groaned and slowly opened his eyes. As they finally focused- as much as they would without his glasses- he saw Gracia sitting on the bed beside him, gently shaking him awake.

He yawned and stretched, and reached for his glasses on the nightstand. He blinked, getting his eyes adjusted to being able to see everything normally again, and leaned in and kissed Gracia as she was getting up from the bed. She smiled, blushed, and giggled at him, then got up and walked towards the kitchen, calling over her shoulder "I am going to start dinner soon. Come out when you are ready."

"Okay." He went to the bathroom, took care of business, and followed Gracia to the kitchen. He looked out the window. It was still light, but the sun was starting to dip low in the sky. He knew it would be dark in a couple of hours. He walked behind Gracia, who was starting to cut some vegetables. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned in to kiss the side of her neck, startling her.

"Maes Hughes, you better be careful when I have this knife, or else you are going be removing it from your hand!" She smiled, no malice held in her voice. He backed up and raised his hands, palms facing her.

"Okay, okay. I was just going to tell you that I have some.. business to attend to tomorrow morning. I have to leave early, but I should be home at my normal time."

"Alright dear." He caught the slighted bit of something- hesitation? Unassuredness? He wasn't sure what it was. Did she know where he was planning to go? He was pretty sure she had a guess. But she turned back to her vegetables and started to cut again, humming a soft tune under her breath.

He sat down at her kitchen table and just watched her with a soft grin on his face. There were no words to say how much he loved her. He loved to watch her do the most mundane things. She made them look effortless, like she always enjoyed what she was doing, no matter what it was.

A soft sigh escaped his lips. He imagined them a few years down the line. Maybe he would have a few gray hairs, and perhaps she would try to hide a couple of age lines that crept into the creases of her eyes with makeup. They would have a boy and a girl, and probably a dog to round out the family.

Family.

As much as he cared for- no- *loved* Roy, they could never be a family, in any sense of the word. They would never be accepted, and of course they could never have children.

And he did want children. He wanted a boy who he could teach throwing knives to when he was old enough, and a girl that he could watch while she and Gracia baked those pies that everyone loved.

He sighed softly and got up from the table and ambled slowly into the living room. Her living room was full of pictures. That was one of the things that had endeared her to him. They both loved being in front of and behind the camera. The main pictures were on the mantle- mostly pictures of her family and a few friends. She already had quite a few pictures of Maes, and there were a couple that he had taken of her.

What surprised him is the picture that she had off to the side. It was a copy of a photo that he had given her when he left for Ishbal- the picture that was taken the day he and Roy graduated from the Academy. Maes with a goofy smile, his arm around the shoulder of a steel faced Mustang. He had intended to give it to her for safe keeping until he returned from Ishbal, and he had forgotten to get it back. But it looked so at home there.

"Maybe she can keep it a little while." He smiled.

"Maes, get your hands washed, dear. It is almost ready." He heard her call from the kitchen. 'Where had the time gone?' He thought to himself. It seemed like he had just walked in a few moments ago, and here it was, dinner time.

He washed his hands and went back into the kitchen to help Gracia get the table set. The food was laid out, and they had a nice dinner, albeit a bit quiet. Gracia noticed that Maes seemed to be feeling a little better, and Maes was glad that Gracia hadn't asked about his previous mood.

When it was over, they washed the dishes and sat down in the living room with a cup of tea.

"Are you okay, dear? You seem a bit.. distracted. I hope that everything is okay with your friend."

Maes took a sip of his tea and put the glass down, hoping it would hide his slightly shaking hand. "Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about him. He has been a bit rough for a while. He has his good days and bad days." He smiled softly at her.

"But tonight it is you and I." He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "I am a bit tired. I think I am going to head to bed. Care to join me?" He smiled and winked, then drank the last bit of tea and stood up, heading towards the kitchen.

She followed, and washed their cups, then she headed into the bedroom first.

"Coming?" She called from down the hall.

"One second, dear."

Maes' hand wandered down to the ring that was still in his right pocket. He fingered the band, felt the gem set in the top, and the light etching on the inside of the ring with the pad of his finger.

He sighed and frowned for just a moment. "Not tonight, dear. But soon. Soon I will ask you to be my wife." He dropped the ring back to the bottom of the pocket and walked towards the bedroom, taking his jacket off while on the way.


	21. Sleepless Nights

He knew the route well- from his small apartment to the closest liquor store, which was just a couple of blocks away.

"Hey, Mr. Mustang!" The overweight, balding man behind the counter greeted him with a smile and a wave when he walked in, the bell over the door tinkled softly with his entrance.

Roy grunted a reply and went straight towards the aisle where the scotch was kept. He knew the route well- the alchemist probably could have done it in his sleep. With a practiced motion, he grabbed his usual bottle of single malt scotch and was already fishing out the money from his pocket as he approached the front counter.

The less conversation, the better- he thought.

"Nice day, isn't-" The shopkeeper didn't even get to finish his sentence before the bills hit the counter and the raven haired man had already turned towards the shop's only door to leave.

The smile faded from the proprietor's face. He shook his head and frowned. "Hmm. Never talkative, that one." He grabbed an already dirty rag and started back on the counter that he had been cleaning before.

Roy walked quickly out of the store and down the street, heading towards one of the smaller parks in Central the he knew was never very crowded. His quickened pace took him there in short time, and he soon located the bench that he had sat on and pondered over various things in his life many time in the past.

As usual, his normal seat was empty. He sat down on the cold stone bench, the coolness of the hard surface leaked through his clothes and into his skin. He shivered.

Eagerly, he opened the bottle and took a swig. It burnt going down, and he coughed, spilling a tiny bit down the side of his cheek. He groaned and took another swig, which already started hurt less.

Slowly, he watched the sun rise into the sky. He saw families come into the park and have lunch, or play with their dogs, then leave again. Young lovers found a secluded space under a tree to make out. Eventually they all left, and he was alone again.

The sun fell towards the western horizon, and the wind picked up, howling lightly through the trees. Roy shivered again, and finally stood up, his legs creaking in protest after staying in one position for so long.

He looked down at now mostly empty whiskey bottle, turned it over and watched the last few drops slowly leak from the bottom of the glass, splattering on the ground. He sighed softly and threw the bottle in a nearby trashcan, and started to head towards one of the bars that he used to frequent.

"Whiskey on the rocks." The alchemist grunted, taking a seat at one of the high seats at the bar. He put the sens for the drink on the counter, slapping on the surface with a dull thud. He swallowed it down eagerly as soon as it came, and ordered another- anxious to dull the ache of guilt that came with the waning edge of his initial drunkenness.

It only took a few moments for Roy to catch the eye of one of the many young ladies at the bar. He smiled politely and gave the tall, lanky blonde his 'Mustang smirk', but there was little conversation, and she wandered away fairly quickly when he didn't pay her the attention that she could get from someone else. He knew he should have cared. Any other time, he could have had her wrapped around his little finger.

But he just didn't care.

Evening progressed into night, and the night stretched further on. People started to hook up and leave together, or sober up and leave by themselves. But Roy kept drinking. He had no idea how many glasses he had finished. The bartender had been keeping them on the table next to him, but eventually he needed to clean and use them for other people's drinks, and he was left with just the half full glass of amber liquid in front of him.

"Hey, Roy. It's last call. Can you get home? I can call you a cab if you want."

"No." Roy grumbled, his eyes dropping towards the bar. He tried to reach for his glass, but missed, the tips of his fingers almost tipping it over. He propped his head up with a shaky hand to look at the man who was talking to him.

"You need to call someone?"

"No."

"What are you going to do?"

"Dunno." Roy slurred, tried to say something else, but his brain and mouth weren't working well together, so he stood up instead, slapping a hand on the bar to keep his wobbly body upright. He took a step and stumbled, propping himself up on the bar stool. After a moment, he was able to make the room stop spinning enough to stumble towards the door.

"I'll figure someth'n out.." he muttered to the bartender, making his way carefully through the maze of bar stools, using them for balance until he got to the front door.

The bartender shrugged and said "Suit yourself. Good luck," then went back to cleaning the mess on the bar in front of him.

The night was pleasant and cool. The breeze had lightened, but it was still enough to cause the flaps of his jackets to dance with the wind.

Roy didn't notice any of it.

He stumbled down the street, guiding himself from building to building, leaning on storefront windows and locked doors to keep his precarious balance. He had no idea where he was going. For a moment, he considered going to Maes' apartment, but he quickly nixed that. He knew the man wouldn't be there, and the alchemist had no clue as to where Gracia lived- he doubted he wanted to see her anyways. In his state, he was vaguely worried that he would do something that he would later regret.

A long sigh escaped his lips. He had nowhere to go. He didn't want to go home. His fuzzy mind tried to trudge through the haze of his inebriated brain to think about a place that he could go.

"Madame Foster." He muttered into the night air. He turned around and started to head towards the house of ill repute that he had been shown by some of his friends at the academy. It was a place that he had learned to become a man.

Maes was already awake when the sun started to rise in the sky. He had gotten very little sleep the night before, and he knew that his tossing and turning had kept Gracia up as well. Eventually he just moved to her couch, where he had spent most of the night going between fitful sleep filled with bad dreams and partially awake and exhausted.

He was actually a little glad when the light from the first rays of the sun started to shine through the large windows in the living room. It meant that even as tired as he was, he didn't have to try to pretend to sleep any more. He yawned and stretched.

A few minutes later, he had gone through his normal morning routine and gotten dressed. He wrote a note to Gracia, telling her he was going to do a little shopping. He fully intended to, but he knew there was somewhere else that he had to stop at first.

The last thing he was expecting when he got to Roy's apartment was for the door to be locked. It looked dark inside. He knocked a couple of times, but got no answer. "Roy, I know you are mad, but can you please open up? I.. am scared. I don't want you to hurt yourself." But he still got no answer.

Maes grunted and slid his back down the outside of the alchemist's door, crumpling into an uncomfortable sitting position on the ground. "I will give him a little while," he said to nobody in the hall. "Then I am going to try to break down that door. Maybe he just went out for a moment and I am worrying for nothing."

With a loud sigh, he sat up and arranged himself in a slightly less uncomfortable position on the floor, where he tried as hard as he could to not let his mind wander to all the ways that his lover could possibly try to kill himself.

Somehow, Maes had managed to fall into a light, troubled sleep by the time Roy stumbled back to his apartment. The alchemist seriously thought about leaving the man there and not even bothering to wake him up, except that he had fallen asleep close to the dead center of the door, which made it impossible for him to enter his own apartment.

He sighed and gently used the toe of his boot to poke at Maes. "Rrrr... huh.. wha?" He awoke with a start, his eyes going wide when he saw Roy looming over him. "Oh. Hey, Roy." He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"Move."

For a second, Maes looked confused. He followed Roy's eyes to the door behind him. "Oh, yeah. Sorry." He ungracefully scrambled to his feet and stood out of the way while Roy unlocked the door and entered his apartment. Maes took a step forward but stopped inside the door frame, not sure if he should enter.

"Come in." He heard Roy call from his bedroom. Maes sighed and walked in, flopping down on the well worn couch. Roy came out a few minutes later. He had splashed water on his face and took off his outer jacket. All he was wearing was a white sleeveless tank top and his dress blue pants. His face was clean, and his hair was slicked back, but he still reeked of alcohol and sex and smoke.

Maes watched, transfixed, while he walked back into the room. Even at his worst- unclean, unshaven, dirty and tired and hung over, Maes still couldn't get over how sexy the man was. His dog tags tinkled lightly with each step he took. Maes watched them dance under his thin top as he approached.

Roy looked at Maes, then looked down, following his gaze. He pulled out the dog tags, and the ring that dangled on its silver chain right underneath them. The tiniest of smiles flitted onto Roy's face for just a moment, a couple of heartbeats, then it was gone- his stone facade back in place.

"Do you... remember when I gave that to you?" Maes asked softly, tentatively.

Roy sighed. He looked over at a bottle of scotch that was on the table, shivered, and collapsed in an old, dilapidated green chair that let up a puff of dust when he sat in it. "Yeah." He replied after a moment. "It was the day before we left for Ishbal. And you had just told me.. about her."

Maes could hear the bitterness and the resentment in the last word, but he said nothing. He watched as the alchemist slowly traced over the still tarnished silver surface. It looked more like dark pewter than silver, with dirt in all the small crevices of the intricate design.

"You said it was your grandfathers." He continued. "And it had some strange words on the inside. You knew what they meant but not what language it was." He paused for a moment and looked at the three words on the inside. 'Love Conquers All'.

"I did a little research. It an ancient language that is somewhat related to a very old and no longer used version of the Drachman language. It was used about the same time as that ancient religion was at its height. You know, the one that is now only a footnote in classroom textbooks, the one that had only one God."

The older man nodded. "Yeah. I remember that. There are a few places where the ruins of their churches still stand. I think I heard that there was one in this little town called Liore, to the east. That is what a friend of mine from around there once told me."

Roy nodded and let go of the ring. It gently rung against the dog tags, making a soft, sweet tone before settling back into place. "I thought about giving this back to you." He said, his deep black eyes staring into the distance.

"No matter what happens, it is yours. I don't care if you never forgive me, or if you never want to see me again. After all I have done, I would understand. All I ask is that you keep it. Don't melt it or throw it away, just keep it, and when you find someone else who is very special to you, you can give it to them."

He nodded. "Okay."

All Maes wanted to do was to walk over to Roy and hold him tight and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But he wasn't sure that it was. He still had no clue as to what was going to happen. He wanted to spend the rest of his life as Gracia's husband, but he still loved Roy, with all of his heart. It wasn't fair to Roy, and it certainly wasn't fair to him, but it was the bed he made, and he was laying in it.

Maes looked at his watch and sighed. "I have to do some grocery shopping and get back to.. " he paused for a moment, almost not wanting to finish his sentence. "Gracia." He finally continued. "I am really sorry. But I am worried about you. I don't want you to do anything rash.."

Roy bit back the first comment that came to his mind, and just shook his head, a slight smirk coming to his face. "Don't worry. I am fine. You know I am too much of a coward to do anything, even if I wanted to."

"Do you.. want to, Roy?"

"No. A broken heart isn't worth it." He got up and walked back towards his bedroom. "I am going to take a shower. Go back to her, Maes. There's no need to stay here." He didn't wait for a response, he walked to his bedroom door and closed it with a loud 'thud'.

Maes sighed and got up out of the chair. "Nope, no need to stay, indeed." He shook his head and walked out, closing and locking the apartment door behind him.


	22. Vacation

"Mustang, in my office, NOW!"

Roy quickly stood up from his desk, almost knocking the chair behind him to the ground. "Yes sir." Roy saluted and quickly followed behind General Hakuro into his office. The general took a seat and waved his hand, indicating the alchemist to do the same. He did- sitting upright and stiff, nervously tapping his foot on the ground.

Hakuro stood up again, pacing back and forth behind his desk. "Mustang, I know it has been tough since you came back from Ishbal. You are not the only one who has had a rough time." He put his hands behind his back and looked directly at his subordinate officer.

"Your work has been getting steadily worse and worse since you returned. You have taken procrastination to a new level. You don't do you work unless you have someone watching over your shoulder to make sure you stay on task. Don't think that your fellow soldiers haven't noticed that you hardly seem to eat or sleep."

Roy stood up, annoyed. "With all due respect, sir." He put special emphasis on the last word. "I don't think that my personal life has any bearing in what I do at- "

"Yes, it does!" General Hakuro snapped back, anger rising in his voice. "If you don't take care of yourself at home, then you won't at work, either." He stopped and took a deep breath, calming down.

"Lt. Colonel Mustang, either you are going to take a short vacation from work, or I will force you to. Whatever you need to do, get your head out of the clouds. You have two weeks, starting today. And I expect that the end of that time that you will be back to your normal self. You are dismissed. Don't bother going back to your desk. I will inform your co-workers." He saluted.

Roy saluted back, unable to keep the jumble of emotions off of his face. As he left the room, he thought about disobeying the general's orders and telling Maes, but he thought better of it and headed out of the building, wandering aimlessly down the road.

After wandering the streets for a while, trying to figure out where he could go to get away from Central, he eventually wandered back to his small apartment. for the next three days, never left his apartment, doing little more than attempting to sleep, reading the alchemical texts that crowded his bookshelves, and drinking- usually to help him try to get to sleep.

By the fourth day, Maes came over, worried that Roy had done something stupid. "Roy, I know you are mad at me, but please open the door!" He pounded hard on the front door, and cursing. "Dammit. Of all the days to finally decide to lock your door." He banged harder on the door. "Roy!"

The door finally opened, and Roy came out, looking just as disheveled as he when he had been put on leave 5 days before. "Maes." He said, rather coldly.

"Where the hell have you been? I have been worried sick! I had heard that you took some sick leave, and I was just scared that you would do something dumb with all that extra time to just think."

"Don't worry. I'm too much of a coward for that, I think that is already known." Roy turned around and walked back into his apartment, sinking down into the well worn chair. "I'm taking two weeks off. I'm supposed to come back a better man, not this sad, broken, pathetic thing that I am now, but I am not sure that is going to happen. Besides, I have nowhere to go."

"Oh." Maes replied, closing the door behind him and walking back into the room  
behind Roy. He flopped onto the couch, deep in thought.

"Just go home to Gracia." Roy waved his hand in a dismissive manner at the man on the couch. "You already asked her to marry you, didn't you?"

Maes shook his head. "No, not yet. I wanted to ask when the time was right, and that night, after I left, it just didn't seem like the correct time. It wasn't how I wanted it to be."

Roy looked at his friend with a mix of confusion and surprise. "It wasn't?"

"No. I want to set things right between us. I know that things are going to change, but I don't want this rift to grow between us. You know I still care for you. I always will, and I don't want to go into this marriage with all of this still simmering with you and I." He sat for a moment, lost in his thoughts before his face lit up.

"Ah, I know where you can go to get away." he said with a smile on his face. "Gracia's family has a house by a lake, and it isn't too far outside of Central City. I am sure they will let us use it."

"Us?"

"Well, I have some time that I can take off. I want to go with you, to help you. I don't want to see you like this, Roy. I know some of it.. " he paused for a moment, "Okay, a lot of it is my fault, and it isn't fair to you. I don't want to lose you as a friend, as my best friend." He stood up and walked over to the chair, softly putting his hand on the alchemist's shoulder.

"No. I need to do this on my own." Roy replied in a low voice.

Maes smiled and patted him on the shoulder gently. "I figured you'd say that. You never make things easy. I'm going to make a couple of phone calls. Just think about it, okay?" He pushed his glasses up on the brim of his nose and walked to the door. "I'll call you later. See you, Roy!"

* * *

"How in the hell did I let you talk me into this?! Didn't I already say no to you a few days ago?"

"Yeah, but I am a persistent bastard! You should know that by now!" Maes flashed a big smile over to the man in the passenger's seat. "Trust me, this will be good for you!"

Roy crossed his arms in a pouting gesture. "I doubt it."

__________________________________________________________________

It was late evening before they finally made it to the lake house. It was hard to see much in the fading twilight, but as they drove up to the house, it looked like a single story brick building with a thatched roof and a few smaller buildings scattered around the grounds as they drove up the rough gravel path from the road to the main house.

They took their bags in and got settled, picking out one of the larger bedrooms for each of them. Maes went to take a shower, and Roy took the opportunity to take a walk around the grounds.

He wasn't really sure where he was going, or even where there was to go. It was too dark to pick out any landmarks, so he just headed in a generally downhill direction, figuring that would eventually get him to the lake.

After a short time, he heard the steady flow of water and followed the small, rippling stream until it met up with the lake. The moonlight shimmered off the mirror flat surface of that water. The night was still and quiet- beautiful.

Someone had thought to put a bench down by the water, and he took a seat, soaking in all of the sights and sounds that were around him. It had been a long time since he had gotten out of the city and back into nature, a place that he had loved as a kid when he lived in a small town in the East that had nature in abundance.

"It's... perfect here." he whispered softly, almost afraid to speak too loudly, for fear of scaring whatever wildlife may be around away and spoiling the beauty of the moment. He sat in silence for a while, watching tiny insects cause ripples on the water, small circles that expanded and spread- met each other and crashed together.

He didn't try to stop the tears that welled up in the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision and causing a lump to form in his throat. This was so different than everything that he knew. It wasn't hot and oppressive and bleak like Ishbal, and it wasn't smoggy and crowded and industrial like Central. It was everything that they were not.

"I, I don't want to leave." He whispered into the darkness.

"I wouldn't want to leave either." Roy yelped in surprise and turned around to see Maes standing behind him. He was wearing his civilian clothes now, a rusty red colored button up shirt and a pair of black slacks. His hands were casually shoved into his pockets, and he had a small smirk on his face.

Roy quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand and sniffled softly, although he was sure that the man who was hoping to become the head of Investigations one day knew what had been going on. But to his credit, he didn't say anything. He just gently scooted Roy to the side and sat down on the bench with a low sigh.

"Ah. Maes." Roy replied to his friend showing up. "It really is nice down here." He paused, his glassy eyes focusing in on the water again. "Thanks for bringing me out."

"No problem. Any excuse that I can make to come out here is good enough for me. She had only brought me out here a couple of times, but no matter how I am feeling when I arrive, by the time I leave, everything is okay. I feel happy, refreshed, like for at least a short time, all my problems are gone."

"I can see why." Roy was going to say more, but his breath caught for a moment and his thought left him as Maes laid his arms out on the back of the bench, dropping one hand over the alchemist's shoulder. Roy's face looked troubled for a moment, and Maes quickly sat upright and pulled his hands back to himself.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- "

"No.. no. It's okay. I don't mind. It just.. surprised me." Roy gave him a soft smile- a smile that he would never show to anyone else under the stone mask that he usually wore on his face. Maes knew this, he saw the vulnerability in that little smile.

Maes smiled back and stretched out again, laying his arm more fully on Roy's  
shoulder this time and looked out onto the water. In the distance, ducks were lazily ambling across the lake, in no hurry to go anywhere.

He couldn't help but feel jealous of that at least a little. Maes relaxed a little more, and unintentionally his arm dropped, brushing lightly against Roy's hand. Roy gave him a perplexed look and raised an eyebrow, but made no move to separate their hands.

Moments of silence passed between them the two. For the first time in a very long time, it was a comfortable, easy silence. Nothing needed to be said. Maes gave Roy's hand a little squeeze, and Roy smiled back at him. He leaned in, the alchemist resting his head on the man's broad shoulder, which elicited a small chuckle from Maes.

"What?" Roy asked, smiling.

Maes paused for a moment, then leaned his head on top of the alchemist's. "Nothing, really. I was just thinking about how perfect this is."

Roy smiled, but didn't respond. He closed his eyes. His breathing slowed. His whole body relaxed. The older man turned to the alchemist, whose eyes were glassily focused on some point way out on the water, and kissed him softly on the cheek. Roy came back to himself, and looked over at Maes, his face giving away little of how he felt. Maes was trying to test the waters, and he just couldn't figure out how Roy felt about all of this.

"Roy, a sens for your thoughts?" Maes rubbed his hand up and down his forearm a couple of times.

"Sorry. I don't know. This is really nice, and I want to try to enjoy this, but I know that this is only temporary. As soon as we go back, it will be back to just being friends, and you will go back to… her." He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair.

"Maybe, but why don't we just enjoy the time that we have now? Don't worry about the future. It will take care of itself. Just be here, with me, instead of having your mind wander across the pond."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Roy smiled and for the first time, showed some affection, giving Maes' hand a long squeeze. Maes leaned over to give him a kiss again, and Roy turned his direction and leaned in, their lips meeting briefly before Roy broke it and suddenly stood up.

"I… I am going to head to bed. I am tired." Without another word, he walked back up the path he came, turning the corner and almost immediately falling out of Maes' vision.

He sighed and pushed his glasses up to the top of his nose. "Roy, why won't you let me in? I know you are hurting. I just want to help." He stayed for a while, sitting on the bench and starting at the ever growing ripples of the pond as the creatures of the night came to life, until the wind started to howl and it was too cold to stick around.

He stood up and stretched, and slowly headed back towards the main house, his mind no clearer than it had been several hours ago.


	23. All Good Things

The week slowly ambled on at the lake house. Maes could tell that Roy seemed to relax a little more each day, and he wished that the alchemist would get to stay longer, but the vacation was quickly coming to a close.

Maes had never confronted Roy on why he left that first night, when they were sitting down by the lake. He could only imagine the conflicting emotions that must have been running through the man's head. Maes wanted nothing more than to hold him and kiss him and tell him that it would be alright. But he knew that wasn't true. Not anymore.

It was his fault that Roy seemed to be an emotional wreck, and for once in his life Maes Hughes felt completely and utterly helpless to do anything.

On the last night before they were to leave, Roy wandered back down to the lake. Maes followed a couple of steps behind him, keeping a respectful distance. Nothing was said between the two men- the only sounds coming from the birds in the trees, calling to their mates, or warding off other birds.

They sat down on the bench like they had before, with Maes' arm draped around Roy's neck. Roy scooted close and rested his hand on the older man's outer thigh. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that this was the coldest night since they had arrived, or if Roy really wanted to be close. Either way, he was definitely enjoying the feeling of his friend's body pressed against him.

As much as Maes wanted to, it took him quite a while to get the nerve to hold Roy's hand. He gave it a light squeeze and grinned at the man, who smiled back- and surprised Maes by leaning in and initiating a kiss. He held it for a long time, pressing his lips hard against Maes', clean shaven meeting scruffy.

When they finally broke, neither of them said anything for a just a moment, then their lips met again, this time more urgent, more desperate. Roy's hand rubbed up and down Maes' thigh, moving closer to his inner thigh with each long, languishing stroke.

Roy pushed his hands against Roy's chest, feeling his body tense under the thin black buttoned shirt. His fingers ran over the first button, feeling the smooth surface under the pad of his thumb. Then the first button was undone in one swift movement. Maes broke the kiss long enough to smile, then pressed back in, just as needy as before.

The second button went in the same fashion as did the rest, in short work. He could feel the alchemist's breath become short and ragged. He broke the kiss for a moment to look at Roy, smiling warmly. He could see the hesitation in those onyx eyes, but he never made any motions to try to stop what was happening.

The older man pulled Roy's shirt off and put it on the bench beside them, making him shiver in the cold. Maes had been so lost in the moment that he hadn't even seem how far the moon had risen into the sky, or how much colder it had become in the time they had spent out by the lake.

"Why don't we head back?" Maes whispered into Roy's ear, giving the bottom of his lobe a soft nibble. Roy could only nod. He grabbed his shirt, and Maes' hand, and stood up, tugging the bespectacled man up the hill towards the house.

They walked as fast as they could to the house, up the front steps, and back into the bedroom that Roy had chosen to sleep in. As soon as the door closed, they were pressed against one another again, this time Roy was pulling Maes' shirt off and fumbling like a clumsy teenager at his belt. He was eventually able to get both the offending garment and the belt removed. Maes pressed himself up against Roy, pressing his back into the wall and grinding his hips against the alchemist both of their aroujsals very apparent.

Flesh on flesh they pressed close, Roy took the advantage and turned Maes around, pressing him against the wall, pinning the taller man's wrists to the wallpaper with his strong hands.

"Bed?" Maes suggested, and Roy nodded, unpinning the man's wrists and pushing him towards the crumpled sheets. He pulled down his belt less pants- they were hardly staying put on his thin hips anyhow, and followed Roy to the bed, clad only in a pair of boxers.

"You are overdressed." Maes almost purred, smiling at the man who still had his pants on. Roy smiled back, a mischievous smile, and disrobed his pants and boxers, then lay down on the bed, giving Maes a kiss as he crawled past him.

"Now who is overdressed?" He whispered, licking the back of the man's neck. Maes shivered at the cool air on the back of his neck when Roy breathed right where he had licked a moment ago.

He didn't waste a second, quickly pulling off the last of his clothing and throwing them to the floor. He crawled over to where Roy was and pressed down on top of him, rubbing his hand down the alchemist's sides and laying small kissed and nibbles on the man's neck. He leaned up to Roy's ear and whispered, "I want you."

"I know." Roy replied with a smile. In a quick movement, he rolled over and pinned Maes underneath himself, kneeling over the man so that their hips met and pushed close against each other. Roy could feel the heat from the friction as he rubbed himself against his rock hard lover. He could hear the agonizing groans of pleasure emanating from the man's lips- desperate for more.

It was Roy's turn to lean in and whisper in Maes' ear. "You want me?" Maes whimpered softly and nodded. "Do you *really* want me?" He cooed. His nodding got more fervent. Roy leaned in until his mouth was practically inside of the man's ear and barely audibly said "Show me."

Maes took off his glasses and laid them on the bedside table, then pressed upwards, his erection pressing hard against the alchemist's inner thigh. He smiled at Roy, who tried to hide his pleasure, but did a poor job- his breath caught and his hissed softly. Maes arched his back, pushing up harder, while his hand roamed his lover's chest, brushing softly over a nipple and then down over his belly to the fine patch of curly black hair.

Roy's eyes closed, and he balled up his fists hard, his fingernails biting into the skin of his palm. He bit his lip, trying not to show how little it really took for his lover to get the alchemist aroused, but he was already fully erect, a tiny droplet of clear liquid on the end.

"I need to be inside of you…" Roy groaned, finally not trying any more to hide the pleasure that was written all over his face. "Please, just this once. I need this…"

Maes smiled. There was no way that he could deny his lover, even if he hadn't pleaded. He leaned up and kissed the man on the lips. "Of course." Roy moved off of Maes so he could roll over onto his stomach. He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom, where he grabbed his shampoo and squirted some in his hands, then walked back in.

"Our old standby." He grinned, remembering times in the past when they had used the same shampoo when they had nothing else.

Maes nodded and smiled back. "Works well in a pinch!" Roy didn't wait to get back on the bed before slathering the length of his cock with the shampoo, lubing it up as well as he could. He held onto the last little bit of the lubricant, crawling back into the bed, he kneeled over his lover once again and lubed up a couple of his fingers.

"Relax, please. I don't want to hurt you." Roy said softly. 'It would be fair.' Maes thought to himself. 'I have already hurt you so much. I would take all your pain willingly if you'd give it to me.'

One finger slipped slowly inside, Maes tensed for a moment, and then willed his muscles to relax, knowing that it would make it easier. He groaned softly as the man moved his finger in and out, lubing his insides and stretching the inner muscles for what was to come. He groaned when Roy hit that sensitive bundle of nerves, and he could just tell that Roy was smiling, even if he couldn't see the man while he was on his stomach.

A second finger entered, and the older man grunted, He hadn't been stretched for a long time, and it was painful while his body got used to the feeling of something entering him from behind. But Maes knew that it would feel worse before it felt much, much better.

The fingers slid out of his now well lubricated rear, and Roy leaned down, kissing him on the back of his neck. "Are you ready?" He whispered.

"Yes." Came the reply.

"Okay." Roy reached underneath his body and gave Maes' length a quick stroke with his still shampoo-laden hands, and used his other hand to guide himself to the entrance- then, with a low grunt, he pressed inside.

"Rrrrff..." Maes growled and bit his lip, intense pain shooting up his spine, like he was being torn apart from the inside. Roy halted for a moment, only a couple of inches inside, but Maes looked back and smiled. "Please, Roy. Please do it." He begged.

With one long push, Roy bottomed out inside of his lover, and held himself there. One of his hands rested on the man's hips, the other was underneath him, slowly stroking up and down his cock, using two fingers to gently massage the underside of his glans.

"Oh… "Maes pleaded. "Please, please take me." Roy didn't need to hear any more. He started into a rhythm, pulling out and pushing fully back in, slowly at first. Every time he brushed past those nerves, Maes would moan and arch his back, and his other hand would feel Maes' cock tense for just a brief moment before relaxing again.

Every instinct in Roy's body was to go faster and harder, to ravish this man, but he held back, slowly increasing the speed and severity of his thrusting, which took almost every ounce of willpower that he had in his body.

"M-m-ore... p-p-lease." Maes begged, and Roy gave it to him- harder and faster he went, a sheen of sweat forming on his brow, his breath short and ragged. He was close, so close, he could feel it building up inside of him, like a volcano ready to blow. But he tried to hold off. His hand stroked Maes faster now, gripping him hard and running the inside of his palm against the whole length of the man's cock.

He felt Maes tense up. He shut his eyes and his body started to shiver, he started to buck against Roy's thrusts. Just a little more. He knew his lover was teetering on the edge of the abyss.

With one hard thrust, Roy threw his head back. "Mrrrrrff!" He pushed as hard as he could, his whole body shuddering before he spilled his seed deep into his lover. Through the haze of his orgasm, he tried to will his mind to keep stroking Maes, and he was rewarded a few moments later when he felt the man shiver, and his own hot liquid ran over the alchemist's hand as he continued to move up and down.

When the pleasure finally faded, and Roy pulled himself out and collapsed beside Maes, neither of them could speak for a time, while they attempted to find their collective breaths. When Roy finally could say something, he leaned over and gave Maes a little kiss and whispered, "I love you." Into his ear.

But Maes was already well on his way to falling asleep.

____________________________________________________

The next morning, they packed as slowly as they could, neither of them wanting this wonderful vacation to end. But they had brought very little along, and inevitably, they completed their grim task.

As Roy put the last small box of food in the back of the car and closed the door, he watched Maes walk out of the front door and lock it, then walk over to him and give him a little kiss on the cheek. He smiled slightly at the little limp that Maes had from the previous night's transgressions.

"So, things are going back to normal now, I guess." Roy said, with more than a little sadness in his voice.

Maes nodded grimly and walked over towards the passenger side of the car, opening the door but he didn't step in right away. "Yeah, I guess so. I guess it doesn't help to tell you that I am sorry, and I hate that it is like this."

Roy shrugged and didn't respond. "You need to ask her to marry you, Maes. She isn't going to wait forever, and I will be damned if I am going to carry the guilt of you losing the girl you love, even if it does mean possibly getting you back. It… isn't worth it."

Maes closed the door again and came back over to Roy, giving him a long hug and a kiss on the lips. "I know. I was hoping that I would get the blessing of the best man." He gave Roy a little clap on the back, and got into the car this time, shifting uncomfortably on the seat and complaining. "This is gonna be a long drive back with a sore ass."

Roy chuckled and hopped into the driver's side, closed his door and revved the engine. "Yeah, but you gotta love the company, right?"

"When it is that person's fault?"

Roy tried to pout, but Maes wasn't buying it.

"Come on, let's go home."


	24. Ends and Beginnings Again

After returning from the trip to the lake, Roy Mustang was a changed man. He still had his bad habits, sure. His tendency was to be fairly lazy, unless he was under constant watch- but Second Lieutenant Hawkeye kept that well under control. For the most part, he was on time for work, did his job well, and re-earned the respect of his superior officers in the few months after his short hiatus. One afternoon, he was called into Brigadier General Grand's office.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Roy saluted as he came in, removing his hat.

"Yes, Lieutenant Colonel. Have a seat."

"Yes, sir." Roy sat down, crossed his legs, and laid his hat in his lap- anxious as to why he'd been summoned.

"I'm proud of the turnaround you've made, Mustang. You seem less distracted, and have become much more productive under Lieutenant Hawkeye's watch." A smile worked its way onto the General's face when Roy grimaced at the last part of the sentence.

"I'm giving you a team, to assist you. They have various talents, and I'm sure that they'll all be of immense help to you. Also, I've already told Lieutenant Hawkeye, but since she's now under your command, you should know as well. Her promotion just went through. She's now a First Lieutenant."

Roy smiled, hoping that it meant a promotion for him wouldn't be far behind. He wanted to ask the general, but he knew better than to press the subject. "Thank you sir- for the team, and for that good news. " He stood up, bowed, and then saluted.

The general stood up, took a folder from his desk, and handed it to Roy. "These are the files on each of your subordinates. They'll start first thing tomorrow morning. I'd like a full report on the progress in their first week by the end of the day on Friday. That's all." He saluted. Roy returned the salute and walked out, back towards his office, to read up on his new officers. A grin filled his face as he ambled down the hallway. 'At least this will get Hawkeye off my back for a while.' He thought.

Back at his desk, he took his time looking through each of the files- trying to put off the inevitable paperwork that was looming in his in box for as long as he could. He flipped through the individual files quickly the first time- reading their names, and their areas of expertise, to get a better feel of what his officers were like.

Breda, Heymans- Second Lieutenant. Munitions expert, specializes in large caliber guns and projectiles, such as grenades and grenade guns. Falman, Vato- Warrant Officer. Highly intelligent, well versed in protocols and laws- also interested in Investigations. Fuery, Kain- Master Sergeant. Communications and Repair Specialist. A technical expert- especially gifted in radio and telephone repair. Havoc, Jean- First Lieutenant. Weapons expert- specializes in low and medium caliber guns, such as rifles and handguns- sharpshooter. Hawkeye, Riza- Weapons expert- Very specialized in low and medium caliber guns, especially handguns- expert sharpshooter and marksman.

Roy read them over again, until he had all of the details of each of his men almost committed to memory. As much as he tried to have an excuse not to sign any more papers before the end of the day- which was fast approaching- he knew that he'd already been pushing his luck, as long as he'd been stalling for time. He closed the folder and put it down on his desk, sighed, and ran his fingers through his dark black hair, looking once again at the stacks of papers that still had to be read and signed. "No time like the present." He grumbled, and took the first paper off the pile.

"Hey there, Roy. You look happy tonight. What's the big news?" Maes grinned goofily as Roy sat down next to him at their usual bar stools. The alchemist waved the bartender over and ordered a scotch on the rocks, then looked at his best friend.

"I just got a team- a group of officers working under me. I'm going to meet them tomorrow morning. They're all pretty young and green- no real experience like you or I, but they seem to have pretty good records on paper. We'll see what happens, I guess."

Maes took a swig of his scotch and grimaced. He was trying as hard as he could- drinking it every night that he and Roy met at the bar- but he still couldn't get a taste for the stuff. "I'll tell you what." Maes started again, the grin on his face growing. I'll come by tomorrow and make sure they haven't mutinied by lunchtime, alright?"

He barely avoided Roy's halfhearted swing that was aiming for his nose.

* * *

Roy made sure he was at work plenty early the next morning, despite the slight hangover from drinking with Maes the night before. As usual, Hawkeye had beaten him in, and already had a still steaming cup of coffee on his desk.

"Are you ready to meet the rest of your men, sir?" She asked in her usual stiff, formal tone.

The alchemist smiled at her and took a sip of his coffee, scrunching his face up at the pain of the hot coffee scalding his tongue. 'She must have not beaten me into work by much.' He thought. 'It's not usually this hot when I come in.' "Well, whether I'm ready or not, I have little choice in the matter. Right, First Lieutenant?"

He watched a grin start to spread to her face, then she quickly put her stone facade back on again. "Yes sir." She replied, simply.

Falman was the first of the new soldiers to arrive- at exactly 0800 hours, as instructed. He saluted as he entered and closed the door behind him. "Warrant Officer Vato Falman, reporting for duty, sir!"

Roy smiled. 'This guy is really stiff and formal.' He thought to himself. 'He'll probably work well with Hawkeye. Or they might be so alike that they'll drive each other crazy.' His grin grew at that thought. 'That might be fun to watch.' The alchemist chuckled to himself.

Falman was staring at Roy- still saluting- waiting for a response. Roy shook himself out of his thoughts, returned the salute, and pointed to the large desk with many chairs around it in the middle of the room. "Please, take a seat, Falman. Hawkeye will give you some paperwork to fill out. Take your time."

"Yes, sir."

The rest of the men filtered in one by one. First it was Fuery, then Breda, and Havoc finally came in last- well over half an hour late- panting and sweating.

"Sorry, sir." He saluted as he walked into the office. "My alarm didn't go off, and I overslept." He looked disheveled- his blond hair was spiked and messy, and he held an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Roy looked up from his paperwork, a bored expression on his face. "Second Lieutenant Havoc, I sincerely hope that you don't intend to smoke that cigarette in here."

"No, sir." Was the man's quick reply.

"Good, then kindly take that thing out of your mouth."

"Yes, sir." Havoc looked miserable as he took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it behind his ear.

"Not there either. Either put it in your pocket, or deposit it in the trash. A solider needs to look professional."

"Yes, sir." Havoc sighed, took out his nearly empty, crumpled pack of cigarettes and pushed it back in, then stuffed it back into his pocket.

"A solider needs to look professional, huh? I've seen you looking pretty bad yourself!" Maes had- as usual- picked the most inopportune time (as far as Roy was concerned) to walk in on the conversation. The man wore a huge grin on his face, walking past all of the new recruits, back towards Roy's desk.

Roy shot him a death glare, but the look had never stopped Maes before. "You should have seen him at the bar last night!" He turned his attention to the soldiers at the large table- who, until that moment, had been busy filling out their paperwork. "If you want to get on the bosses' good side, get him a bottle of scotch. A good one. Just be prepared to deal with a grumpy, hung-over man the next day!"

"Maes, a word, please?" Roy hissed through tightly clenched teeth. Maes leaned down over the desk- close to Roy.

"Please do not belittle me in front of my new men. I want them to respect me, not ridicule me." The alchemist whispered, pointing to the table- where the soldiers were snickering at what Maes had said.

The taller man straightened up and clapped his friend, hard, on the back. "Aw, Roy. Don't worry. They know I'm just joking." He looked over at the desk. "Right, guys?"

All of the laughter stopped immediately once the two higher ranking officers were looking at them. Maes got a lot of confused looks from the table. "Um, I guess." Breda finally answered, looking up from his paperwork that he had been pretending to filling out, hoping that looking busy wouldn't get him in trouble on his first day.

Maes smiled and shook his head. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. You guys don't know who I am. Roy and I go way back, so you'll probably see a lot of me in here. I'm Major Maes Hughes. Don't worry. There's no need to get up and salute!" He grinned and waved his hand.

"Speaking of that, *Major*." Roy almost purred. He loved nothing more than to pull rank on his friend when he went out of line- which was pretty often. "Won't Investigations wonder where you went?"

"Investigations? That is what I want to get into!" Falman spoke up, something almost akin to a smile fluttering for the briefest of moments on his stone face. Roy and Maes immediately looked over at him again. The grin once again came to the taller man's face.

"Ah. Come with me, my good man. I'll introduce you to my commanding officer. I'm sure he'll be glad to meet you. We're always looking for bright new faces." Maes walked over and put his hand on Falman's shoulder, directing him towards the door.

"Going to try to steal one of my men away from me?" Roy smiled, his mood suddenly lightened at the thought of Maes leaving with no further damage to the alchemist's ego.

"I don't know, *Flame*. Think you can handle someone smarter than you?"

"Smarter?"

Maes walked back over to his friend's desk and leaned in, almost whispering into his ear. "I'm in Investigations. I can find people's test scores very easily. He's smarter than you. Much smarter."

'So much for not bruising my ego.' Roy thought to himself. "Considering that I just received these men under my watch…" Hawkeye audibly cleared her throat. Roy glanced over her direction, and then corrected himself. "I just received these men *and women* under my watch- I doubt that Brigadier General Grand will want to transfer any of them that quickly. But by all means, please give him a tour. The more they all know about the building, the better." Roy's grin grew. "In fact, thank you for agreeing to take all of them on a tour of the building, now that everyone has arrived." He shot a quick look at Havoc, who cringed.

"A tour? They're your men, Roy."

"That's an order, soldier."

Maes' face sunk. He opened his mouth for a moment to reply, but quickly decided against it. He turned to the table. "Alright, you heard the Lieutenant Colonel. Let's go. Time for the nickel tour. You can finish the paperwork when we get back." The new soldiers stood up and followed him out of door.

Roy smiled, virtually patting himself on the back. "Good job." He told himself. "You got rid of Maes *and* the rest of the men for a while. Even Hawkeye." He looked at the papers on his desk- then grinned, leaned back, and put his hands behind his head. "Time to take a little break."

That night, Maes visited Roy's apartment to talk about the arrangements for his upcoming marriage.

As he walked in, he could already smell the stench of alcohol in the air, and as had become somewhat usual, Maes found his best friend sitting at his kitchen table with a glass of scotch in one hand and the bottle in the other.

He walked in and sat down. Roy didn't even smile, just kept his flat face and took another drink of scotch, grimacing slightly.

Maes sighed and shook his head. "Come on. You aren't still mad at me about that 'smart' crack, are you?" He quickly grabbed Roy's glass and dragged it across the table, away from the already partially inebriated man.

"I'm mad that you just pulled away my glass." Roy grumbled, almost slurring his words.

"Dammit Roy, for just one night, I need you somewhat sober. Come on, please. This is serious. I have some decisions I have to make about the wedding, and I need my best man's help."

Roy sighed and put the stopper back on the top of the scotch. "Alright, but you better not belittle me in front of my men again. I need to make a good impression. I have to do well with this assignment, if I'm going to work my way to the top."

"Sorry about that today. You know that I was just joking around. I did explain it to them while I was showing them around the building. Speaking of that- the red haired one- Breda was it? He catches onto things very quickly. If he wanted to, he'd do well in Investigations. But that isn't what he's interested in. I've been told that he's an excellent strategist. He may be good officer material in the future. Keep an eye on him." Maes got up and started to warm up some water for coffee.

"As for the rest of them." Maes said over his shoulder, as he worked at Roy's small stove. "The blond haired one- he seems like the loyal type, but he's not terribly bright. I heard he got some pretty high marksmanship scores. Not at good as Hawkeye, naturally, but pretty damn close. Of course you know Falman is smart. And the little guy? He's heard all about you. You seem to be one of the main reasons that he wanted to enter the military. He heard about what you did..." He trailed off.

Maes didn't have to continue. Roy knew where he meant. It was an unspoken rule between them. Neither of them wanted to talk about where they had been, the atrocities that they had seen- and caused. They still bore the scars.

"He's a killer too, then?" Roy spat, bitterly.

"No, he's just a radio man. A whiz, actually. That kid can fix anything you put in front of him. He fixed a colonel's telephone today. It'd been broken for months. No one could figure out what was wrong with it, but he got it working in less than 15 minutes. That kid may save us all one day, with his ingenuity."

Roy nodded, but stayed silent. A few minutes later, the coffee was done, and Maes walked over with a couple of steaming cups, placing one in front of each of them and then sitting down.

"They're good men and women, the bunch of them." Maes sipped his coffee. "I can tell. You guys are going to be a good team. Just give it a little time, and don't forget that you're going to need as many friends as you can while you're on the way up. I can only push your stubborn ass so far." The older man grinned, and stirred a lump of sugar into his drink.

The alchemist smiled and rolled his eyes. "So what was so important that you had to come by at this time of night?"

Maes' grin grew, and he started to outline the ideas that he had for the wedding.


	25. A Perfect Circle and Epilogue

Many cups of coffee were consumed that night, and a host of good brainstorming ideas came from the evening that Maes had visited. Even though he was the Best Man, Roy had never been much of a planner- and knew very little about weddings. He helped Maes and Gracia out as much as he could- but for the most part, he found that it was best when he stayed out of the way and simply helped and encouraged the couple when needed or asked for.

Some deep, dark part of Roy's mind- the part that apparently attempted to keep him sane, kept telling him that all of this was just a dream, and that he would wake up soon- or that something was going to happen and he would end up with Maes. This wedding wasn't going to happen. But the more rational part of the alchemist's brain knew that this wasn't true- though the less he thought about what was actually about to happen, the better he felt- and that was good enough for him, for now at least.

In the days following that late night brainstorm, dresses were ordered, cakes were picked, and photographers were chosen. They decided the colors that they were going to use, the flowers, the location, and all the other things that need to be done before a wedding. Roy had no idea that it was going to be so complicated. It made him very happy that he had never found a woman who he'd wanted to settle down with.

Besides- his heart had already been taken, long ago.

Months of preparations finally came down to the last few days. The wedding quickly approached, and everyone fell into a panic. There were cake issues, photographer mix ups, and worries about the weather. But when the day before the wedding arrived, it heralded the beginning of a beautiful weekend, and all of the issues had been resolved. That left Maes' last night of freedom relatively worry free.

This was perfect for the bachelor party.

On his last night of bachelorhood, Maes was treated to a night to drinking and debauchery, courtesy of his friends and co-workers. The groomsmen- Armstrong, Breda, Havoc, Fuery, and Falman, along with the best man Roy, took him to a bar in downtown Central, where the beer flowed, and the women wore rather revealing outfits.

When the bar closed down, they were somehow able to stumble to another one that was just down the street- holding each other up in a precarious balance of human limbs along the way. More alcohol was imbibed, and after the second bar closed, the party moved in a caravan of cabs to Maes' small apartment.

It didn't take long after they arrived for Roy to start telling stories about how the two had met at the academy. Their first impressions were somewhat less than extraordinary. Maes had thought Roy was a womanizer, and Roy had thought Maes was a nerd. But despite all of that, they had still become fast friends.

Even through the haze of alcohol, Roy knew that he had to be careful about what he said. Despite the fact that Roy had come to trust his men with his life, he had never told any of them his deep, dark secret. They didn't know about the past that he and Maes had shared together. A couple of times that night, Roy had come close to spilling information, but either he would change the subject quickly, or Maes- who had much less alcohol- would interject and make sure that Roy didn't do anything they would both regret.

It soon became rather apparent that none of the men had the capacity to get back to their own apartments or dorm rooms that night. Maes made as much space as he could on the couch, chairs, and spare bed.

Straws were drawn for the only available bed, and Fuery- the man who took up the least space- won. He offered it to Armstrong, since he knew the giant hulk of a man would be miserable curled up on a small couch, but Armstrong refused, being too much of a gentleman to take what he had not earned.

The youngest, and smallest, was also the first to fall asleep. Fuery headed back to the bedroom not long after arriving at Maes' place, and listening to a couple of Roy's yarns about Maes' practical joking streak while at the academy. Soon after, the groom to be put on coffee for the rest of the men, and they continued to talk about whatever popped into their inebriated brains, until they started to drop off, one by one.

Quite surprisingly, the largest man- Armstrong- took his leave next, finding a somewhat comfortable and plush rug to curl up on with a pillow and blanket supplied by the host. Being in the military, all of the men were used to sleeping in less than ideal conditions, so there were no complaints about the accommodations.

Falman was the next to drop off, not long after Armstrong. He found that of all the places that were available to sleep, the floor was suited best to his rather stiff style of sleeping- which seemed to match perfectly with his stiff style while awake- Roy noted jokingly.

Both Breda and Havoc, being pretty good at holding their alcohol (they had been drinking buddies while in basic training together), were able to stay up for a while, but eventually they both succumbed to sleep as well. Breda took the couch, while the much taller Havoc stretched out his long legs in a large, overstuffed chair- and promptly started to snore almost immediately.

Roy tried to keep up the conversation with Maes for a bit, but his mind and his heart were not in it. He knew that in the morning, his best friend and lover would be married- and then there would be no more kisses or caresses down by the lake, no more quick and clumsy groping and licking and sucking in a tent in the middle of the desert, and no more gentle, passionate lovemaking in some random hotel in the middle of Central.

This was it. After tonight there was no more Maes and Roy as lovers. He'd been trying to not think about it for as long as he could, but it was finally dawning on him. He wasn't going to wake up and find out that this was a bad dream. There wasn't going to be a last minute reprieve, where Maes decided that he wants Roy, and not Gracia. Maes wasn't going to call off the wedding. And he was certainly not going to leave the woman that the loved with all his heart and soul for a broken solider, who he couldn't even walk down the road with, or hold hands- without the fear of being ridiculed- or much, much worse.

"Roy, are you okay?" Maes asked, gently rubbing the palm of his hand on Roy's shoulder. "You look a bit distracted."

The alchemist took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, which were resting in his lap. "I… I don't want you to go, Maes." He said, frankly.

Maes chuckled a little. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm getting married, but I'll still be here in Central, with you. You're still on for our Friday night bar sessions, if that's what you're worried about. I'm not gonna be *that* tied down! You don't think you can get rid of me that easily, do you?"

"That isn't what I meant. I…" Roy sighed and closed his eyes. "Never mind."

Realization hit the older man quickly. "Oh." He said, softly. "Yeah, I know." He ran a hand through his hair and pushed his glasses- that had somehow miraculously (despite several spills) managed not to get broken- up onto the bridge of his nose.

"You know I care for you. I always will. No matter whom I'm with. But, when I marry Gracia, I'm will only be with her. When I was with you, I was never with anyone else." Roy let out a deep breath, his mind wandering back to the huge fight that they had had during basic training. It seemed like a whole lifetime ago.

"I know. I wouldn't expect any less from you, Maes. That's the loyal kind of person that you are. I guess I have a few things that I could learn, huh?" Roy gripped the fabric of his pants tight, digging his fingernails into and through the thin material, leaving red marks on his skin.

"You're a good man, Roy. Don't let anyone tell you differently, even if it's me." Maes flashed a goofy smile that faded after a moment. Roy finally looked up from where he had been staring at his hands, glancing at his lover with red-rimmed eyes.

"I know you'll probably say no, and I can't blame you. But… could I sleep in your bed tonight? Just one last night- before I have to say goodbye to you forever?"

Maes was silent for a moment, scratching his chin. He softly nodded his head. "I know that it's probably a bad idea. It'd be better if we didn't do this. We both know what's going to happen, and it'll just hurt us both more. But I can't say no. I guess I was kinda hoping that you would ask. I didn't have had the guts to do it."

Without another word, Maes took his hand off of Roy's shoulder and stood up, walking back towards his bedroom. For a moment Roy didn't follow. He contemplated what the man had said. He knew just as well that this was going to make tomorrow even worse for him- but the regret that he'd had have over not being able to spend one more night with his lover would be a thousand time worse. That he *was* sure of.

Roy stood up and walked out of the living room, down the dully lit hallway, and into Maes' bedroom, where he closed and locked the door behind him.

In the morning, Roy awoke first. The rays of the sun had barely worked their way over the horizon. He yawned and stretched, but didn't move. He wanted to remember the two of them- together like this- one last time, and savor it for as long as he could.

He spooned up behind his lover, their curves gently meshing together. His arm was draped over Maes' side- his hand resting on the man's flat stomach. Maes had a gentle smile on his face, even in sleep. He was so peaceful and carefree, which was surprising before such a big event

It amazed the alchemist. He'd hardly been able to sleep last night. Mostly, he had stared up at the ceiling and thought about the good and bad times the men had spent together. That night, Maes had hardly stirred- only occasionally speaking some sort of slurred gibberish in his sleep, or turning over onto his side. Roy guessed that alcohol was the main factor, but he secretly hoped that it was the comfort of being in his former lover's arms.

Eventually Roy moved, getting up from the bed as silently as he could, and put on his clothes from the night before. After taking care of his business in the bathroom, he made a phone call, and then went back into the main room to start rousing people from their slumber.

It took a while for everyone to become awake and aware enough that Roy could trust himself to leave them without fear that they would fall back asleep. When they were up and moving, he walked back to the bedroom, closing and locking the door again.

For a moment, he stood and watched as Maes started to stir gently, in that half awake, half asleep time when a person is somewhat aware of their surroundings, but they aren't quite cognizant enough to know what's going on.

Roy smiled and went to his lover, gently brushing a hair away from his face, and giving him a light kiss on the forehead. "Wake up, Maes. You need to get moving. Today's the big day."

A soft smile came to Maes' face. He opened his eyes and grinned at Roy. "Morning." He said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Morning." Roy replied. "I already got the rest of the guys moving. Our tuxes are in the hall closet, and I called the bakery. They're going to deliver pastries soon. That should get everyone going."

"Huh. Looks like I made an excellent choice in my Best Man." Maes finally sat up in bed, stretched lazily once, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Roy smiled back and gave Maes one last kiss, then stood up and walked to the door. "I'm going to go make sure that the guys are still moving around. I'll see you in the main room, in a bit."

"Okay. I'll be there soon." Maes paused for a second. "Hey, Roy?"

"Yeah, Maes?"

"You know I'll always love you."

Roy smiled sadly. "I love you too." He left, closing the bedroom door behind him.

**EPILOGUE**

It wasn't a rainy day, but the sky was overcast and threatening- just like it had been on the day that his best friend- and former lover- was laid to rest.

Since that day, many months ago, Roy had tried to visit the grave as much as he could. He usually stopped at a flower shop that was on the way first, and picked up a few red carnations to put on the grave. Maes had always loved the color red, and Roy knew the underlying message that a red flower sent.

Red. The color of love.

Red. The color of blood.

Hawkeye had always been good about driving him to the graveyard, and then waiting in the car. He'd always appreciated that, but it had become increasingly important recently. He'd never bothered to learn how to drive. He had always had transportation in the military. Now that he only had one eye, any hope that he'd ever had of driving had been lost for good, with a single bullet to his face.

It'd been hell, those weeks that Roy had spent in the hospital. For a while, he was barely clinging to life. Although Hawkeye had found him only moments after he'd been shot, head wounds were always notorious bleeders, and he'd come dangerously close to bleeding to death on the steps of the former Fuhrer's mansion.

Even after he had awoken, he'd never told anyone about what he had seen while he was unconscious. When he was hovering somewhere between life and death, Maes had frequently visited him. At first they didn't do anything but stare at each other. Roy couldn't believe that he was really seeing his lover, and Maes didn't want to believe that the alchemist might have been dying. As they started to talk, they reminisced about old times, and Maes asked a lot of questions about his family.

As time went on, and Roy slowly improved, the older man knew the meetings were fleeting, and in the last conversation that they had before Roy awoke, Maes told him again that he loved him- and that he would be waiting for him on the other side. But he also warned Roy that he shouldn't make any attempt to die before his time, or they would never be together.

That was when Roy awoke with a start.

It took several more weeks in the hospital for Roy to heal, and even longer for him to convalesce at home. He mostly stayed with Hawkeye- who watched over him, fed him, and with the hospital's instructions- changed his bandages. Roy appreciated that she didn't cringe when she looked into the hollow, dead socket that used to contain an eye. Now it was just scar tissue and thinly stretched skin- forever marking him as an abomination to all.

In the time that Hawkeye was taking care of him, he had grown to care for her, a lot. The undercurrent of his feelings for her had been there for as long as Roy had known her, but to him she'd always seemed to be the unattainable beauty- granddaughter of the general and his subordinate officer. He liked to think that she'd grown to like him as well, but something held him back from asking her about it, and she was never bold enough to approach the subject with him.

And then he went to visit his lover's grave again.

The first time that he'd been able to visit the grave after finishing his recuperation, it was gray and dreary. The clouds hung low and dark in the sky, and it had threatened to rain at a moment's notice. Towards the end of the time that he'd been staying at Hawkeye's apartment, he'd tried to visit the grave, but the doctors had insisted that he wait until he was totally healed before taking such a mentally and physically stressful trip.

When he was finally able to see his best friend's grave again, Hawkeye drove him down the street- stopping at the flower shop as usual. He bought some red carnations, and she took him to the graveyard- where she stopped the car. It didn't need to be said that she would wait here for him. They both knew the routine.

Roy walked to the grave- flowers in one hand, and a drawing by Elysia in the other. He kneeled down and put them both on each side of the gravestone, straddling the name that had been chiseled into the rock.

"Maes, I can't do this." He started, his voice cracking after the first word. "When I thought I was going to die, I thought about you. I *still* think about you, a lot. I think I saw you when I was in the hospital. I told you about your daughter, and you told me not to be stupid and kill myself." He tried to chuckle, but it came out as more of a sob.

"I don't know what to do. I'm broken. I can't even snap my fingers. When I try, all I see are the people that died at my hands- those innocent lives that I took in the name of our military. There's no use for a half-blind man whose only talent isn't even useful any more." Roy took a deep breath and steadied himself on the stone, his knees weak from even this small amount of effort.

"I put in for a transfer, up north. And I'm not a colonel any more. I re-enlisted as a solider. No more Flame Alchemist. The secret to that deadly art will die with me- in the frozen wastelands of the mountains." For a moment, he was quiet. He let the wind run through his long, disheveled hair- he'd taken to wearing it longer. At first, it was because he was too sick to cut it, but then he found that he liked how the longer bangs partially hid the huge black patch that covered his non-existent eye.

He stood up, and was about to go, but then he turned around again. "Maes, its Hawkeye. I… think that I care for her- a lot. I'm not sure if she feels the same as I do or not, but I just can't get close to her. I can't stop thinking about you. And I know you'd want me to move on. There is no use pining for the…" He paused for a moment. "…for the dead. I don't know. I just don't know what to do."

At that moment, there was an intense clap of thunder, and lightning lit up the sky. The rain started- not with a drizzle, but with a downpour. Roy stood- silently watching the picture that he had just put down smear and run in the rain, bleeding its colors into the stone for a moment, and then soaking into the grass.

Roy smiled gently, and put his hat back upon his head, shifting his thick gray military greatcoat on his shoulders to keep the rain off of him. "I guess I can't ask for more of a sign than that." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

"This may be the last time that I get to visit your grave. If the transfer up north goes through soon, I'll be leaving on the first train that I can catch. I haven't asked Hawkeye to come with me, but I seriously doubt that she would." He sighed softly.

"I guess it doesn't matter how I feel about her. If I go north and she doesn't follow, then there won't be a reason for her to wait for me to return. I have every intention of living out the rest of my life up there. I've been watching Gracia and Elysia as much as I can for you, but they're both very strong and happy- and they've moved on with their lives. I guess it's about time I did the same."

Roy bent down again and laid his forehead against the cool marble stone of the grave. "Goodbye, Maes. I love you. I always have, and I always will. Maybe I'm not crazy. Perhaps I was really talking to you in the hospital. And if I'm lucky I'll get to see you again. But for now, I need to forget. I have too many painful memories, and I just can't bear this burden any more."

He closed his eye and pressed his head closer to the gravestone, glad that his tears were quickly washed away by the downpour. He stayed there, until he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. "We should go now, sir. I don't want you to get sick out here."

Roy stood up and adjusted his hat and coat. "Okay." He said, his voice barely over a whisper. He looked down at the grave and smiled weakly. "Goodbye Maes. I know we'll meet again, sometime." Without another word, he turned and followed Hawkeye, who was already slightly ahead, back towards the car and the rest of his life.


End file.
